Ok, so it's not a traditional birthday party but my friends have organised a night out to celebrate my 21st tomorrow, my birthday is actually on Monday but I suppose that's not really relevant or important. We're going for a few drinks in a number of bars and then heading back to my friends house who is hosting everyone for my birthday.
I know that it's lovely they've organised a night out for me, they've all been telling me how excited they are and I genuinely appreciate the effort, kindness and thought they've put into organising it. Whether I want to or not tomorrow I'm definitely attending as I would never let them down in that way.
To minimise drip posts I'll mention that the reason I don't want to go is my ongoing mental health issues. Even with the massive progress I've made I still find it difficult to be in large groups even when those are compromised of friends. There's that and the fact that I'll be travelling an hour away from home for the night out and I'm not looking forward to the train journey home the next day hungover 
AIBU?
To not want to attend my own birthday party
MarbleFox · 09/04/2016 01:16
YANBU,
And I'll let you into a secret, at your exact age my friends did the same to me and I just wasn't ready. I went for 2 hours and was miserable throughout and had to put on a face. I left. I just bloody left and I felt awful but I got the train to my DP and we had a night in where I felt comfortable and enjoyed a birthday celebration I actually wanted.
Even though it's short notice I would cancel, you can say any reason you like. You're not bad for doing that because you are ill. Just not the sort of ill some people accept easily.
Just on another note have you ever told your friends about your mental health? It might help if you could confide in someone who could sort of act like a buffer to prevent things like this. Plus you always need a friend when going through something like this.
I hope you feel okay soon. Its a long road but it does get better 
happy birthday
Happy 21st for Monday MarbleFox
YADNBU!! You really should tell your friends about your MH. I suffer from depression and also hate big crowds, also in the past 6 months I have become really ill and can't leave home for long periods of time (on a good day a couple of hours is the absolute most) I can't eat any food when I'm away from home either. Anyway my DH and best friend informed me they are having a 40th party for me next year 
At the best of times I'd hate it hate being the centre of attention I've warned them both no party but am now living in fear of my birthday next year already.
Thanks for the birthday wishes and lovely messages of support everyone 
My friends know about my MH issues and for the most part are very supportive and understanding but as none of them (to my knowledge) have any significant problems of their own I think it's difficult for them to fully get their head around how I feel sometimes. It's not through ignorance or lack of compassion but more that they just have no comparable experiences IYKWIM?
While no ones came out and said it I suspect they've organised quiet drinks at bars early in evening when they won't be so crowded and then back to my friends house with my issues in mind as they know I really can't handle clubs but they love them!
The last train home tonight is at 11pm and I warned them last week I may end up getting it depending on how I feel. They were totally understanding and insistent as it's my birthday I can do whatever the hell I want
Happy 21st for Monday
As they know about your mental health, go along for a few hours and then if you feel uncomfortable just say thank you for a nice evening but I feel I need to go home I sure they will understand.
They sound like lovely understanding friends. You are very lucky
My friends who have never suffered MH issues just did not understand my feelings at all.
YANBU to feel the way you do, but I would still go if I were you. You may really enjoy yourself! And if you don't, then you can always leave. Hope you have a wonderful birthday xxx
They are lovely friends and I'm definitely lucky to have them considering I've heard of people's friends completely cutting them off or being insensitive and deliberately ignorant about their mental health issues 
Hope you enjoyed your birthday MarbleFox the way you wanted it
Broughtmyownbag what I really would have liked was just a meal in a beautiful local hotel for just DH & our DSs and maybe my BF & her family too (our 2 families are very close). My own DM & DB wouldn't be interested in a meal out so it wouldn't bother them at all.
Unfortunately though with being ill I can't eat away from home anyway so I might just have to stay at home 
Thank you Happy It was a very calm and quiet night but very enjoyable, I'm glad I went!
If you stay at home then make sure you're lavished ink takeaways or your DH's cooking
Very glad to hear that MarbleFox, sounds perfect! Bit more birthday 
for you
...and Happy - you can still say what you'd like best of all, can't you, even within your constraints?
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