To not let this man have anything to do with DD?

(20 Posts)
Kukoo Wed 27-Jul-16 10:15:21

DD is 11. Her biological father left when she was 6 months old. We hadn't been together long, he was from another country and ended up going back there.

He then spent time in prison and went on to have two more DC within months with two different women. He is no longer with either.

DD has always seen ex h as her father. We were together from when she was 18 months old, he had parental responsibility, she calls him dad and we share custody.

Her biological has never shown an interest in DD. He's contacted sporadically, every few years of do asking to speak to her but nothing else.

A year ago in the early hours he sent loads of weird photos of him partying and said he wanted to be in contact again, clearly drunk. Then last night DP and I were woken up at 4am with a call from him (unanswered) and message saying he 'wants to see DD, OK?' ... If was 1am were he was...

What on earth is he doing? Aibu to not want this man anywhere near DD fir the time being? She has never shown any interest in him and doesn't want to speak to him.

CalleighDoodle Wed 27-Jul-16 10:17:05

How old is she?

CalleighDoodle Wed 27-Jul-16 10:17:32

Sorry! That was the bery first thing your wrote. Have you asked her? What was he in prison for?

Kukoo Wed 27-Jul-16 10:19:28

Drugs.

Missgraeme Wed 27-Jul-16 10:20:39

If he gets back in touch then tell him to go through the proper channels - ie a solicitor then court. I wouldn't be too concerned if he is a dick. . Your daughters wishes would be taken into account anyway at her age. Keep a record of calls etc incase he causes u hassle and u need to inform the police.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Wed 27-Jul-16 10:21:20

Ignore

Kukoo Wed 27-Jul-16 10:21:38

She spoke to him on the phone a few years ago, and really didn't want to. I've asked her about him but she really has no interest. For now anyway.

He's never supported her of sent as much as a birthday card.

She does show an interest in his family, we swap photos and messages occasionally.

Kukoo Wed 27-Jul-16 10:22:00

His family are lovely by the way

KoalaDownUnder Wed 27-Jul-16 10:23:46

YANBU.

I'd say that as he has been no kind of father so far, whatsoever, he can either a) go through the courts (he won't bother), or b) wait until she is 18 and can make up her own mind.

LaurieLemons Wed 27-Jul-16 10:37:25

Tell him he can go through the courts, I doubt he will bother. What does your DD think ?

Shizzlestix Wed 27-Jul-16 10:59:24

Block his number.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Wed 27-Jul-16 11:46:03

Just block his number, I wouldn't put the idea of going to court in his head, he can work that out for himself.

Kukoo Fri 29-Jul-16 09:17:22

Hi, I didn't block his number as I was in two minds whether I ought to write and explain my stance.

He has called a few times a day since, sent photos of him and his mother and messaged again to say he needs to speak to DD and when would be a good time....

I have just sent him a message explaining why I don't think it's a good idea and asking if there is a specific reason he 'needs' to speak to her now.

Do you think I ought to discuss it with DD's dad (ex h)?

davos Fri 29-Jul-16 09:26:48

If your ex has PR, it would be sensible to discuss this with him. He is dds parent.

Personally I would block him and let him do it through official channels. Chances are that he will not bother.

ZoniSouslaLune Sun 31-Jul-16 01:15:57

Since he sent photos of his mother, is it possible that she is ailing and he wants your dd to see her?

I don't blame you for being cautious though.

Doinmummy Sun 31-Jul-16 01:21:31

Your poor DD , this man is a stranger to her not to mention a total waste of space .

I would ignore, don't get into any conversations with him , certainly not in the middle of the night , when I reckon he's either high on drugs or drunk .

Doinmummy Sun 31-Jul-16 01:24:43

Also if there is something wrong with her grandmother , I wouldn't be comfortable with him telling DD over the phone (not sure why, just wouldn't feel right).

NovemberInDailyFailLand Sun 31-Jul-16 01:42:29

He's a stranger. Personally I wouldn't want to disrupt my child's life for someone clearly quite unsavoury.

BurningBridges Sun 31-Jul-16 01:46:33

Definitely keep him away, and tell him to go through courts - does he know where you live?

blondieblondie Sun 31-Jul-16 01:52:33

How does your ex h have parental responsibility? Is that something her bio dad had to agree to? Just curious, no idea how that works,

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