Partners mother is getting too much or

(19 Posts)
mischadee Sat 23-Jul-16 16:03:20

Our dislike of one another started from the week me and my partner got together she didnt like the fact I have piercings and a couple of tattoos so I wasn't allowed near their house
It got much worse when she found out I was pregnant when she tried to force me into getting an abortion telling my partner to 'pay me off'
At about 18 weeks pregnant I decided to give them ago and met his parents properly they just kept on undermining me, she's constantly putting me down over my weight and dismissing me from conversations.
I've always tried to be polite and get involved with my partner's family and let them see my daughter but I get nowhere, she told my partner a matter of weeks ago that she doesn't like me.
Now they've gone on a family holiday inviting all of their children and grandchildren except for my partner, he won't admit it's bothering him but I can tell it's tearing him up
I don't know if I am being daft and if I can do anything to help
I don't know what I've done wrong :/

NapQueen Sat 23-Jul-16 16:05:43

You've done nothing wrong, from what is written here.

I'd say you've dodged a bullet. If someone is that much of a dick head that they can't see past tattoos (not that they should be any indicator of personality) or piercings (likewise) then they don't seem to be the type of people I'd want in my kids lives.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 23-Jul-16 16:06:18

You've not had the baby yet?

They sound dreadful but it's better they didn't invite him if they weren't/couldn't invite you because you can't travel.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sat 23-Jul-16 16:06:22

I'd walk away.

Fuck that.

mischadee Sat 23-Jul-16 16:10:38

I have had the baby now she's 8 months it's just that they've seen her a handful of times since she's been born and we have to make all the effort to get and get them involved
It winds me up though they act like the best people online and to their friends but really don't bother with my partner

mischadee Sat 23-Jul-16 16:14:17

I feel bad for venting online but everytime I try and talk to my partner about it he just shrugs and doesn't want to speak about it

pinkyredrose Sun 24-Jul-16 00:33:06

Why doesn't he want to speak about it? Doesn't it bother him?

whatamockerywemake Sun 24-Jul-16 00:40:44

Walk away, don't bother trying.

Build other bridges for your and your gorgeous baby!

Their loss.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 24-Jul-16 00:58:53

Not your circus, not your monkeys. What you need to do now is support your partner in dealing with the fact that his family are a flock of snobbish arseholes.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds Sun 24-Jul-16 08:44:10

Your poor partner.

Sadly if their love for him is conditional on him doing as he's told and staying under their control then he has two simple but very painful choices about his life.

EreniTheFrog Sun 24-Jul-16 08:48:26

What disgrace says. They're his parents, not yours.

But if your P can't stick up for you, then it sounds like your relationship must be very strained.

mrsfuzzy Sun 24-Jul-16 08:54:41

may be dp actually feels between rock and a hard place and does not want to cause friction. op is probably better being nc with 'inlaws',if he's not talking about it it could be because he's embarrassed by their behaviour, they sound like hard work, but i would want to know where the relationship was going in the long term, if he wasn't going to stick up for me and dd i wouldn't stick around tbh.

Blablabla1984 Sun 24-Jul-16 09:01:43

Your partner has picked you for a reason and that's all that matters. Once your baby arrives, the three of you will be your own little family with loads of memories to build.

Keep being polite but at the same time keep your distance... Many people aren't close to their in-laws.

diaimchlo Sun 24-Jul-16 09:07:34

I don't see that OP's partner is sticking up for her, nowhere has she said this at all. The problem lays with his bigoted Mother not him.

OP you have done everything you can to try and get on with his Mother but to no avail. In your position I would carry on with my family life without any thought to your partner's family's feelings. I most certainly would not like my DD to be involved with anyone who exhibits this disgusting type of behaviour. It is their loss!

I think your partner doesn't want to talk about it because he is feeling embarrassed about the way she is treating both of you. Just go and give him a big hug and enjoy your life together.

mischadee Sun 24-Jul-16 22:52:02

Thank you all for replying
We've had a chat today after a bit of trying and hes said there isn't much point in me trying to get along with his parents anymore, my family don't judge him and aren't rude so he thinks we should keep a good relationship with them.
He realised that the only times we have seen his parents is when they want something like mother's day gifts and whenever he asks them to see us they're too busy.
I've said he is to still try and communicate with his family and meet with his parents but he's shrugging it off and feels like it wont make a difference

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 24-Jul-16 23:12:48

Pass him a manhug from me. Hopefully he'll come to regard your family as his real one.

mischadee Mon 25-Jul-16 13:02:16

Thank you

PersianCatLady Mon 25-Jul-16 13:11:11

I feel bad for venting online
If you feel that venting online and the advice that you get is helping you then surely there is no need to feel bad. Sometimes just the very action of typing out what is bothering you really helps you to get things clear in your mind. Then the advice that you get can possibly help you to resolve the situation.

HereIAm20 Mon 25-Jul-16 15:03:01

Just keep things ticking along nicely with your partner and try not to stress too much about his family. When you are still together in 5 years or 10 years that is when they will realise what a mistake in that they have no involvement. I used to be so stressed that my MIL didn't like me and went on about DH's ex all the time but once I said bugger it and went NC or very low contact I felt better. She is still a FB friend and I post lots of lovely pics when we do nice things and she sometimes comments in a nice way now (but I ignore her comments - petty I know - but a great feeling of satisfaction). She is the one missing out on her GC

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