AIBU - weeing before sex

(89 Posts)
fassbendersmistress Mon 06-Jun-16 23:18:43

Trying to conceive (several months trying, 2 MMC's within the last year)...so far managing to keep things fun and stress free....still enjoying it as opposed to it becoming hard bloody work...(we both work, have an early waker DC...finding the energy is not always easy).

Anyway, DP pokes head round kitchen door tonight...are we having sex? Yes, I'll be up in a minute. We have a giggle along the lines of 'let's gets this business over with then...'. I head upstairs, pop into bathroom to brush my teeth and have a quick wee. Arrive in bedroom ready to go and he looks up at me and says, in seriousness, not a joke, 'next time can you not have a wee just before sex' and then pulls a disgusted face 'it's really off putting'. I was still processing this when he said 'let's have sex in the morning'....all the while pulling a totally grossed out face. I asked him if he was serious, he grimaced and confirmed he was. I stormed off....

I'm bloody furious. AIBU or is that a totally unnecessary and rude thing to say. Or am I at fault for putting him off? I genuinely don't know and am so mad. The bathroom door was open a little bit, he was in the bedroom up a small flight of stairs and a landing away. It was NOT a massive wee!! I'm really offended and annoyed because even if I wanted to we can't have sex in the morning because I'm off to work very early. He knew this.

To avoid drip feeding he almost daily takes a dump with the bathroom door open and constantly farts in front of me...(much to his own amusement). But suddenly he finds great disgust in bodily functions.

Lilacpink40 Mon 06-Jun-16 23:20:43

YANBU were you supposed to hold onto your wee? Weird!

hownottofuckup Mon 06-Jun-16 23:21:29

I'd be pretty offended and wonder what the hell he was on about.
At least you know water sports is well and truly off the cards.

JapaneseSlipper Mon 06-Jun-16 23:21:33

Wow - he's ridiculous.

NowSissyThatWalk Mon 06-Jun-16 23:21:46

What the??? No YANBU! Urinating before and after sex is well known to not only be more comfortable (you won't be distracted for one!) but also helps prevent UTI's.
Let him have his grump, I'm angry on your behalf!

whois Mon 06-Jun-16 23:23:37

At least you know water sports is well and truly off the cards.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hs is BU. But next time shut the door and he'll bever know :-)

Florene Mon 06-Jun-16 23:23:42

Is he aware that it comes out of a different hole to the one he planned on using?

TheseLittleEarthquakes Mon 06-Jun-16 23:23:51

Not having a piss before sex is a sure fire way to end up with cystitis.

fatmomma99 Mon 06-Jun-16 23:24:05

Was he in the room when you gave birth previously?

No - You are not BU, he is being a wanker. (I might have had a quick swoosh with my parts by the sink if I was hoping for a little oral action, but def not unreasonable to wee).

Are you ovulating? Maybe he isn't massively in the mood tonight but feels like he needs to pull it out of the bag?

Sorry about your MCs. flowers and good luck conceiving soon. x

Froginapan Mon 06-Jun-16 23:24:45

YADNBU

It's horribly uncomfortable if you have even a half-full bladder!

MyBeard Mon 06-Jun-16 23:25:18

If I didn't wee first I'd wee during and I'm sure he'd find that way more disgusting as would i grin

Passthecake30 Mon 06-Jun-16 23:26:39

sounds like my dp....I was heavily pregnant and weeing in the night and got told "close the door it sounds gross" ...I was across the landing. At least it doesn't sound like a stream..::

Anyway...I would've thought a man would rather you wee in case you were desperate and dribbled during the act!!!

JapaneseSlipper Mon 06-Jun-16 23:27:08

"Arrive in bedroom ready to go and he looks up at me and says, in seriousness, not a joke, 'next time can you not have a wee just before sex' and then pulls a disgusted face 'it's really off putting'. I was still processing this when he said 'let's have sex in the morning'....all the while pulling a totally grossed out face. I asked him if he was serious, he grimaced and confirmed he was."

I actually think you need to sit down with him, tell him you want "a chat", and ask him what the hell is going on. As this little performance is not normal behaviour. He should know that you are calling him out on it.

If he has doubts about TTC, time to get them out of him, because it's totally wrong to act like he is.

fassbendersmistress Mon 06-Jun-16 23:28:58

hownotto that's made me laugh!

The thing is, I get the impression it wasn't even that he heard me wee, but that he knew that's what I was doing (like I don't it that every night since fucking ever!!!) I think I'm so mad because there are serious double standards at work here...

emwithme Mon 06-Jun-16 23:33:16

FFS, my DH sometimes says "go for a wee, I fancy a shag" the old romantic because he knows that a full bladder and a shag leads to (a) me not coming properly and (b) cystitis and an emergency run out for cranberry juice.

But then again, I have been known to say "I am due on imminently. If you fancy a shag, it's now or next week." We're made for each other grin

fassbendersmistress Mon 06-Jun-16 23:33:50

I am ovulating, which he knows, and he has up to date been as keen as me, if not more, to conceive. He has form for behaving immaturely at times. I'm thinking maybe he decided he didn't want sex and he thought this was an easy way out....I think I need to tell him how embarrassed and hurt I felt.

To add insult to injury I can now hear 2 foxes going for it in the garden....

Osirus Mon 06-Jun-16 23:34:53

We both go before (and me after!). It's more comfortable that way, surely! I'm 38 weeks pregnant at the moment so wee all the time - not actually had sex for a while though.

Do you think he was just trying to find an excuse to avoid sex?

HappenstanceMarmite Mon 06-Jun-16 23:35:00

Did you have a lady-wash after weeing? You know...swill your parts with water? Just thinking of oral and how it might have put him off knowing you'd left droplets behind...

Summerblaze100 Mon 06-Jun-16 23:35:00

YANBU at all. During those spur of the moment times, I've been known on numerous occasions to interrupt the action and say 'sorry but I need to wee'. Never bothers my DH.

If you'd wee'd 2 hours before but not had a shower surely it's the same.

steff13 Mon 06-Jun-16 23:35:07

I don't know why he is disgusted, but peeing before sex can cause UTIs.

www.yahoo.com/beauty/the-pre-sex-move-you-should-stop-doing-now-108654774447.html

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/deliberately-urinating-before-sex-can-increase-risk-of-urinary-tract-infections-9999283.html

HappenstanceMarmite Mon 06-Jun-16 23:35:54

Because I wouldn't like a pissy smelling knob is what I meant to add.

AnyFucker Mon 06-Jun-16 23:38:40

Well, he sounds a peach

fassbendersmistress Mon 06-Jun-16 23:41:30

Happenstance oral was not on the cards....neither of us is really into it so I can guarantee it wasn't for fear of a pissy nob (and I can't bring myself to consider that he really doesn't know that my vagina and urethra are 2 separate bits...

KindDogsTail Mon 06-Jun-16 23:44:12

You are not being unreasonable.
It was not reasonable of your husband to behave like that.
How upsetting and horrible for you fassbenders

But this is touchy ground. It would have been just a feeling and reaction on his part that he should have hidden from you, but maybe couldn't help having.

Your husband would be looking for Romance and mystery, especially with the need to conceive perhaps feeling like a job. Maybe memories of the birth of your other baby come into it too, and get easily in the way of sexual feelings if raw body functions come into his mind.

Some women always run the tap to disguise the sound.

Also see this poem about "A Lady's Dressing Room" by Jonathan Swift"
hauskeller.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/celia-shits-on-jonathan-swifts-ladys.html

IsItMeOr Mon 06-Jun-16 23:48:52

Happenstance am I missing something, or does your wee come out of somewhere other than your nob?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now