To miss men

(23 Posts)
MrsOlaf78 Wed 24-Feb-16 23:50:06

Before we had children my husband was my buddy - we hung out together going to the cinema, walks, weekends away etc but had our own interests too. My work colleagues were mixed gender but I enjoyed bantering with the men and having a laugh.

Now my eldest is four. I touch base with dh for a little while each day but time at home revolves so much around the children until they're in bed and we are too tired to do much more than fall asleep. He always has somewhere more important to go like work, football matches, darts, seeing his parents (all understandable) but I miss him and being a priority to him.

I have gone back to work after being sahm but I work in a nursery surrounded by female colleagues. They're all lovely but I find myself a little bored talking about recipes, diets and blokes they fancy on the telly. The people I meet up with are my mum, my mil and sometimes other mums and we always talk about the kids. I'm very blessed to have these women in my life but Aibu to crave male company? Does anyone else feel that their life has become overwhelming feminised since becoming a mum?

BillBrysonsBeard Wed 24-Feb-16 23:59:10

I could have written your post OP. I love male friendships and banter and got a lot of that through work but not had much since becoming a SAHM. It's just a very feminine world for the first few years (in most cases) and I have more to talk about in typically male subjects. Wish there were more SAHDs around! DP is great but he can't cover every friendship need, we have lots in common but many different interests too.
I just started chatting to a few ex work mates through facebook and share stuff through there and meet up sometimes, my world feels varied again!

RudeElf Thu 25-Feb-16 00:04:35

I miss men too. I did an access course last year and it was mostly men (just one other woman) and it was brilliant. Lots of gaming talk that went waaay over my head but it was a lot more relaxed than all female environments tend to be IME. I really didnt want the year to end. I miss them all. I now work in an all female place and its hard work keeping up with who is talking or not talking to who and about who and trying to decipher the veiled insults and bitching.

BigBlueBookcase Thu 25-Feb-16 00:07:18

Yes. Definitely. I've always had as many male friends as female. I decided to have a baby on my own, and moved countries to be closer to family just before my son was born. So I've recently had to build a social circle from scratch and doing it as a new mum means it's mainly new mums that I'm meeting.

I desperately miss male friendships. I have no idea how to make male friends as a single 40-something mum though. I've asked everyone I know, and no-one can tell me how... grin

On the upside, I now have a son. He's nearly 3. Does he count as a male friend?!

MrsOlaf78 Thu 25-Feb-16 08:27:46

Glad it's not just me!!

expatinscotland Thu 25-Feb-16 08:30:05

Nah, I like being around mostly females.

usual Thu 25-Feb-16 08:32:57

I can have a laugh with my female colleagues , we don't spend all day talking about recopies, diets and blokes.

tingon Thu 25-Feb-16 08:41:15

I do miss the men I used to work with, it was an endless source of enjoyment hearing how every female they knew fancied them, including the local schoolgirls. A more unattractive bunch it would be hard to imagine.

Elendon Thu 25-Feb-16 09:03:55

I have four brothers and a dear brother in law. I enjoy their company, I've also been to a dinner party and was delighted to be between two men, I was surprised by this. However, I also enjoy the company of women, and feel much more relaxed with them, probably due to same sex schooling as a teenager.

Swings and roundabouts, but I although I enjoy the company of men, I don't fret about not having a significant male other in my life.

Elendon Thu 25-Feb-16 09:05:34

I also have a son, whom I adore and love, just as much as my two daughters.

Seeyounearertime Thu 25-Feb-16 09:10:20

He always has somewhere more important to go like work, football matches, darts, seeing his parents (all understandable) but I miss him and being a priority to him.

I'd say this is what needs sorting personally. If i felt for a second my GF felt she was no longer a priority to me i would be devastated.
It's ok to have hobbies but not at the sacrifice of time with your partner.

Katenka Thu 25-Feb-16 09:15:28

I don't think you miss men. I think you miss your dh.

I do a hobby 2 evenings a week and twice a week during the day.

Dh still knows he is a priority to me. If I have a busy week with socialising I will miss my hobby to spend some time with him.

On the OP though. I like having male friends and would miss them if I didn't speak to them anymore. But I don't see it as missing men. I see it as missing them personally. I love all my friends and each one brings something different. But I don't put this down to their sex.

Annabel7 Thu 25-Feb-16 09:20:10

Do some building work on your house. We had an extension done a while back and I really enjoyed having a bunch of blokes around for a few months. Like you, I always enjoyed a very mixed group of friends at work and post children it's mainly female apart from my husband and dad. I love my female friends but I think a mixture is healthy and normal...

itsbetterthanabox Thu 25-Feb-16 09:33:38

Sounds like you haven't met women you particularly get on well with at work and are thinking all women are like this.
The women I know are clever, funny and interested in a wide variety of things. We laugh, debate and (I hate the word but..) banter.
I also know some dull as ditchwater men.
Fair enough you miss your partner. It sounds like his hobbies are more important than you. Which isn't on.
But you just need some better friends, whatever their sex.

Snazapoo Thu 25-Feb-16 09:36:06

I really miss the company of men too.

I'm a sahm and everything we do revolves around female dominated spaces. Nursery, playgroups, cafes, playgrounds are 98% female (on weekdays).

I have always found the company of men easier, more relaxed and straightforward than that of women.

I also feel sad for my children as they so rarely interact with adult men that aren't their father.

Branleuse Thu 25-Feb-16 10:40:22

I would reply to this thread properly but im too busy looking at pictures of fluffy kittens and reading recipes

sparkles

mrshudson221b Thu 25-Feb-16 11:07:54

its hard work keeping up with who is talking or not talking to who

I don't think this is a particularly female trait - my husband is a serial not talker (we're talking weeks angry).

I know what you mean OP. I recently did a course and it was lovely mixing with a varied bunch of people - not all of whom had kids, let alone the fact that they were of both sexes. I miss them as well.

I do love my close female friends however - I have a difficult non-relationship with my h and would not be able to survive without being able to talk to them.

RudeElf Thu 25-Feb-16 11:11:03

I don't think this is a particularly female trait

Oh i agree, its just what is happening in my current workplace although it is admittedly quite a young staff so perhaps age related rather than woman related.

MrsOlaf78 Thu 25-Feb-16 11:15:32

Snazapoo that's just where I'm coming from! Lol Branleuse grin I guess maybe it's not men I miss so much as non child related activities and conversation! I think because I know these women in a particular context we end up talking about child related stuff. My work colleagues really are obsessed with recipes and baking and making jams and I am never quite sure if they particularly like me or not!! I did find my former male colleagues a bit more straight forward in that they would take the muck out of you to your face and were more laid back and accepting generally but I accept that it's a generalisation that applies to my experiences rather than to everyone.

MrsOlaf78 Thu 25-Feb-16 11:16:28

Mick not muck sorry!! blush

MrsOlaf78 Thu 25-Feb-16 11:25:34

Itsbetterthan - yes I agree there is nothing wrong with female company of course all the women I know are capable of interesting conversation but for some reason it doesn't happen in certain environments - you don't sit at a toddler group talking about Britain leaving the European Union. Then when you spend your life in child focused environments it all becomes a bit samey. I also hear women bitch about other mums and wonder whether I get bitched about too. I just don't feel that way around men - I feel much less judged and more relaxed but I appreciate this is a wholly subjective experience and not all men are easy going and not all women are critical.

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud Thu 25-Feb-16 11:35:58

I love my female friends dearly and love the general pitch in and help each other out with other mums. But I love the banter and lighthearted pass taking of the men at work and my male friendships.

I felt exactly the same as you OP.

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud Thu 25-Feb-16 11:37:29

You definitely need to hunt out the females who do want to talk about the European union and politics and literature etc.. They are there.

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