to be so pathetic... I guess, I know I am. someone talk some sense into me :(

(15 Posts)
BananasBananasBananas Fri 15-Jan-16 02:29:29

Feeling so glum tonight.

My ex boyfriend has met someone else, and I know it is stupid but I just feel crappy and unloved and shit.

When I met him, he had not long split up with someone and I guess I was his rebound woman. He was a bit screwed up about her, and we dated a few months before I just thought, ffs this guy isn't into me, I wasn't getting the right 'vibe' and I ended it. I was going through a heck of a lot personally at the time, lost my job etc, and he really wasn't there for me. I ended up feeling pretty shit about myself so called it a day but we stayed friends and I guess ultimately a part of me thought a few months apart he might 'see the light' and want me.

Anyway. We Stayed the best of mates, chat often, he texts me a lot during the days, hang out maybe once a week. A better friend then he was boyfriend really.

I am feeling really low at the moment, didn't like my new job, broke, struggling, been unwell with a nasty virus.

He met someone new online a few weeks ago. When he told me I was all 'oh good for you' and then I went out and snogged a friend of a friend who was always pursuing me just to feel wanted. said friend of friend seems to be giving me the blanks now :/ having been initially v enthusiastic

I just feel shit and unloved. I've been single for frigging years and it was nice to meet finally someone and now he has quickly replaced me and i feel old, shit, unlovable and on the shelf. Mid life crisis etc

I know its unreasonable and bitchy but I want him to be alone and unhappy ! I want him to miss me!!

ach I know I'm pathetic. if the rest of my life was okay. its just that feeling of losing him rally this time, like it was ever that good.. but he was ,y best friend for a year.. its just hard.. g

Archduke Fri 15-Jan-16 02:39:33

It's not stupid to feel crappy and unloved mate. We all feel like that at times. You've taken a few knocks, it's natural to be sad about that.

However, allow yourself a bit of a wallow and then dust yourself down and get out there. Take care of your health, then once your virus has buggered off and you're back on top form take a look at your life, if you're broke and hate your job, look for a new one, if you're single and hate it focus on having a blast with some mates - take the opportunity to re-frame your life, if you feel like you're in a dead end find ways to improve things.

Then you can show your ex what he's missed out on.

BananasBananasBananas Fri 15-Jan-16 02:52:04

thanks archduke

I had been having (stupidly) occasional sex with him since we 'split' up so it hasn't really felt like a real split til now. hit me harder than I expected :/

i am trying to do the paul mckenna how to mend your broken heart stuff.. !

Friendlystories Fri 15-Jan-16 02:52:34

Know it's a bit twee but my mate always says you have to go through the shit times to appreciate the good, there will be good times ahead for you even if it doesn't feel like it now. I felt a lot like you before I met DH, career was shit, had crappy relationships with men who never seemed to appreciate me even though I was fabulous obv and felt lonely and undervalued in pretty much every area of life. Everything turned round all at once for me, met someone at work who opened up a whole new avenue career-wise and that took off, then met DH and my DSC and suddenly I had a whole new life, family, everything! It can --and will--turn around for you, in the meantime the best thing you can do is focus on what you do have rather than what you don't. Whatever you have in life that makes you happy, indulge it, whether it's your friends, family, interests or just stupid stuff like being able to starfish in your bed or watch what you like on the telly, find stuff that gives you comfort and pleasure. Looking back there are things I miss about that period in my life even though I was miserable much of the time, just being able to be completely selfish and think of no one but myself I suppose, try to enjoy that while it lasts because it can all change in the blink of an eye. You're obviously a strong person and know your own value or you wouldn't have ended it with this guy because the vibe wasn't right and it sounds like it was the right thing to do, hold out for the one where everything feels right because anything else is less than you deserve flowers

OwlCurrency Fri 15-Jan-16 03:02:57

That's rotten, OP. Lots of bad things have happened to you in quick succession. You've lost the comfort of someone who it sounds like you could do without, but with awful timing. You are not pathetic for feeling lost. I understand wanting him to come back so you can prove your worth.

But that way madness lies. You have to do well for yourself in spite of him. And you will. But it's going to be incremental in tiny befor you feel better. So do indulge yourself as much as possible right now. Don't feel guilty for your feelings.

OwlCurrency Fri 15-Jan-16 03:03:39

Tiny steps

BananasBananasBananas Fri 15-Jan-16 03:05:30

,ha, i guess the I ended it was more him really.. just being so vague that I got to the point of saying are we doing this or what and the answer was not what I needed so I was backed into a corner :/

to be honest, I don't have much good in my life.. i live in a flatshare now, with people I dont really know/ barely communicavte with., I was a single parent for years after being abandoned when pregnant & my daughters grown up & off doing her own thing. i have a couple of good friends but no family . i am achingly lonely and feel old, shitty, overweight and ugly

BananasBananasBananas Fri 15-Jan-16 03:07:06

thanks Owl

I think I probably should avoid contact with him for a bit, but that hurts too. Hard to know what to do sad

OwlCurrency Fri 15-Jan-16 03:27:16

Yeah, I get it. It's sort of soul destroying having that kind of relationship, even where you were the one to end it.

It's difficult to hold on to saying that actually you have been the brave one, when it makes you feel so miserable. But you are doing the right thing. It's January and freezing. It is a bleak time of year on top of everything. It's making lots of people down. You aren't alone in the way you are feeling.

OwlCurrency Fri 15-Jan-16 03:29:04

I hate all that it will get better stuff, because it's no good what future you is going to feel like to you now. But don't feel pathetic for your feelings. It's human to feel down, especially in your circumstances. Don't blame yourself.

BananasBananasBananas Fri 15-Jan-16 03:54:33

thanks owl x

TheHouseOnTheLane Fri 15-Jan-16 07:42:27

Bless you OP I don't blame you for feeling bad...you're having a hard time with virus, shit job that you hate and flatshare....but the best way to make yourself feel better is to set goals that are designed only to improve your life.

Screw everyone else! If you'd rather a place to yourself, work towards that...anything is possible!

BananasBananasBananas Fri 15-Jan-16 11:37:44

inthink a place to myself is unlikely in the near future.. live in london and rents are just astronomical, i am not sure I made a good choice where I am staying though sad

OwlCurrency Fri 15-Jan-16 17:52:14

What's wrong with where you are?

Maisy313 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:47:23

Sounds tough, but actually you sound like you are really strong and doing really well. It doesn't sound like he's been that clear / fair on you and making yourself unavailable to him might make you feel more confident because you are then calling the shots. What are your flat mates like? Potential as friends or not on the same page?

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