To ask DP to change bedsheets??

[Mermaidsandbutterflies]

I stay over my DP's house once or twice a week but several times during the week his DS will stay over (he is 9) but due to an ongoing issue of his DS refusing to stay in his own bed he always sleeps on "my side" of the bed when he stays at his dad's.

My DP rarely changes the sheets as it is and I've stated that I'm really uncomfortable knowing that his DS has dribbled and sweated on the same pillow/sheets that I'm expected to sleep on the following night. My DP got very offended when I brought this up and said its only a bit of sweat/dribble just turn the pillow over...

am I being over the top here do I just need to get a grip or should I insist until this sleeping arrangement is sorted that I would like to have clean sheets to sleep on?
I know obviously I don't change my bedsheets every day but then I shower before I go to bed every night whereas my DP and his DS don't.

[Vixxfacee]

I would expect it to be changed yes.

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

I'd want them changed and also take my own pillow with me

[ProseccoBitch]

YANBU. I would want them to be changed too, but there are few men (that I know anyway) who would change sheets several times a week! Can he stay over at your house instead?

[Mermaidsandbutterflies]

yeah we usually rotate so I'll stay at his house once or twice a week and then him at mine once or twice a week depending on what hours we are both working as sometimes its easier to go to his and vice versa. The difference being I change my bedsheets once a week and no one sleeps on his side when he isn't there.....

[44PumpLane]

If he's not willing to do this and it's something you won't compromise on (don't blame you as I wouldn't like that either), can I maybe suggest investing in 2 king size flat sheets?

So on nights you go round you whip his duvet off, fling on a flat sheet and roughly tuck in- voila clean under sheet, then pop on second king size sheet then duvet on top and voila clean upper cover, and bring your own pillow.
Shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 mins to put on and then to take off in the morning and leaves you in control of how often it gets washed.

Agree this isn't ideal but it may be morr appealing as a solution that sleeping on someone else's drool and it's still fairly compact in terms of schlepping it about.

[Mermaidsandbutterflies]

That's a good idea 44pumpLane - I think I will buy a spare pillow as usually deciding which house to go to is last minute so I'd have to carry my pillow to work with me lol. I will keep it in his wardrobe and insist that it is only for me to sleep on! Will do the bedsheet thing aswell.

[Crunchymum]

Assuming you guys have sex in that bed does he think it's OK for his child to sleep in a bed which has sexual bodily fluids on / in it?

[museumum]

So you want him changing the sheets about three times a week? No way could I be doing with that, sorry.
So long as the sheets are changed weekly it wouldn't bother me if a 9 yo sleeps on the same sheets a few times.
I think if it bothers you you need to bring over a couple more sets if bedding to his and do the bed changing if he does all the extra washing.

[MsMims]

YANBU. The only person I want to share my sheets with is my partner. Doesn't take long to change a bed, why is his laziness more important than you feeling comfortable?

[PotteringAlong]

Assuming you guys have sex in that bed does he think it's OK for his child to sleep in a bed which has sexual bodily fluids on / in it?

I don't think this is uncommon... if we've had sex in bed at bedtime and a dc crawls in in the middle of the night we don't kick them out because we've had sex on the sheets.

I wouldn't be changing the beds 3 times a week either. I'm with your DP - it would be a none issue for me.

[FlameGrower]

YABU

How much does a 9 year old dribble and sweat during the night? Changing the sheets several times a week would be OTT. He does need to get in the habit of changing the sheets weekly though.

[StarlingMurmuration]

I'd probably want my own pillow because I do tend to get a bit spotty iof the pillowcase isn't clean. But how much sweating etc do you expect a 9 year old to do? It sounds unpleasantly like you have some distaste for his son - if the relationship continues, surely you're going to end up as his stepmother, and then you may be exposed to far worse bodily secretations (e.g. if he gets sick in the night etc).

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

No way would I change the sheets that often. You could take a fitted sheet with you and pop it over the top if it bothers you?

[Mermaidsandbutterflies]

FlameGrower he does dribble and sweat a lot during the night believe it or not. If he didn't then I probably wouldn't have so much of an issue with sleeping on the same pillow/sheets. The pillow always smells really sweaty/dirty after he has stayed over - whether this is because he doesn't bath before he goes to bed and is usually running around after school playing some activity and getting sweaty I don't know but either way I think ill just get another pillow...

[Mermaidsandbutterflies]

Starling - I don't have any distaste for his son I absolutely adore him but that doesn't mean I want to share sweat with him... if he is sick when I become his stepmother then hopefully it wont be in our bed and if it is then I would change the sheets but DP doesn't that's the issue...

[FlameGrower]

If he dribbles a lot well then definitely have your own pillow. And tell him the sheets need to be changed weekly. Not pleasant for you or his son to be sleeping on stale sheets.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Maybe it would be easier to ask DP to make DS bath before bed?

Sorry if I got that wrong - it just sounded to me like you didn't like him very much.

[neonrainbow]

Is there a bigger issue of him not taking care of his sons hygiene?

[TheNaze73]

It really sounds like your issue, is with the boy?

[smarterthanhim]

I'd want a fresh pillow case, but not the whole bed!

[tibbawyrots]

I feel vaguely sick at the thought of someone else (no matter whom) sleeping in my bed and the bedding not being changed in between.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Of course kids dribble at night! Mine does

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

Mmm smells dirty and sweaty

It's fine me saying that about my child I wouldn't want to hear it form anyone else

I think asking him to change the sheets once a week is fine but I would be careful about saying anything about his ds. To him it will smell of his ds and he may like it

[MargaretCavendish]

I sort of think you're both being a bit unreasonable. Thinking back to before my husband and I lived together and we stayed at each other's once or twice a week, I would almost always change the sheets on a day he was staying, and I do think that's a nice and welcoming thing to do. However, I'd have been a bit pissed off if he'd demanded this: I don't think you get to set the sheet changing schedule in a house you don't even live in. I also don't know how practical this is if he doesn't always know when you're coming - is he always going to a have a clean/dry set of bedding available, especially if you're wanting it changed several times a week?

Wouldn't the easiest solution be for your partner and you to swap sides, so he sleeps where his son sleeps when you're there?