To feel uni could go better

[Clabbage]

Dropped DD to uni yesterday, 300 miles away to find flat (within halls) already a shambles, no remaining cupboard space for her stuff and a 'flat planner' stuck to the notice board which had a space for house rules that had been completed by three lads who stated their intentions as 'drinking, shagging and doing drugs'. I am far from naive (older DD at uni whose philosophy prob matches theirs) but it seems a bit misguided when you don't know who else is moving in. Anyway, not the issue really, just background. It turns out that the three lads are all friends from college an hour from uni. The other girl lives relatively near and has told DD that her girlfriend will visit most of the time. Poor DD feels totally isolated and already wants to come home. AIBU to feel that unis should avoid housing mates together for the benefit of their fellow housemates? And maybe mix up 'more local' students with those a long way from home? It seems that the majority don't travel far these days.

[ollyollyoxenfree]

Hi OP

Your daughter should focus on making friends on her course and societies

Give that flat a go (and actually see if she bonds with the 3 guys and other girl) rather than writing them off! If still no good she can apply for a room transfer to different halls, students do it all the time. Generally you have to wait a fortnight after term starts so the uni knows who's where!

Hopefully she'll really enjoy uni when she settles in :) also- catered halls tend to be a lot more social than non catered if she can afford it!

[Clabbage]

Thank you! I know it's early days and no doubt things will improve. Just felt the uni could do better

[HeddaGarbled]

Oh dear, not a good start for her. I can completely understand how she feels. She would have been hoping for a good mix and a ready made group of friends. Probably unrealistic for the university to manage things differently. It's not like school where they know the pupils and can take individual needs and preferences into consideration. This is very very large numbers of anonymous students applying for accommodation preferences and just being randomly allocated. They don't have the staff or resources to do anything else.

If the three lads are really messy/dirty and disruptive, she can apply for a transfer. She'll likely make friends with people on her course and in the next door flats but she doesn't have to put up with really bad behaviour in her own flat.

[Clabbage]

heddagarbled
Thank you.. this thing is, it clearly hasn't been randomly allocated as these boys are already friends from college so I can only assume that they requested a flat together. And I guess, that's what I think is wrong.

[Clabbage]

Good to know she can change if it's really bad. No doubt it will settle but I'd hoped for more for her! Don't we always though?

[stonecircle]

I seem to remember that at the university DS is at there was something about being able to request first year accommodation with friends. One of his friends suggested it but DS wasn't that keen and the friend didn't get the grades in the end. I think that's awful. Everyone should start on an equal footing - ie not knowing anyone else.

They did ask a lot of questions about interests etc when he applied for accommodation but this didn't seem to be reflected in the flat mix. Fortunately he got on well enough with 3 of them to share a house this year.

I think universities should make a point of not housing friends together rather than encouraging it.

[Sweetandsour93]

I can understand her discomfort as I would've felt a bit weird if everyone in my uni flat had already known each other. However, it might turn out better than she thinks. I'd say give it a couple of weeks to see how things settle then ask for a transfer to other halls if she's still unhappy. There's nearly always spare flats as people drop out or change flats.

Also, try not to worry as most people make their closest friends on their course These are the people she'll spend time with the most and they can visit each other's halls, go out etc. I made most of my friends through my course and then I lived with them in second and third year. The first weeks are sometimes the most difficult.

[hellsbells99]

Hi Op. I do feel for your DD. Mine moved into her flat (of 11 - eek) on Saturday and is feeling out of her depth. She didn't get the accommodation she wanted and appears to have got one of the posh halls. A lot of her flat have been to private school and several to boarding school, and consequently are quite confident and not missing home. DD on the other hand is state school educated, a bit geeky and a real home bird. She says they are all very nice but she is feeling out of her depth. I am hoping she will meet more similar personalities when her course starts.