I'm worried this is going to be garbled, but I'll try and be clear.
I have DD10 from a previous relationship. She has high anxiety levels and other issues. We're currently waiting for a potential ASD diagnosis.
I had cancer and fertility preserving surgery to remove it a few years ago.
I've been in a new relationship for 3 years.
I'm 38.
I've always wanted more than one child, but had resigned myself to the idea that it would be too difficult (poss conception/pregnancy/birth problems after surgery) and that there would be too big a gap between my DD and the next child.
My career that's been stalled for years might be about to actually take off which will mean more investment (time/commitment level) from me.
My DP seemed to have no huge desire to have children of his own
However, we had a long conversation last night, and it seems that now we're settled and in a relationship that we both think will go the distance he's feeling somewhat differently. Being committed to both me and my DD means he feels like he's in a position where having a child would be a good thing to do and being around my DD makes him feel like he would like to do the whole parenting thing. Before he had a lifestyle he didn't feel suited kids, so would have been irresponsible to have one, but now he's in a family setup he feels differently.
I'm really shaken. I'd put my 'want more children, many more children' feelings in a box marked 'Unavailable to you, crack on woman, and be happy with what you have', which is what I've been doing. I'd even managed to convince myself that there were loads of advantages to no more children - financially, getting to do grown up stuff again, getting on with actually having a career, but now I can all but feel my ovaries twanging.
Also, I've always wanted my DD to have a sibling/s. She's always wanted one and I have a very small family with no other children it. She does have grown up siblings on her dad's side but they are over 20 years older than her, so it's a very different relationship. But then, any putative sibling would be at least 11 years younger.
I don't know what I am asking. Probably whether it's madness to have such a big gap, or commit to 30 years of child management in total. Is 38 a good age to have a baby? Would my DD really like the reality of a troublesome baby v the idea of having a sibling? Would their relationship when they're adults be good with such an age gap? Am I being super selfish in wanting another baby when I should be concentrating on my DD? Would she feel slightly excluded from it however hard I try? I know no one can answer those questions - I guess I'm just interested in any similar experiences.
So long. So sorry!
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7 replies
FunnysCousinNotFunny · 24/10/2016 10:43
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