AIBU that a sleepover means trash the house?

[lolaflores]

3 girls for sleepover friday night. one of them tips a box of dolly parts over, steps over it and moves onto another pile of stuff which is liberally deposited around the room. I asked her politely to pick up...yes of course...course fucking not. She then drew on the other girls face. She has form for this so the matter was raised on arrival but she did it anyway. She then locked my DD out of the room and I had to negotiate her re entry.....screamed her frigging head off till about 1am, again despite numerous requests to keep it down. Naturally, I said nothing to the parents as I am a big pansy but never again.
Mine is in sleep deprived coma. I just don't understand why this happens. A kind of madness descends. Anyone else have bans on sleep overs? Am I a mean mummy to not allow them in future?

[MakeItRain]

Allow them, but vet the guests! Anyone who has form for causing problems isn't invited. Oh and one friend at a time is easier. Does your dd have any friends who like their sleep?

[Lilaclily]

How old are we talking ?

[2rebecca]

You don't invite the badly behaved ones again and I agree just one friend at a time

[Artandco]

Sounds horrid, why did you invite a child known to be a horror?

That's not a normal sleepover no. Normal is dinner, play in garden, watch a film maybe, bed. Add some snacks somewhere

All in bed asleep by 10-11pm depending on ages

[Shannaratiger]

Precisely why no sleep overs here!

[lolaflores]

all aged about 9. first time had more than 1. there is a love triangle at the moment and I felt like ringing her parents after the locking DD out of the room. I didn't want the bandit to come but knowing how DD loves her, relented. Don't want DD to feel bad about the young one's behaviour but did have to point out why these things are such a bad idea.
DD is now upstairs plodding about listlessly trying to pick up all the shite her friends left lying about....live and learn baby

[Excited101]

At the screaming I'd have had her parents on the phone.

Why why why wouldn't you say anything to them?!

[lolaflores]

DD got left out of Bandit's birthday party. Strung her along the whole week at school with the firm promise of an invite only to tell her on Friday that it wasn't happening. It is so so hard to watch your kid be heartbroken for the first time. She sat in her room and made DH sit with her while she played on the floor. But she wants to be her friend.....this is the worst bit of being a parent. Not the potty traiing or the late nights but seeing them hurt and not being able to do a thing about it.

[lolaflores]

Excited101 did't want to embarras them really. But did give them the bums rush out the door. Didn't say she was a pleasure to have or any of the usual fluff. Just yeah, bye. DOn't know her parents that well so kept it short.

[2rebecca]

9 is old enough to discuss why the vandal? Bandit isn't a real friend. Real friends don't trash their friends house, real friends don't change their minds about inviting you, real friends enhance your life and make it more fun not more stressful.
You also have to be selfish. This is your weekend and your house. Why spend your time being stressed out by unruly brats? Life is too short. Not getting invited again also teaches her a lesson about consequences

[lolaflores]

2rebecca thank you. That is the learning curve that I need to go with.

[BeALert]

In that situation I tell the misbehaving child that I'm calling their parents so they can go home.

[lolaflores]

BeAlert i should have put the foot down a lot harder and faster in hindsight. My excuse to myself is that I wanted DD to have a nice time but it was out of hand and that was down to me.

[suchafuss]

I did a sleepover last night with the childfrom hell too! Another friend arrived in the morning and i caught her telling mine and the other girl that they had to do as she said all day and then in the afternoon she would decide who had been the nicest and she would take them swimming I told in no uncertain terms that she was not allowed to do that in my house and sent her straight home. That little madam is no longer welcome in my home.

[halighhalighaliehaligh]

When my kids friends are in my care they are treated the same way as my kids. And I would expect mine to be disciplined in others houses as well. What would you do if your dd dumped stuff out and refused to pick it up? The same should apply to 'bandit'. I wouldn't be putting films on/getting goodies out or whatever until it was picked up. If there are no consequences of course kids will run wild.

[Discobabe]

I wouldn't have allowed her to come in the first place after the way she treated your dd. I'd be telling dd exactly why you don't need 'friends' like that, would not encourage any kind of friendship othervthan being civil and polite and suggest she invite someone else/just stick with the other friends she invited.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

That's the complete opposite to sleepovers here and my dd is ten so her friends are 9/10. She had two friends to stay recently and they were so quiet I almost forgot they were here. Aren't sleepovers at that age a case of retreat to your room for treats and dvd's mostly? I would like to think I would have called her parents but I am a bit of a chicken so may have opted for the fish wife option

[lolaflores]

DD is very clear about the young one now. Any rose tint on the glasses has been rubbed off. I think she was actually embarrased herself in honesty. We had a talk and I said that if I thought she would behave like that in someone elses house that DH and I would be mortified. Bit of perspective for her.
On my own part, if I can't be firm with the other kids, then this is the outcome too. Can't be walked over by some little madam then whinge about it. I was the adult but just turned into marshmallow. Ashamed of myself really