To not send dd to ballet party

(22 Posts)
naichick Sat 11-Jun-16 15:34:19

So dd is 5, she has been to 3 lessons so far and cried each time. They have said there's a party today but adults are not allowed as no parking/space etc. I don't want her to go because I think she will cry and I barely know the ballet teachers. AIBU not to send her? My mum thinks I should just drop her off and leave her to it.

CuntingDMjournos Sat 11-Jun-16 15:35:43

Why would you send her to something she doesn't enjoy?

LIZS Sat 11-Jun-16 15:36:50

If she cries each time at 5 I'd say to leave ballet altogether, not just the party.

Floggingmolly Sat 11-Jun-16 15:38:19

You don't want her to go, she doesn't want to go... I can't honestly see what the issue is confused

naichick Sat 11-Jun-16 15:40:12

She is generally nervous always cried at school nursery etc just takes time to settle in. She wants to go, currently is adamant she's going! Shes always keen bit then bottles it a bit when we get there even at her friends birthday parties etc.

MadamDeathstare Sat 11-Jun-16 15:41:08

As posted above, why are you sending her to a class where she has cried every single time?

Definitely don't send her to a ballet party and leave her when she is already crying in the lessons. 'Leave her to it'? Leave a five year old to cry all the way through a party because she dislikes being there so much? And, on top of that, with a bunch of strangers who may or may not comfort her, or take your mother's approach and 'leave her to it'?

naichick Sat 11-Jun-16 15:47:45

Its tricky because she is so excited to do things but then gets nervous cause its new! I'm not a pushy parent at all, I would happily not send her but she wants to go to all these things. Shes always taken a long time to settle into things. I'm definitely not sending her to the party, just wanted to make sure I wasn't being pfb. Thank you for your replies!

Floggingmolly Sat 11-Jun-16 15:49:01

But it wasn't new after the first time??

VioletBam Sat 11-Jun-16 15:52:09

3 times isn't that many...all the posters repeating the same question to the OP about why she keeps sending her...er...probably because she wants to see if DD gets used to it!

It's not like she's made her go for a year, in tears!

OP...if she wants to go to the party, take her. Maybe turn up a bit early in case she isn't happy.

But a party situation might just be what helps her to get used to ballet....a less formal atmosphere and some fun might help her settle.

My DD was like this in reception ...tears every drop off...then on Halloween...they had a special party day with dressing up and BAM...DD was suddenly fine. She loved school after that day.

Could you ask if you can stay, as an exception because your dd might cry? And park a little further away so as not to cause any difficulties with other parents doing drop offs?

MadamDeathstare Sat 11-Jun-16 15:58:09

VioletBarn 'All those posters.....' would be because we all thought the same thing and posted at once and managed to cross post with the OP.

naichick Sat 11-Jun-16 15:58:19

Thanks Violet! Its a tricky one because if I just put a blanket ban on all clubs etc because they might her cry then surely I would have an even less confident child? Or will she just get better as she gets older?

MadamDeathstare Sat 11-Jun-16 15:59:57

Then why are you asking the question? You already know the answer, you're going to send her and hope she enjoys it. You know your child better than a bunch of strangers on the internet. I thought you genuinely had a concern, but it sounds like you don't.

MadamDeathstare Sat 11-Jun-16 16:02:04

My previous post came across as harsh. You do know your child better than we could do. My DDs don't cry at things like this so my response is going to be based around a crying child being extremely upset, not a nervous child getting used to something new. Obviously we will be posting at cross purposes.

NewLife4Me Sat 11-Jun-16 16:05:09

I think she should go if she wants to, but tell her she won't enjoy it at all if she cries and it's supposed to be enjoyable.

As for the lessons, speak to her and find out what the problem is, she should be able to tell you at 5 years old.

I do think your mum has a point tbh, I wouldn't take this stance but she has to learn sometimes that the crying is nonsense and she enjoys herself once she settles.

I haven't got the answer but maybe talking the steps with her so she knows what to expect. It may be the lack of this that makes her uneasy.

Good luck, whatever you decide thanks

VioletBam Sat 11-Jun-16 16:09:05

OP it's very hard when your child isn't the confident one you thought she might be...I know because I've been there too. It's awful when your DD who you want to be happy and outgoing just isn't. And it's not awful for any reason other than you're worried about her being unhappy!

I remember my relief when DD finally got some self confidence and wasn't so overwhelmed...I do think you should send her to the party and if she hates it, then perhaps leave the classes alone for a while.

My DD didn't enjoy classes till' she was 9. She took her time but now she's 11 she is very much a social creature.

Donthate Sat 11-Jun-16 16:09:15

Send her but leave your number so they can call if she is distraught.

naichick Sat 11-Jun-16 16:12:15

No she's not going, me and my dh have decided that we would feel too uneasy as the teachers are basically strangers at the moment! Thank you for your responses, don't worry madam I know where you are coming from. Hopefully we can work through the lessons and she will become less nervous.

HiddenMeaning Sat 11-Jun-16 16:14:10

I'd just leave it another 6 months and try again.

Laiste Sat 11-Jun-16 16:39:23

I was like this as a kid. I can remember it clearly! You want to go and then get the heeby jeebies and wanted my mum, missed my house, worried about what was coming next, didn't like a certain smell, noise, person ect. Then stood and cried. My mum would ask me every time if i wanted to go and i'd always say yes. Sometimes i settled down ok (ballet) and sometimes i never did and my mum stopped taking me (brownies). I think she usually gave it a couple of months.

I grew out of it grin

Cleo1303 Sat 11-Jun-16 16:40:42

You have already made your decision, but if she really doesn't like ballet classes you could maybe finish them at the end of this term?

I took my DD to ballet classes when she was three. All the other children loved it. She hated it. She is a very outgoing sociable child, but she just hated ballet.

Fortunately when she went to school she was offered a chance of ballet and karate. She was the only girl who opted for karate! She was/is quite a girly girl, but she just loathed ballet.

GeoffreysGoat Sat 11-Jun-16 16:42:48

I would go, park up the road and stay until she's settled

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now