To be pissed at this?

(14 Posts)
SurroMummy13 Tue 12-Apr-16 07:37:44

My daughter has been unwell the last 3 days, up the last 3 nights, would only sleep on me and moving every 10mins (max) and has woken to be sick each night. Of course I'm the only one to actually care for her. One day, yesterday I was working from 7am-10:30pm he cared for her, barely. I came home around 3:45pm and she hadn't been dressed, hair brushed, face washed or cleaned her teeth. I came back and he was playing on his Xbox, she was on the other sofa.

I bathed her, brushed her hair and teeth and changed her PJ's and gave her food. Then I had to leave at 5:30 to get back to work.

I got messages (around 15) while at work asking e to come home and look after her because he was tired and couldn't deal with her screaming. I couldn't leave work but I talked him through it and eventually arrived home shortly after 10pm where I found her asleep on the sofa, him on the other one.

I get changed and settle down on the sofa with her. Asked what time he's planning on going to bed and he started huffing. Eventually left at 10:45pm.

Please bare this in mind, had around 3 hours broken sleep over 3 nights and cared (well, may I add) for OUR poorly girl alone over these 3 nights and 2 days.

Now to this morning. I woke him at 6:30am asking if he can care for her for under 2 hours while I rest slightly. I got "what time is it?" I told him, then I left to 'sit myself out ' (on period, 1st in 3 months and extremely heavy and uncomfortable/painful) he shouted behind me "you just go to bed"

As I sat down in the bathroom out daughter fell in the other room and hurt herself. I waited a few seconds for him to see to her. Nothing. He hadn't moved so I got out of bathroom and picked her up, went to the bedroom door and said to him "just go back to sleep". As I closed the door he shouted "fucking moody cow". I opened the door and as I did he said "fucking thought so". I told him "don't speak to me like that. Closed the door and walked off.

Am I being unreasonable? For asking for help? For being upset at the way he spoke to me?

lovelilies Tue 12-Apr-16 07:41:18

From the sounds of if YAnBu,
How old is DD?
Can you talk to DP and spell it out what he's supposed to be doing?
I know he should just 'get it' but he obviously doesn't..
He shouldn't speak to you like that, esp in from of DD.

Hope you get some rest thanks

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 12-Apr-16 07:41:56

It all sounds grim. That's no relationship

PPie10 Tue 12-Apr-16 07:44:51

Yanbu to be pissed off. Why are you with someone who can't be bothered to be a parent and speaks to you that way?

MoggyP Tue 12-Apr-16 07:50:06

Alcohol is not the answer. Getting pissed might bring you the sleep you need, but it isn't going to solve anything.

And in future do not tell him he can go back to sleep unless you mean it.

You need to sleep (unmedicated, well no alcohol at least). How can you get some unbroken time?

Yes, you'll have to think about the state of your relationship, but do this when a) back on an even keel with no signs of sleep deprivation and b) sober (and not craving)

SurroMummy13 Tue 12-Apr-16 07:52:10

She's 3 years old. He knows what he should be doing. And he's said before. "If you ever need help at night or in the morning, or during the night, just ask"

But any time I do, I get crap for it.

I very rarely do (only when I'm absolutely exhausted) because he works full time and I try to let him sleep so he's not tired for work the next day.

whois Tue 12-Apr-16 07:53:21

Alcohol is not the answer. Getting pissed might bring you the sleep you need, but it isn't going to solve anything.

I may have miss read, but I think the soap means 'pissed' as in really annoyed not inebriated.

SurroMummy13 Tue 12-Apr-16 07:55:46

Too tired to figure out of you're being sarcastic. Pissed is a word (round these parts) as another word for 'really fucking angry'.

Last drink I had was early January.

If you think I'd drink, especially while caring for my poorly daughter, well, no. Just no.

SurroMummy13 Tue 12-Apr-16 07:57:03

Thanks Whois

Yeah I mean annoyed,

Tessticklesyourfancy Tue 12-Apr-16 08:09:07

Sounds terrible OP. You said at the beginning you have a daughter, is your partner dd's dad? Not that it should make s blind bit of difference if he is supposed to be looking after her while you're working he should be doing just that not leaving her un washed and not fed while he plays on his Xbox. How long after him getting home from work and you leaving for work, did you have much time I between to tell him how dd had been all day and what needed doing or was it a quick hand over?

Tessticklesyourfancy Tue 12-Apr-16 08:15:58

blush sorry just re read your post. I'd wrongly assumed the hours had been including working at home iysyim. That's a hell of a working day!! No way should your poor dd have beeneft all day like that. Was he in charge all day?

purplebaglady Tue 12-Apr-16 09:00:07

A huge confirmation that most (definitely not all) men are fairly clueless. In his eyes he's cared for her by being in the same room. He's fed her, given her a drink, he's done his bit and he thinks YABU.
YANBU. Now probably isn't the time to sit down and talk it through if you are so tired.
Could you move a mattress into your daughter's room for a few nights so getting back to sleep when disturbed is easier (not ideal, I know). Then talk to him when you are both more rested?
I've been here too, I found sleeping next to my sick child the best way to get max rest especially if involving DH provoked aggravation or verbal abuse.
The only down side is if it's for more than a few nights, you may have DD coming in to find you once you are back in your own room. Tell DH he can settle her then as you did the nights when she was poorly and it's his turn. He may surprise you! Good luck, be kind to yourself. His behaviour is unreasonable and tiredness magnifies it ten fold. thanks

SurroMummy13 Tue 12-Apr-16 10:15:21

Thanks all. I'm mostly tired but upset too.

I just thought he'd try and understand. He's at work now, texting me, being overly nice. I'm not interested. Cba talking to him ATM, too upset. Not even angry really, just disappointed

Pixienott0005 Tue 19-Apr-16 21:01:43

Got to be honest op, he sounds like the sort of bloke that thinks because he's a bloke and you've got a vagina, that you should do the majority.

I hope you paint the picture clear enough for him and you manage to get things sorted. Bet you're shattered.

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