To be annoyed at my mum

[PolarBearLover14]

My mum and I have had a lot of issues in the past but since my son was born we have gotten along well.

She has this habit of always siding with my husband over everything and it's getting really tiring.

Last night my son was very unwell and it took me 4 hours of cuddling and rocking him in my bed to get him to sleep.
Son was finally asleep by 10:30pm but I had previously commented on my FB - looks like daddy might have to sleep on the sofa if son doesn't settle in his own bed.

He did then come to bed after he watched boxing which was 11:30ish and he played his daft game on his phone until around 3 or 4 in the morning as he said he wasn't tired but then he slept until 10:30am this morning (I got up with poorly son got up at 7am)

My problem isn't with my husband (he did see to Son in the night when he woke up and that's a whole other post anyway) but with my mother who then said oh poor him, well he was kept awake so he was tired, he got past the point of tired and needed to sleep...

Imagine if I couldn't sleep at night and wanted to sleep in... oh wait, I have a child so I can't!
But according to my mother it's my job.

It's almost like she doesn't want to get on the wrong side of my husband so agrees with everything he says and does. It's ridiculous!

[PigeonPieAndMash]

My mother drives me batshit crazy at times, but for different reasons to yours. Would she be offended if you told her how you feel?

[User100]

I think it's a generational thing. We've moved (or a moving but probably aren't there yet) past the idea that childcare is women's work but I think some of the older generation stop hold that view. How old is your Mum?
Incidentally thought that's no excuse and YANBU to be livid with her.

[bottleofredplease]

My mum is the same! She makes a face if I say my DP can do something for himself. He came in from work when she was there and went straight to our kids robbed (as he usually does when he is back in time) and she made a face. She acts as if I treat him like shit but really we just have an equal relationship. When she is chatting to us, she barely looks at me! Already wants his opinion on the garden etc.

[bottleofredplease]

Kids to bed (not robbed )

[bottleofredplease]

Always (not already) should just start the thing all over again. FFS

[user1471494124]

My mum (and it's definitely not in my head as it was my DH who noticed it), only believes or accepts what a man tells her. She will argue the toss with me, but if my brother / dad/ DH say the same thing she just agrees. She will also really slag off women for something, then have no issue with a man doing it. Example: women are disgusting for taking drugs at any age as it could affect their children. It's their own fault if they miscarry or have fertility issues. Men can do what they like though. That's totally fine!

I don't know if it's a generation thing, or the fact that she has Daddy Issues. It's bloody annoying though. If I want her to do something I have to get my husband totally her just so she doesn't argue!

[PolarBearLover14]

My mum is 60 in a few months and I didn't think that she was like that because she has always been the DIY-er, she played with trains with me as a child and she has said there are no gender roles but yet she is like this with us.
I think she has this CRAZY idea that my husband is in charge of me and she doesn't want to upset him. Which is insane because no-one has a say over my opinions at all, i'm fiercely independent. He does have the ability to make me see things from other people's points of view sometimes but thats not influencing me. (hmm)
We've not had to the best relationship and I feel like if I 'have a go' (this is how she will see it) then things will deteriorate. (sad)

[PolarBearLover14]

Lol bottleofredplease
Yes this sounds like my mum, my hubbies opinion is golden and mine is always wrong.
I did wonder once if she fancied him, hahaha!

[Laiste]

I'm a SAHM at the mo and was moaning to DM (in her 70s) about cooking night after night being boring. I said DH was brilliant though and didn't expect it of me.

She pulled a face and said ''.... but you DO though, because he's paying for it''

!

He's not 'paying for me to cook FGS!'. I didn't pull her up on it, couldn't be arsed, and i know it's generational. I just seethed silently.

[pipsqueak25]

it's generational imo, do what works for you then when you get the face from dm / dmil - smile and wave boys smile and wave, works a treat for me.

[pipsqueak25]

laiste dh is paying you to cook dinner, um.... better get my bill sorted out...[goes to look for pen, paper and card reader, visa/paypal accepted, but cash for choice - no tax!

[ImperialBlether]

Hey, her generation was the generation of Germaine Greer, don't forget. This isn't some new-fangled thing that she's having to get to grips with.

[Laiste]

pip - I am seriously under minimum wage thinking about it ...

Imperial - you're right y'know. Good point. Mind you, I don't know if GGs ideas were embraced wholeheartedly by the mainstream back then. Even now my mum calls all obviously strong outspoken women in the media 'that awful woman'. No matter what their opinion.

[myownprivateidaho]

I don't understand, was her comment a response to yours on Facebook? Because your Facebook comment implies that your DH was going to stay up and look after your son. Maybe that's what your mum thought happened?

[OzzieFem]

It may well be that your mother does not want to upset your husband. Perhaps she thinks that if she does upset him, then you will boot her out of the family and she will not be able to see her grandchild. You did say you had issues in the past but were getting along better since your son was born.

[PolarBearLover14]

myownprivateidaho No the status was saying he was planning to sleep on the sofa so my son could sleep in our bed with me. Her comment was on the phone to me the next day (it was on speaker phone so DH could hear so maybe she was trying to apease him)

OzzieFem Yes maybe but I am surprised that she thinks he has that much say over who I see and what I do in that way. He would never stop me seeing my family no matter what they did.

[OldBeanbagz]

It's definitely a generation thing.

I've been visiting my mum in hospital and looking after my elderly dad a lot recently. Yesterday she suggested i don't bother going today because i have two DC to look after.

Surely DH is more than capable of looking after them too? It's not like they're breastfeeding babies. They're 14 & 11 and my dad needs more looking after than them!

[AcrossthePond55]

I'm the same age as your mother. It's not generational! As another poster mentioned above, we grew up in the throes of the Women's Lib movement and the vast majority of us brook no bullshit when it comes to equality in our marriages.

But there are still a few women who, for whatever reason, didn't get with the program. They're throwbacks.

Ignore her. You don't need her approval and her disapproval means dick-all. "The dogs bark, but the caravan passes on". Let her bark.

[alfagirl73]

My DM is of the view that the man is in charge; he makes the decisions and the woman has to "obey" him. She enjoys playing the role of the "feeble woman" who needs a man to do things for her.

If I, for example, say I'm going to do something - I don't know - go out with friends, take on a new project, whatever... she can't help herself, she always says "and have you asked DP....?" like I have to ask his permission. He thinks it's as absurd as I do, and we both make it clear that our relationship is very equal (he runs his own business, I have a successful career in law) and that I am not his "property"... I do not have to ask his permission for anything. But she still does it.

She also takes the view that anything I say can't possibly be correct, but if DP says it's right - suddenly it's acceptable. Other people are always "intelligent and well-read" - but if I express knowledge of something I'm just called a "know-it-all" and my comments are met with eye-rolls and remarks implying that I'm just stupid.

I think it's partly generational - but also that some women, for whatever bizarre reason - still believe that those stereotypical roles are correct. Some women moved on, but some still consider the old way to be right - or at least they strangely seem to like it that way.

[MistresssIggi]

My DM wouldn't have this attitude, but my mil certainly would. Same generation, different people.