Not to bail my mother out this time?

[MrsBlackthorn]

My mother rang me this week to tell me she was about to cancel a holiday she’s booked for her and my dad for this summer, because she can't afford it. Dad’s retired on a state pension, mum’s self-employed with a very variable income that in the last few months has taken a huge dive. She's been teling me and everyone who'll listen how skint she is for months (or years).

From her tone I think she was hoping I’d say “don’t be silly, I’ll pay for it for you”. But I’m heartily sick of my mum’s inability to prioritise her spending; one week she’s complaining she’s broke, the next she’s booked six holidays for the year because they were “very good value”. She’s constantly complaining she’s skint, but as soon as she has a month with a marginally better pay packet she’s buying a new computer or booking a holiday.

Thing is, I can afford to pay for their holiday for them. I’m lucky enough to – for now, at least – earn a good living. Mum knows this (although perhaps not exactly how much I earn). But it’s barely a month since I last paid for a flight for her that she wanted but couldn’t really afford “because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity”, and I’m pissed off at being made to feel guilty about booking my own one luxury holiday a year for myself because she’s booked six cheap ones that she can’t afford.

AIBU?

[ENormaSnob]

Yanbu

No way would I pay.

[OurBlanche]

Noooooooooooooooo!

Sorry mum, I still haven't caught up after the flights

or a plain and simple No!

Doubtless she will find some way of paying them off... just don't assume it has to be you. Parents are supposed to support their kids, not lean heavily on them for the non essential stuff.

[LillyVonSchtupp]

YANBU. At all.

My DP's feckless mother is a complete sponge. Always dropping heavy hints about how she can't afford this and that in a poor me tone. I've long since taught him the MN mantra "No is a complete sentence".

[MrsBlackthorn]

Thanks all. Not just me then!

She called me again this afternoon. She still hasn't actually cancelled.

"We'll see if we can find the money from somewhere... I'd lose the deposit if I cancel"

The deposit is £400. They'll get back the other £1800. They literally have no other money.

I genuinely cannot understand her logic. She hasn't even got money for groceries, yet she's spending £2200 on a holiday. And a week where she's not working is one where she's not earning either.

And it turns out she has two more booked for later in the year on which she's put down a deposit but still has to pay the rest.

I really worry about her. Her spending is out of control. She does need to learn... but she's reached her mid 60s without doing so. If anything, she's getting worse by the year!

[witsender]

Yanbu. Just make sympathetic noises, smile and nod.

[rollonthesummer]

Hold firm and say you're still paying off her last flight. Who did she rely on for money before you came along?!

[CaveMum]

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind: don't give her the money.

Next time she starts dropping hints make a very obvious point of changing the subject. It's either that or confront it head on and give her some home truths.

[TheLambShankRedemption]

It has to stop somewhere, better to do it sooner rather than later.

[MrsBlackthorn]

Credit cards, mostly. She's had a few windfalls (redundancy payout, inheritance), but every time she's managed to be broke again within a year or two after buying new cars, "once in a lifetime" trips, etc.

[DeepFriedFlamingo]

My Mother is the same, I stopped giving her money ages ago. I say 'no' and just switch off when the guilt trips come