To think this nurse at Marie stopes was wrong

(22 Posts)
Abbinob Wed 17-Feb-16 17:50:54

The nurse you see before you go down to the waiting room for the procedure. She was temp staff (she told me caus she could not find paper work etc)
First, she told me that it would hurt a lot if ii was 12 weeks and I should go to somewhere else and have GA as it was a "very late" abortion. I was having sedation, 12 weeks isnt classed as late and it didn't hurt at all.
The bed and screen was clearly positioned so you could not see when they did the scan. But she left the picture up and I could see it when I got off/for the rest of the consultation. She said "baby is 12 weeks" hmm
She basically came accross as if she disagreed with abortions but then wtf is she doing working in a Marie stopes clinic?
I've had a lot of regrets about the termination and I think a lot of it was to do with her attitude tbh its just been playing in my mind recently.
I had HG and couldn't look after my toddler, not that it's her business anyway.

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Feb-16 17:52:53

I think you need to make a complaint. If she doesn't want to do that job she doesn't have to, but if she's doing it she should keep her opinions to herself.

CooPie10 Wed 17-Feb-16 17:54:17

Yanbu, You should make a complaint. It seemed as though she passively passed some judgement. Surely she should be trained to handle this sensitively.

Bailey101 Wed 17-Feb-16 17:55:03

I don't know how true it is, but I've heard stories of anti-abortion protesters trying to get jobs in clinics so they can try to discourage women from using the services. How would you feel about making a formal complaint to the clinic?

I hope you're able to get some closure and move on from this - it's a very hard decision to make and you shouldn't have had to deal with this flowers

SeldomAthleticFC Wed 17-Feb-16 17:55:58

Ugh! How horrible for you. flowers
Like you say, if she doesn't support a woman's right to choose, WTF is she doing there? Unless she lied to get the job and is trying to make women change their minds...
I think you should complain.

Abbinob Wed 17-Feb-16 20:54:00

Think I will make a complaint, I think she was agency staff or something like that, didn't catch her name but I know the date so I'm sure they'll have records of who was working.
She was so rude as well, they have to tlk about co traveption etc and I said I didn't really want any, or just the pill and she just went on and on about the implant and was acting like I was stupid for not really she it so I ended up agreeing just because I felt a bit like a child being told off, stupid of me i know but she just wouldnt shut up about how careful you have to be taking the pill etc.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 17-Feb-16 21:01:15

Whether she agrees with abortions or not. It's not her business nor place to condemn or condone.
I'd say you have strong grounds for complaint
.for rudeness for letting her personal thoughts get in the way of her work.
and scaremongering. No women ever wants an abortion. They didn't want to be pregnant to begin with. flowers

Tollygunge Wed 17-Feb-16 21:07:26

I have to say when I used Marie stopes for a very traumatic late termination (baby had serious congenital defects) they were wonderful. I was in an absolutely terrible state and they treated me so kindly and tenderly, even holding me when I couldn't stop crying. I'm so sorry you've had an awful experience when they really can provide the most sensitive of care. X

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 17-Feb-16 21:09:40

Tollyflowers

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Wed 17-Feb-16 21:09:46

What a bitch. I would complain. Sorry you had to go through that flowers

Abbinob Wed 17-Feb-16 21:14:22

All the other staff were great, really kins. Just not the first nurse

LadyIsabellaWrotham Wed 17-Feb-16 21:20:33

That sounds very upsetting, and I agree you should definitely complain about her general attitude if you're feeling up to it. However I'd leave the contraception stuff - staff in an abortion clinic know better than anybody else what contraception works well in the real world and what doesn't and I think they're justified in seizing their teachable moments with both hands to minimise the number of women having to return (except where rape or TFMR is involved of course).

Best wishes and get well soon.

Lurkedforever1 Wed 17-Feb-16 21:29:30

Yanbu. Agree with pps you should complain. That attitude is awful for anyone having a termination to have to deal with but for some people could have extremely severe consequences. So you aren't just complaining for yourself, but for all the women who aren't able to for themselves.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 17-Feb-16 21:38:01

I hope you will complain as your experience falls far short of what should be expected from a Marie Stopes clinic.

Please don't allow this to give you cause for regret as your decision was unquestionably the right one for you, and for your little dc.

TooOldForGlitter Wed 17-Feb-16 21:39:41

You should definitely complain OP. That sounds horrible for you, hope you're ok.

TheCatsWhiskers Wed 17-Feb-16 21:51:35

I had a similar experience, just before I was about to be sedated a nurse asked me why I was doing it, if I had any children etc.

She obviously didn't know my reasons and it was so inappropriate. I wish I'd reported it but she made me feel so ashamed I just couldn't.

I hope you are able to do what I should have. Nobody should be making you feel like that flowers

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Wed 17-Feb-16 22:11:45

Even if it's not deliberate but just thoughtlessness, complaining might highlight issues with their use of temp staff and that additional training is required.

That sounds a horrible experience OP, it's not a decision anyone takes lightly and the medical staff should be sensitive to that

PinnieTheWoo Wed 17-Feb-16 22:13:18

What an awful experience. So sorry to hear this OP flowers

Zippidydoodah Wed 17-Feb-16 22:17:12

I can't imagine how that must have felt; it made me feel sick and I'm jyst reading it from afar. Complain, so that other ladies don't have to endure that. flowers

AHarvey09 Fri 04-Nov-16 01:16:12

Hello. I am so sorry to hear of your experience. I too have had an awful experience of the woman who did my pre-exam. She said oh this one's fiesty can you feel that. I could =( it was just awful. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I knew without a doubt I'd lose my daughter if I went ahead with the pregnancy. I was mid-breakdown and was holding on by the skin of my teeth because I was terrified for my daughter if I fell apart completely. A newborn would have been too much to manage. The hormones are just too intense. Anyway the words of that lady have haunted me since that day and the guilt cripples me to the point where sometimes I can't breathe. What I did was wrong and terrible. But I still know it was done for the right reasons. My daughter and I are still here today and I managed to get a little better eventually. I am still struggling with this guilt and I am beginning to contemplate contacting the clinic to find out who the woman was and then complain. When I broke down in tears the woman said, it's just the hormones. That's so dismissive of my emotions if she was one of these snuck in anti-abortionists. Why try and get some emotional response by telling me about my baby (which this woman also left the screen up for me to see) and then dismiss the moment she could have guided me to change my mind. It wouldn't have been that hard to be honest since I was pushed into it by my mother as I just wasn't capable of judging the decision myself at that time. I need to confront this woman and ensure she doesn't do this to anyone else! I'm curious if there is any possibility we went to the same Marie Stopes clinic? If you don't mind, what area was the clinic you attended? I sincerely hope you are feeling stronger now, I'm sure it was the best decision in a horrible situation.

AGBforever Fri 04-Nov-16 01:45:20

Aharvey09 please please find a way to let these feelings go. If it will help you to move past it then do complain. No-one takes this course without bloody good reasons (I hope). Sounds like you made the right choice for your family, have you considered NLP to address this?

BedknobsandBullhooks Fri 04-Nov-16 02:22:47

I had a horrid experience with Marie Stopes. Definitely complain, please for the sake of other women who may experience her. flowers that's absolutely awful and she shouldn't be working there.

Sincerely hope you're okay xx

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