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AIBU?

AIBU to take DC away from their father?

20 replies

Emmie321 · 13/02/2016 03:20

Changed my username.

I'll try and make this short, but I don't want to drip feed.

XH moved out last year (he had been cheating)...

DC (DS (9) and DD (7)) go to his house every other weekend.

He doesn't work and has decided to get in a new relationship (whatever, it's his life). However, this new woman is vile.

DS was playing on the Wii (the only thing the kids do there) and she went over to DS and grabbed his collar and pulled him back, she then took the controller and told XH to play with her, so he did, without saying anything.

DS began to cry (I do admit he is a sensitive little boy) and she then told him to 'shut up'.

I spoke to XH about this and his pathetic comment was "well, she's my new girl and if they don't like it, I'll give them something that they don't like" and held up a first and laughed.

I assumed it was a joke and told him to stop messing around as we are having a conversation about our children and his reply "I wasn't joking you stupid bitch" and I left with the DC.

I have no idea what to do

OP posts:

Report

Lilylonglegs · 13/02/2016 03:23

They both sound deranged. Perhaps next time you talk to him bring it up and record it on your phone and mention exactly what you mentioned here and see what he says. At least you will have proof of you have to stop contact. Has he always been this vile?

Emmie321 · 13/02/2016 03:27

Indeed, well, there was one time he was okay, until he 'got bored of me' and moved on

OP posts:

CatchAPlaneToBarcelona · 13/02/2016 04:10

He sounds utterly revolting. Why did you have children with him? I can't believe he was previously a paragon of virtue and has now suddenly turned into a feckless jobless arsehole?

I would say it's too soon for him to be introducing your children to new partners personally.

I don't usually advocate not allowing access to a child's father but he doesn't sound like a huge loss.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 13/02/2016 04:13

Can cafcas/social services advise?

I would have thought you have a very strong case for stopping contaxt. Contact should be child centred... He and his new girlfriend obviously are not.

Emmie321 · 13/02/2016 04:18

He was fine for a few years (when we had the kids)

We aren't under SS, but I think I'll have to contact them

OP posts:

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 13/02/2016 04:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 13/02/2016 04:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmie321 · 13/02/2016 04:31

OP posts:

bb888 · 13/02/2016 04:43

He sounds horrible. If he is willing to say things like that to you what is he like when you aren't there? Why is he is allowing his gf to assault your child?

BastardGoDarkly · 13/02/2016 04:48

No way, did he say that in front of the DC?

Was he alright with them before he got with his new gf?

Emmie321 · 13/02/2016 04:49

He didn't say it in front of the DC, thankfully and it seems to me that he cares more about her now... Over his DC! :(

Yeah, he was alright with them, just a bit snappy (never had much patience)

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 13/02/2016 04:53

I'd maybe stipulate then, that after that incident, you're not happy for her to be there when he has the children.

What do you think he'd say?

Ilovenannyplum · 13/02/2016 05:36

YANBU, he sounds like a twat

Don't send then to him, you keep them with you and enjoy spending time with them. He'll realise eventually what he's missed out on

HeddaGarbled · 13/02/2016 09:18

You need to write all this down with the date it happened plus any other incidents you know about or that happen in future. Include any verbal threats of violence or abusive remarks made to the children as well as actual incidents.

Then if you decide not to let them stay at his and he threatens to take you to court, which is usually the way these situations go, you will have your evidence of why you made the decision.

If the children are not deemed to be safe in his care, he would probably be expected to see them under supervision for a while until he has proved he can be trusted again. This could be under your supervision, with another relative or through a contact centre.

Where are you with the divorce process? Contact arrangements for the children will be formalised during this process and you could raise his and his girlfriend's behaviour towards the children in front of the mediator.

OhYouLuckyDuck · 13/02/2016 11:33

Bloody hell, asking the OP why she had children with him! It's not like she is responsible for the twat's pathetic behaviour. Only on Mumsnet!

LollyLauren · 13/02/2016 21:24

YANBU, he doesn't deserve them, but it won't be as easy as that :(

Good luck to you and your DC :)

Figgygal · 13/02/2016 21:27

Christ hold old are they? Sound nasty as F!!
Could you Withhold access?

maybebabybee · 13/02/2016 21:29

Why the fuck do some posters think it's remotely helpful to say "why did you have children with him"

I suppose OP should go find herself a time machine, right?

LollyLauren · 13/02/2016 21:40

If she wouldn't have had kids with him, she wouldn't have her 2 DC, so I think she's glad that she did!

SweetCheeks99 · 14/02/2016 00:10

I would find that incident to be alarming, it would put me off letting the children visit too.

do the children want to see him? or are they reluctant? if they are not keen that would ring alarm bells with me, too.

I think Hedda's advice is very good.

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