To think people are becoming more inconsiderate and selfish

[TwentyOneGuns]

I'm getting so fed up with having my life and space interrupted by other people's selfish behaviour. I know you can't live in a bubble but surely it's not BU to expect basic manners?

It's things like colleagues who think it's acceptable to put the radio on through their computer and sing along even though it disturbs everyone else. Or idiots on trains who play loud music, watch videos without headphones, eat smelly food or just think the rest of the carriage is interested in their conversation. Or neighbours who think it's fine to sit in the garden drunkenly yelling and laughing until stupid o'clock when people are trying to sleep.

These are just a few recent examples. I appreciate I am probably getting old and grumpy but this is really getting me down. Why should I have to sit at work wearing headphones or sleep in a different room just because of other people's thoughlessness? I'm sick of it :(.

[WhooooAmI24601]

I don't know if it's more common or if as you get older you begin to notice it more.

As a twenty-something I was rarely home of a weekend and couldn't have told you what the neighbours were up to. In my thirties with two DCs I am often home on a Saturday night and can hear the drunk fool next door yawping Coldplay on her karaoke machine til gone 3am.

My theory is that I'm only aware of it now that I'm a proper adult; on trains I've got the DCs with me now, so people loudly listening to sweary rap music means I notice because I don't want the DCs to shout "motherfucker" next time the MIL visits.

YANBU though. Manners are so important for children; we remind them constantly to use theirs, then suddenly loads of adults don't want to bother.

[DesolateWaist]

I think it's partially to do with being a proper adult and therefore finding stuff like that annoying and partially to do with the fact that there are now so many more ways to annoy people.
Years ago playing the radio through your computer wouldn't have been possible. Or watching videos on the train.

[MargaretCavendish]

Have you spoken to any of the many people annoying you, or are you just silently seething? People aren't mind readers! I think some of your complaints are fair and others legitimate - and that's the problem, these things are subjective and you can't just assume that everyone automatically knows what you will find annoying. You might find people are much more reasonable than you think if you just say something.

[branofthemist]

When I see threads like this I always wonder if I grew differently. Or that people don't remember or just notice it more.

People drinking in their garden, til the early hours, was really common when I was younger.

In fact all the things you mention happened when I was younger. People in town or on buses with Walkmans turned up full blast. Or even just a music player with no headphones at all.

[BrandNewAndImproved]

I think it just gets annoying the older you get. I've started getting annoyed by people littering for instance and a few years ago I wouldn't have noticed or cared.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

I agree that there seems to be less politeness and more 'it's my right' nowadays.

[FrikkaDilla]

I've been thinking the same of late. Wish manners would become fashionable again.

[DesolateWaist]

you can't just assume that everyone automatically knows what you will find annoying

There is nothing in the op, except perhaps for smelly food, that anyone with any sense should need to be told is not acceptable behaviour. No one should need to be told that playing loud music, watching a film without headphones, singing in the office or making a row in the early hours is annoying.

[MargaretCavendish]

Well, lots of offices have the radio on, so I disagree on that. I also think it's ridiculous to expect people not to talk on trains. I also think different people have different interpretations of 'stupid o' clock' and of what would consist of an unreasonable size and frequency of party. I think people are much more often unaware than deliberately annoying. When I was in my early twenties a neighbour came round to complain that our (small gatherings, not blowout raves) parties were bothering them, so we toned it down. They accepted that we weren't going to be silent, though - and we, in turn, accepted their screaming toddler. People do have different standards, but they are often open to compromise.

[TwentyOneGuns]

I know I am probably getting intolerant as I get older but it just seems that pretty much every aspect of my life is impacted by somebody else's thoughtlessness.

Yes lots of offices have the radio on but why should one person be allowed to play their specific choice of station on their own computer? What would happen if everyone did that?! And just because loud parties or inconsiderate parking have always happened doesn't make it right. It does seem to be more common now though.

I haven't said anything in any of these situations because I don't know how to without looking like I'm BU - people have a habit of making you feel uncomfortable if you complain - 'ooh 21Guns was a bit grumpy today just because X had the radio on, what's the matter with her?!'

So I just seethe quietly, lack sleep, Google noise-cancelling headphones and don't look forward to going to work any more :(

[WeirdAndPissedOff]

Re the music on computers - we recently looked into doing this in our office (going by general consensus) but you are actually supposed to have a public music license so we weren't allowed.
Might be worth mentioning.

I think some of these things are inconsiderate, but I also think they bother you more as you get older.

[branofthemist]

And just because loud parties or inconsiderate parking have always happened doesn't make it right.

no it doesn't. But your title talks about people becoming more inconsiderate.

I think there have always been lots of inconsiderate people. I don't think it's any worse than twenty years ago.

[LockedOutOfMN]

Agree with DesolateWaist that most, if not all of the things the OP finds ill mannered and things that are just common sense, such as not subjecting other people on your bus or train to your music or loud conversation.

I travelled a few days ago on a train in England (I live abroad) for five hours and was shocked - and annoyed - by people's behaviour in what was called, the "quiet carriage". I feel it's a shame as many of us try to bring up our children to behave respectfully and thoughtfully towards others yet are faced with many examples of the opposite.

[EwanWhosearmy]

I agree with you actually. I've been thinking this for a while.

I had to go for a CT scan last week. You have to sit and wait for an hour because you have to drink something that shows up on the scan. The appointment was for 6 o'clock.

Waiting room quite packed. The woman nearest to me, middle-aged same as me, had brought her adult daughter, her adult son, and a baby in a pushchair to her appointment . The daughter was singing loudly to the baby to keep it amused, then decided to come up the room and sick right next to me to feed it (with a spoon). And continue to sing.

Once they'd gone, another little group of people were waiting and elderly man is watching some sort of sport on his phone. With the sound turned up loud. Again, he wasn't the patient.

It's bad enough having to drink the horrible stuff, and to have to wait in a basement for an hour. But to be stuck with extra noisy people who don't need to be there is really annoying.

[EwanWhosearmy]

I agree with you actually. I've been thinking this for a while.

I had to go for a CT scan last week. You have to sit and wait for an hour because you have to drink something that shows up on the scan. The appointment was for 6 o'clock.

Waiting room quite packed. The woman nearest to me, middle-aged same as me, had brought her adult daughter, her adult son, and a baby in a pushchair to her appointment . The daughter was singing loudly to the baby to keep it amused, then decided to come up the room and sick right next to me to feed it (with a spoon). And continue to sing.

Once they'd gone, another little group of people were waiting and elderly man is watching some sort of sport on his phone. With the sound turned up loud. Again, he wasn't the patient.

It's bad enough having to drink the horrible stuff, and to have to wait in a basement for an hour. But to be stuck with extra noisy people who don't need to be there is really annoying.

[EwanWhosearmy]

sit not sick . That would have been even more annoying!

[EwanWhosearmy]

sit not sick . That would have been even more annoying!

[TwentyOneGuns]

If people start thinking it's acceptable to throw up on one another I really will give up!

[TwentyOneGuns]

OK so it's generally accepted that these things happen whether you like it or not. How would it be best for me to approach eg the work situation without looking unreasonable? Or do I just have to put up with it?

[KoalaDownUnder]

I have a colleague who has an actual transistor radio on her desk and turns it up as soon as the boss leaves.

She also sings along and talks loudly to herself.

Never mind that it's open plan and some of us are still there working / trying to concentrate. (This is a legal practice, if it matters. And she's admin, not a lawyer - so is usually doing mundane filing or paper shredding by then.)

It's just so fucking self-centred and obnoxious. Like, 'Ooh, I'm winding down for the day, time to turn the office into my personal disco!', and fuck anyone else.

[MargaretCavendish]

I don't think you have to put up with it, but I do think you need to drop the 'you are wrong and I am right' attitude. I think you could reasonably and politely ask them to use headphones (or even just turn the volume down?) but I think you're much more likely to get a positive result if you frame it as 'can you do me a favour' rather than beginning from the premise that you have a right to silence. I appreciate that this might seem massively unfair to you.

[MolesBreathless]

...but the default position in an office environment should be silence. OP is right and radio woman is wrong.

Observing basic professional etiquette shouldn't be framed as 'doing her a favour'

[branofthemist]

...but the default position in an office environment should be silence. OP is right and radio woman is wrong.

Eh? I have never worked in an office where science was the default. And I wouldn't want to either.

The op isn't right. It's how she feels. People may feel differently to her. When you exist in a group, compromise is needed. Not 'I want it this way so everyone else must comply'


That attitude is quite rude in itself.

[MargaretCavendish]

Surely that depends on the office? The admin depart where I work has always had the radio or some other source of music on all day every day for at least five years (while I've been working there). Surely in that situation asking for silence would be an imposition?

Anyway, regardless of who is 'right' OP is much more likely to get what she wants if she asks tactfully. Surely it's the outcome that matters, not getting to feel morally superior?

[MolesBreathless]

I have to disagree - offices (certainly the professional ones I have worked in) should have silence as their default.

There are likely to be job-related conversations happening, some chit chat too, but they are essentially a work environment and that should be the main focus of the people in the office.

I think we have gone too far down the road of believing everyone's opinion should carry equal weight in all circumstances. This is why (IMO) the world seems so much more selfish these days...