To issue a plea to parents everywhere (party related)

(201 Posts)
2ndSopranos Sun 13-Nov-16 09:54:09

It's simple.

Receive the invitation. Check the date. RSVP either way. I know this is mn and generally we're to assume that people are always Far Too Busy to attend a party but if that's the case, for the love of god, rsvp. Lie, even.

If you can't get to the venue, ask the host. They can help (and in the case of this host, always has a car full).

Yet again we've got a party this afternoon and I've no bloody idea how many kids are coming. Thankfully the venue has agreed to let us pay when we're there.

Wookiecookies Sun 13-Nov-16 11:26:47

Half of the time the problem is the child not passing on the invite. My kids are rubbish for this. I agree it's frustrating but it is just a fact of life I am afraid, maybe a party invite app is the way forward! 😉

BestMammyEver Sun 13-Nov-16 11:46:21

I have twin boys and we seem to be at a party every Saturday. I received one on Friday that was supposed to be for the Saturday before, so sometimes I think it's not getting the invite rather than being rude and not RSVPing.

MagicMarkers Sun 13-Nov-16 11:50:05

Sometimes invitations go astray, but I think it's usually people being rude and thoughtless. I think they're often waiting to see if something better comes along or they don't care about inconvieniencing people, who've invited their child to a party.

I agree with you, OP, it's very rude not to RSVP. It's not exactly a big effort to send a text or email.

Mumzypopz Sun 13-Nov-16 13:03:55

It's worse when they say they are coming, you pay for them and they don't turn up.....so rude...they have your number on the invite so could ring to apologise if their child is sick....had this done to us time and time again.....one Mum did this, then apologised to my ds the next day at school, saying "I'll bring the present in for you", and never did....

FameNameGameLame Sun 13-Nov-16 13:14:19

Are we raising generation of a irresponsible children? I get losing an invitation once - but surely that triggers a learning experience for the child about how important it is to receive and respond to invitations politely and in a timely manner?
This is not just about one or two scatty kids - it's a fucking epidemic of rudeness.

FameNameGameLame Sun 13-Nov-16 13:16:29

I'm pretty sure if they had to hand write an apology to the host for not replying politely, it might help their responsibility levels and make the host feel a bit less miffed that they ignored an invitation.

Floggingmolly Sun 13-Nov-16 13:18:56

There are some people (lots of them on here, going by previous threads) that genuinely believe you only need answer an invitation if you can't make it.
Radio silence means you're going confused. They appear not to see it for the abominable rudeness it is, either. You can't eradicate stupidity.

5moreminutes Sun 13-Nov-16 13:21:18

Yes it's correct and polite to reply.

I never understand why hosts let themselves get to the point where its the day of the party and they have no idea who is going to turn up though especially where exact numbers matter due to paying per guest or for logistical reasons or because you are afraid nobody will turn up and the party kid will be devastated.

Why didn't you ring 'round - I always ring anyone who hasn't responded when I'm hosting, rather than get myself into an indignant self righteous hand wringing tizz.

Crispsheets Sun 13-Nov-16 13:21:31

Rude, rude, rude.
Parties used to be special..but now kids are invited to loads of class parties, it's not anymore .

5moreminutes Sun 13-Nov-16 13:23:06

Bloody hell fame hmm hand written humble pie is the food of a subset of MN gods isn't it?

FameNameGameLame Sun 13-Nov-16 13:23:22

5moreminutes I agree with this but I was not always like this. I think you're absolutely right, for some people picking up the phone to someone they've already labelled as rude for not replying, to question them about their child's attendance would be excruciating.

Wookiecookies Sun 13-Nov-16 13:23:22

"Fucking epidemic of rudeness" well that's quite the oxymoron.

Scaredycat3000 Sun 13-Nov-16 13:23:32

It did make me think when a Mum said she had never received anything from school so didn't realise stuff was missing. After 2 terms she discovered her son had been emptying all the paper in his school bag into the back of his cupboard. School letters, permission forms, party invites, everything.
But I really don't think that applies to all. Various relatives picking up a child seems to cause a lot of confusion. From one family the GM, M and F, separated, have all told me individually how confusing it is, but it's not their responsibility, the child was in reception sad

Mumzypopz Sun 13-Nov-16 13:23:54

I've often wondered if some people think you only pay for those who turn up on the day!!!!! Perhaps they have never done one for their own kid, so literally don't know you pay for the pre booked numbers.....so if you say you are going, the host has to pay for you......SO TURN UP...

Laiste Sun 13-Nov-16 13:26:26

YANBU

Especially as these days <old gimmer alert> all you have to do is text a few words. No actual phone call needed.

5moreminutes Sun 13-Nov-16 13:27:23

Why label them as rude though - why not ring 'round to check they got the invite and work on the assumption it is an oversight or the invite went astray rather than getting worked up about rudeness?

Mumzypopz Sun 13-Nov-16 13:28:04

Even worse when they get their child to pass on the message to your child that they are coming.....do you believe them or not? Do you pay for them or not?

Mumzypopz Sun 13-Nov-16 13:29:19

But you can't ring if you don't have the number?

Oblomov16 Sun 13-Nov-16 13:31:23

I always chase round the week before.
How can you not know how many are coming. What age group is this? Do you not go into the playground? Do you not know any of the mums?

FameNameGameLame Sun 13-Nov-16 13:31:51

Because of perception. They are people pleasers who worry more about what people think of them than their own well being. Much easier to judge others than do any work on yourself, even if the latter is ultimately more beneficial.

Apply practically it's easier to come on here and moan about everybody's behaviour then work on yourself enough to have the confidence to go and deal with the situation head-on and contact the parents to get a better idea of numbers.

And conversely I'm all for a handwritten letter. If that's interpreted as a punishment then that's your perception of it - presented as a solution to a mistake that has been made it's a great way to learn a valuable lesson.

TiredBefuddledRose Sun 13-Nov-16 13:31:54

My twins' 7th birthday party is next Saturday and so far half of the 40 invited have rsvp'd either way (and a couple of those were only after chasing on fb).
Luckily the party is in a hall so flexible on numbers but it's still annoying esp when it comes to cake and the sweet kebabs we're having instead of party bags in terms of how many to do.

I also have a 14 year old so have organised a fair few parties over the years, parents will rsvp straight away and some the day before regardless of any rsvp by date, some won't reply at all, some rsvp yes then don't turn up with no explanation (sometimes sickness can't be helped and sometimes they just bugger off somewhere else), some who haven't rsvp'd still show up and twice I've had people who've rsvp'd no turn up on the day!

Mumzypopz Sun 13-Nov-16 13:32:38

No, do not go into playground, work full time, and know some Mums by sight, but wouldn't have their phone number....

Oblomov16 Sun 13-Nov-16 13:33:29

You may not have many mum's numbers. But I have a few. I ask ds to check with the boy himself. I make a special effort to go into the playground and aproach any mums who haven't rsvp'd yet.
There are things you can do.

Wookiecookies Sun 13-Nov-16 13:33:55

You just never know what is going on in peoples lives that 'may' be taking priority over rsvp'ing the hundreth party invite that year. Perhaps divorce, perhaps disease, perhaps death in a family, perhaps a house move, perhaps depression, job loss, money worried etc. Not excusing it, but to assume that people are being deliberately rude is a bit much. If you are that concerned, then speak to the parents at school, or send out another note in your childs bag.

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