Tiger mothers - Sunday Times article - bit unimpressed

[Ackvavit]

Just read an article in the Sunday Times magazine about the original Tiger mother. I remember it all being the rage and obviously she has some valid points about aspiration etc. David Cameron has said this week everyone should. Aspire to be a tiger mother. I think most people take this in context and don't perhaps go the whole hog as we were fed originally. It's good to want our children to work hard etc. What got me in the article is that Amy Chua the "tiger mom" is actually a bit of a slob. Untidy home, can't find clean clothes, not keen on cooking, all probably meant to make her sound a bit edgy but I kind if thought is this really what David Cameron wants. Mothers who are pushy but don't do the basics like ensure there are meals made, clean clothes etc?

[AllTheMadmen]

In some respects you shouldnt have to be pushy anyway, you should try and inspire your dc to want to learn and feel confident and comfortable to do so

[BanningTheWordNaice]

I can't read the article without paying for a Times subscription so can only really base my opinion on what you've said. I'm not sure I would ever agree that tiger mothers would be best for all children - hot housing wouldn't have been good for me at all as a child.

I don't entirely see why the 'basics' should be all down to the mother though so think yabu on that front. As long, of course, as there's an agreement that a parent/carer/nanny is taking care of those aspects and they're not living in a total dump.

[BrokenVag]

I counter with this. Tiger parents can fuck off.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/04/we-need-stop-pushing-our-kids-parents

[theycallmemellojello]

Untidy home? Hang her!

[BrokenVag]

"hot housing wouldn't have been good for me at all as a child"

Which children is it good for? Brilliant, your 14 year old has done their A levels and is starting Uni. Think they have the life experience and social skills to fit in with thousands of 18-25 year olds? Dream on.

Look at these "child prodigies": generally very lonely or unable to cope with life.

I recall my university lecturer telling me he'd interviewed a potential student that at 18 had something like 12 A levels. "Why?," he asked. Student couldn't answer (and didn't get into any university that year - they were advised to go and spend a year living in the real world and try again next year).

[MissJM1]

I read her book, while I appreciate what she is about (pushing her kids to be the best ) I think she is far too harsh with them.

As for her house, I don't think that matters to be honest

[MuttonDressedAsMutton]

Well. I've got a very high achieving now grown up DC who has managed all of this despite my decidedly slatternly house and my default setting as 'sloth' mum rather than 'tiger' mum. There was always laughter and a bit of a lack of reverence and more laughter. I couldn't have been a tiger mum if you'd paid me!

[Ackvavit]

brokenvag thanks great link. I've basically removed myself from social events because it's become gladiatorial in parents outdoing each other on exam success and aspirations to do law, medicine or dentistry. Yet the kids have no social skills . I'm not posting them signing off to be controversial I am actually having an early night
I do think all this issue with mental health and the drive to look at mindfulness has been exacerbated by parents convinced they have produced ridiculously amazing offspring. For clarity, my kids are doing good, great mental health, happy , but normal. Aspirations, but realistic ones.

[Ackvavit]

^then signing off not them...clearly my mother was not a grammar tiger mom!

[Ackvavit]

theycallme she doesn't have clean clothes as the norm , sleeps in make up, reapplies, doesn't cook. That's not looking after your kids

[mincebloodypie]

Load of fucking nonsense. I'd rather have a happy, average child who can hold a normal conversation. Her kids must be terrified of her

[whattheseithakasmean]

I am actually warming to her now I know she sleeps in her slap & doesn't cook - I had assumed she would be an uptight bore, but that sound more fun. But I don't see what it has to do with her parenting...

[Atenco]

I'm a slob who is just so glad that my now adult dd is happy, healthy and is neither anti-social nor a drug addict.

[Fourormore]

I like this article: www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/12/elephant-mom-timeof-tigermother/383378/

[Ackvavit]

Point was - she harangued ordinary average parents trying to bring up decent kids with social skills all round and suggested unless you were pushing them to the extreme academically you were rubbish. What about a balanced diet of life where you do everything pretty well and frankly aren't scratting around for clean clothes. I'm done, usual mumsnet belligerents will prefer a sloppy mess and say they don't give a damn.

[mincebloodypie]

I find nothing admirable in a woman who calls her daughter "garbage", and bullies her until the child leaves teethmarks in the piano.

[mathanxiety]

I don't think Amy Chua is a very nice person and I wouldn't like my children to have her as a teacher. However, she is right about resilience -- as long as you don't make it necessary for survival in your own home.

I agree with you Washediris.

You can be a tiger mother and nice at the same time, and organised. Balanced doesn't have to mean aiming at the middle.

[mathanxiety]

If your kids are bright then high aspirations are realistic, but getting to where they can be means work, no matter how bright they are.