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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Caught in the act

56 replies

SecretAriel · 12/09/2016 11:32

Ds (6) caught us having sex this morning. I was flustered and embarrassed at the time. He thought something was wrong and was worried. I just told him we were cuddling and let him watch tv before breakfast as a distraction (usually a nono as it distracts so much I struggle to get him ready for school). He seems to have forgotten all about it and believed the cuddling explanation. However dh can't stop worrying about it. He says he remembers catching his dm and df when he was about that age and his df getting very angry about him walking in. Says its a terrible memory and he doesn't want that for our ds. AIBU to be so blasé? Did i do the right thing with the cuddling lie? Feel he is too young for more in depth explanation and too old to believe that we were playing. Dh starting to annoy me with the way he is making a drama of it all, and he says i am uncaring and burying my head in the sand and that ds will be emotionally scarred

OP posts:

Somerville · 12/09/2016 11:36

Sex does involve cuddling so it's not a lie. (Unless he say you doing some way-out position, in which case yoga would be a better excuse.)

Tell your DH that most parents are caught once before they realise they need a lock on their door and to use it!

Finally... Monday morning sex... kudos!

Ragwort · 12/09/2016 11:37

Well it's happened now ................. what does your DH expect to do about it? . The more you go on about it the more your DS will think it something to be concerned about. Perfectly OK to say you were having a cuddle.

misscph1973 · 12/09/2016 11:37

Your DH is emotionally scarred and projecting, it sounds like your DS is fine.

Personally I have never wanted to have sex if there was even the slightest risk that my DC would see/hear us. I have a horrible memory similar to your DH myself (I was in the same bedroom as my moaning parents!).

acasualobserver · 12/09/2016 11:37

I think you handled it well and your husband is over-thinking it. Anyway, the test will be if your son mentions it again and is no longer convinced about the cuddling explanation. Cross that bridge if you come to it.

Original poster

SecretAriel · 12/09/2016 11:44

Thanks all. Its good to know I'm not just too relaxed about it. I tend towards a laid back attitude with most things and sometimes need pulling up for it. at yoga

OP posts:

Lovewineandchocs · 12/09/2016 11:56

It sounds as if it's the anger shown by his DF that is making this a horrible memory for your DH, rather than the walking in on them per se. You handled this completely differently and very well imo so I don't think your DS will be emotionally scarred and your DH is being dramatic.

mostlyslowly · 12/09/2016 12:00

Be interesting to see what his story is in English this week.
Yes got caught, and stopped. DW was more concerned than me, but it was never mentioned by DD

BadTasteFlump · 12/09/2016 12:01

Personally I have never wanted to have sex if there was even the slightest risk that my DC would see/hear us

So surely that would mean never having sex again until the DC left home?

A laid back attitude is definitely the way to go IMO - your H was freaked out by his DF being angry, not the sex itself. People have sex and it's normal. DC realising that as they grow up is no bad thing.

GeorgiePeachie · 12/09/2016 12:04

Do some light cuddling in the kitchen complete with tiny massage and yay moans to complete the illusion?

GAH I dunno, I walked in on my parents having sex and I don't think it I was scarred but I do remember it now, I don't think I asked about it because I am a proper British child in a British family and so all confusion and feelings are submerged under shame and propriety :P

I do know that my parents split up soon after this so it was probably their last attempt to rekindle something and I ballsed it up. Feel a bit guilty about that....

SpinningTotem · 12/09/2016 12:05

We got caught once by supposed to be sleeping DS(3) who interrupted us with, "Mummy, Daddy, what are you doing?"

We told him we were play wrestling. He seemed perfectly happy with that explanation.

diddl · 12/09/2016 12:07

We used to lock the door.

Then one day a little voice shouted "mummy, are you OK, your breathing is funny!"

You've given an explanation, it's now best left imo.

damngirl · 12/09/2016 12:10

Diddl that's so funny

BitOutOfPractice · 12/09/2016 12:10

"mummy, are you OK, your breathing is funny!"

AlpacaPicnic · 12/09/2016 12:12

Your explanation was spot on, don't worry about it. Your DS wont remember a thing until he's eighteen then a horrible flashback will occur but he will never ever mention it and may get quite drunk that night

I agree with LoveWine, your DH remembers his DF being very angry, if it wasn't for that reaction he may never have recalled it at all as is 'wasn't anything important'

Original poster

SecretAriel · 12/09/2016 12:15

He does over-share at school so can only imagine what he will tell his teacher just hope he bought my line!
Agree that dh is projecting his feelings onto ds. His df was never very nice, not abusive as such but not far away from it.
My friends toddler once interrupted them shouting "mummy doing horsey horsey". Maybe I laughed too much at the time and this was karma.

OP posts:

wiccamum · 12/09/2016 12:20

Haha, this sounds too familiar! Love the "breathing sounds funny" response 😆

My DD walked in on me and DH once, I was mortified, but even more so when DH explained "mummy was snoring so I was just rolling her over to make her stop"...Jesus! 😳

YelloDraw · 12/09/2016 12:21

Finally... Monday morning sex... kudos!

+1!

elQuintoConyo · 12/09/2016 12:25

I'm laughing my arse of at this thread! The breathing funny, the snoring you're killing me!

WorkAccount · 12/09/2016 12:31

my sister and I call it "making the bed" being caught is normal

pleasemothermay1 · 12/09/2016 12:34

poster BadTasteFlump Mon 12-Sep-16 12:01:59
Personally I have never wanted to have sex if there was even the slightest risk that my DC would see/hear us

So surely that would mean never having sex again until the DC left home? confused

agreed we were caught by ds 13 at the time he was away decided he changed his mind about sleeping at his friends just burst into out some saying I am home

Mycatsabastard · 12/09/2016 12:34

Who on earth has the time for sex on Monday mornings??

JohnCheese · 12/09/2016 12:42

Another one here MYSTIFED by how on earth you have the headspace and time for sex on a Monday morning??

As a pp said: kudos

samG76 · 12/09/2016 12:46

I think this thread is a stealth boast

Somerville · 12/09/2016 12:52

stealth boast

Katastrophe13 · 12/09/2016 12:54

When my DH was 15 he walked in on his dad performing oral sex on his mum. I was emotionally scarred just hearing the story. I think you will have got away with the cuddling explanation though and he will be fine. As PP have said, it's probably the shouting that actually upset your DH.

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