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AIBU?

To think this sanction was not enough...

17 replies

Bookeatingboy · 31/03/2016 12:17

DS plays for an under 8's football team. He joined around a year ago since some of his school friends were members. Most of the boys are lovely as are their respective parents.

There is this one boy on the team (not at our school) who has a very loud mum who swears at him and threatens to "knock his fucking block off" on a regular basis. His dad is not so loud but has form and recently knocked another man out at an adult football match. Consequently the boy is a bully and has constantly tormented team members. There are no special needs involved his mum just says he's "a little shit".

Around 8 weeks ago his punched a boy on the other team we were playing and knocked him to the ground, the punch was so hard. He was apparently given his first warning but missed no training or matches. Last week he jumped on at least three of his team mates and punched another of his team mates directly in the stomach. Again he missed one training but nothing else.

This is not enough surely...

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molyholy · 31/03/2016 12:21

I feel sorry for the boy. He is obviously brought up in a very aggressive environment and sees this as an acceptable way to behave.

I would be banning his parents from the matches.

Bookeatingboy · 31/03/2016 12:23

We all feel sorry for the boy which is probably why we've cut him some slack.

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Floggingmolly · 31/03/2016 12:25

The boy is obviously just copying the behaviour he's being modelled. Which is sad for him; but there's no reason other kids have to take the brunt of that. He should certainly have a greater sanction, and agree with Moly; parents should be banned from the field.

wonderingsoul · 31/03/2016 12:25

It's not the boys fault but there will come a time where it will be.

If he's parents aren't going to pull him up then the coach does and he does have the power to ban him him from training and matches .

I would talk to the coach and ask why this hasn't been done.

Bookeatingboy · 31/03/2016 12:30

I think the coach is scared of the boys parents TBF.

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shockwaves · 31/03/2016 12:32

I don't think it's enough, but I think, especially with sports, coaches try and cut the children some slack. However, I agree, it isn't fair on the other children...

grannytomine · 31/03/2016 12:36

My DD was badly bullied at school. The HT told us she had to understand these children had problems. I told him he had to understand that, it was his job, my daughter didn't need to understand it, she just needed to feel safe at school.

I feel sorry for the boy but it isn't fair to make other children suffer and his parents need to be banned. Is there a committee? Maybe the team coach needs a bit of support?

popperdoodles · 31/03/2016 12:36

If they play in a league then the league can ban him and or parents. If this was my son's team he would be banned until he could control his temper. It clearly is coming from the parents but how can they possibly defend such behaviour.

Bookeatingboy · 31/03/2016 12:46

Yes we are in a league.

Coach doesn't seem keen to do anything TBH and I'm getting frustrated that he's getting picked for matches and other lads are being left out. Not a grudge from me as my ds always plays.

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popperdoodles · 31/03/2016 12:53

You could approach the league or the main football club. They have to have a safeguarding officer who would be the person who I would go to. The FA Respect rules are taken quite seriously by most clubs and leagues so if the coach isn't dealing with it then take it higher. It's in the poor boy's best interests.

AugustaFinkNottle · 31/03/2016 12:56

I'd suggest you point out to the coach that he has a duty to keep all children on the team safe and ask them what he is going to do to guarantee that your child is never going to be attacked by this boy ever. If he won't take it seriously, go above his head. Keep using the term "safeguarding duty", it should get them worried.

Bookeatingboy · 31/03/2016 13:00

Will look into that popper thanks.

We are playing the team this weekend that he hit one of their players. We won the match but at the end we let all the boys have a penalty shoot out and when this poor by was celebrating a goal he got punched by our boy. I can't believe the coach has picked him for the team TBH.

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cheeseandcrackers77 · 31/03/2016 13:14

That's awful. I had the unfortunate task of running my son's football team for about 3 hellish years. The one thing I didn't stand for was bullying be it verbal or physical. I often had to threaten to remove boys permanently from the team. I became known as the wicked witch. I didn't care no boy regardless of how good a player got away with it. Thankfully the threat was enough to pull them back in line.
You are right bigger sanctions needed.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 31/03/2016 13:21

If you are in a league I'm really surprised that the ref is not intervening.
Mind you, thinking about it, all u11 games are now non league, non competitive so I guess it must be a friendly league with parent refs?

I feel sorry for the coach in a way- most coaches are volunteers so if he is scared of the parents, it's probably easier to just let him play....however it's really unfair on the other children.

It's hard to know what to suggest- tbh I can't see the coach getting involved. Is there an overall head, or chairman of the club you can speak to?
Also there should be a names safeguarding person- can you find out who that is and approach them?

Bookeatingboy · 31/03/2016 13:22

Glad to hear that I'm not on my own in my views. Some of the language that comes from his mouth is very colourful!

I'm probably the only parent that will say something as I believe the rest are all fearful of what his parents might say or do!

He's not a great player BTW, there are at least two players that play better that have not been selected for the match. The coach is definitely scared of this boys dad which is really sad.

I

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/03/2016 14:41

God help the poor little boy who got punched, and God help the little boy who punched him, Because. If you that's who he's got as examples for parents. He's more to be felt sorried for.
Yes the coach may be scared. No shame in that, but. At the same time. He has to safe guard the other children. Not be pondering to a pair of intimidating horrors.
Perhaps he's in the wrong job.

Yokohamajojo · 31/03/2016 14:47

That is totally unacceptable, he would have been kicked out of our team and the parents would have been talked to but our coaches are very very good and do not tolerate such behaviours from either players or parents. Some dads can be annoyingly vocal and get overly involved during both matches and training.

We have a boy in our team who has ADHD (mum is very open about it) and he can sometimes lose his temper, very rarely violent though but at one game he swore (F word) at another player in the opposing team and he got a match ban from our coach for that!

I have two boys and they both play in the same club but one is U7 and one U9

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