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AIBU?

That the worst part of the empty nest...

21 replies

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 01/04/2016 22:41

...is the sorting the 20 year pile of STUFF. We love DD dearly, but we made a start today. Just the understair cupboard so far: it generated 4 charity bags, filled the recycling bin, found a scarf missing for 3 years etc.
Didn't have thought it would hurt quite so much.

OP posts:

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Dragongirl10 · 01/04/2016 22:54

So sorry you are feeling so sad ....mine are still here for some years yet but your post fills me with dread for that time...... maybe nows the time to plan a fab holiday for you and Ds.....

AcrossthePond55 · 01/04/2016 23:29

We were empty nesters x 2, then one of the fledglings flew home 18 mos ago (job redundancy). He's got a new job so hopefully he'll be getting his own place soon.

I only had a very brief period of sadness when our sons left home. But in exchange it means less work, less worry (out of sight, out of mind I guess), more time for myself, and more time for DH and I to learn to be 'just us two' again.

I also viewed it as the natural course of things AND proof that we had done a good job as parents. We raised and sent two young men into the world knowing they were equipped to deal with everyday life. We were lucky that neither of them went too far so we see DS1 (and DiL) often and will still see DS2 often once he's back out on his own. You don't lose your children when they move out. Quite the contrary, your relationship becomes even richer because they make you a part of their world, as well as continuing to be part of yours.

Fatmomma99 · 01/04/2016 23:31

If you love them, set them free.

When they come back, it's because they WANT to be there.

But sorry for your pain.

thecatfromjapan · 01/04/2016 23:35

Oh.

I'll bet it hurts.

I've read "Empty Nest" by Joanna Trollope, and that Pelican book by Quentin Blake, bitterly thinking the while "That's right. Come into our lives, suck us dry, zoom off into life, leaving us diminished wrecks ..." but I am still dreading it.

to you.

thecatfromjapan · 01/04/2016 23:39

Three bags from the understairs, though ... did it make you long for the idea of taking to the Zen path?

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 01/04/2016 23:55

I've not reached Empty Nest stage but DS is upstairs all the time now with his PS4. I'm sat in the living room with no company but the radio.

It's bloody miserable. Though the front room's sparkling.

My sympathies.

MunchMunch · 02/04/2016 00:55

I won't have an empty nest as I have to smaller dc but ds1 (16) has started the application process to join the Navy and while I'm proud of him and know it'll be the making of him - he's a good lad but I think it's something he'll enjoy - I find myself missing him already and all he's done is part filled in a form!

I'm being selfish and dreading him actually leaving for the 10 week course let alone actually qualifying and living down there as its so far away.

He's my baby!

MunchMunch · 02/04/2016 00:56

Sorry to hijack your thread there but I feel a bit better about getting it off my chest.

for you.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 02/04/2016 07:51

Thanks. Of course, she still brings laundry home, given the halls of residence washing machine charges.

OP posts:

Lydiaellis · 04/08/2016 17:08

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Foxyloxy1plus1 · 04/08/2016 17:43

Yes, it's easier day to day when you're not worrying every time they're late home. But- you just never stop worrying about them, even when they have children of their own.

The house will be quieter, tidier and probably cleaner. There are some advantages though and you do get used to it.

DramaAlpaca · 04/08/2016 17:47

Oh, the emptying nest is so hard.

I've had two of them go, but they clearly liked it better here as now they are both back

I think I'll be waiting a while longer to attack their left behind clutter.

BodsAuntieFlo · 04/08/2016 17:49

I had an empty nest for a number of years and you do get used to it eventually. It's a sad time though. My sparkling house is no more as two of the buggars have moved back in with spouses. They're all truly lovely but I can't wait to have our home back to ourselves. Our lot are like boomerangs .

TotalConfucius · 04/08/2016 17:50

What I found stupidly difficult was sorting through the board games.
I finally found the strength to get rid of Boney Head. As I removed it from the shelf, brushing off its cobwebs, DS now 21 walked in.
"That always scared the shit out of me"
Sod off you little git, you loved it! You used to make me play it for hours on end when you were 6, till all I could hear was the spectral ha-ha-haaaa'ing.
I've kept The Disney version of Sorry though.

sara4 · 04/08/2016 17:55

I feel your pain. My DS hopefully off to university in September. He's the grumpy one who never talks to us but when he was away earlier this month it was so quiet. Even with three others at home. Less conflict! Dreading it....

Thornrose · 04/08/2016 17:56

I've been pushed into an empty nest earlier than I would've liked. Dd has Aspergers, she is almost 17 and she will be going into some form of residential placement when she leaves hospital.

I'm trying to tell myself it's not unlike dc going off to uni!

AnnieOnnieMouse · 04/08/2016 17:59

Ah, she is what is known as a laundry student! Mine was, too!
I do enjoy having a quiet, empty house sometimes, and the fact that the fridge doesn't mysteriously empty overnight.
I do miss having a lounge full of large 18 year olds now and again, and I do miss my kids loads, as I rarely see them.
The 'stuff' is very difficult. DS wasn't too bad, he took his things bit by bit, and sorted them, so there is just a shelf in a bedroom with a few bits. DD had it hard, tho, as she had a relationship go sour, so asked us to look after her things for a whiel. She's just collected some of them, but loads more - her formal dresses and shoes, are still boxed up in the loft, and I had to sort her boxes to make the room useable, so I was very aware of sorting through and flinging stuff belonging to another adult.
I had 3 piles - keep, fling and ask, and every time she came home I'd try to get her to sort through some of the 'ask'. I bet the stuff will stay in the loft until we pop our clogs, then she'll eventually have to sort it and the rest of our own clutter. It's made me determined to sort my own stuff out before then!
[tea] It does hurt

littlewoollypervert · 04/08/2016 18:00

DD moved out by stealth last year - to her grandparents/my parents house which is 20 miles closer to college and to her job. I didn't realise it was happening till I worked out she hadn't slept in her old bed for over 4 weeks - I was completely blindsided, only realised how much it had affected me recently.

However as I commute past my parent's house each day I park the car there, so I see my dad twice a day and I see DD whenever she is in (and not sleeping...)

The house has never been so clean and tidy

Thornrose · 04/08/2016 18:02

Sadly the difference is it's not dd's choice which makes it harder.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 04/08/2016 18:08

I have twins in mid teens and dreading them both going off to uni at the same time. It seems one extreme to the other.

They are both away at the moment and I loved the first couple of days but miss the noise and mess now.

puddingisgood · 04/08/2016 19:33

Oh Thornrose, that sounds a sad situation. Will you be able to visit much? I guess there will be activities arranged for her? I'm glad that she will be being looked after. Now you have to look after yourself too.

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