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AIBU?

Should I feel guilty?

18 replies

jamesdeandaydream · 13/12/2015 17:55

My ex and father of 1 year old dd doesn't have his own place so when he sees dd at the weekend and I occasionally have a night out, he stays over and looks after her at mine.

Last night I went out and had a few too many resulting in me sleeping with an ex friend with benefits and I stayed over and returned this morning.

My friend can't believe that I'd do this because it's clearly hurtful for my ex. But what can I do if he doesn't have his own place? I feel bad now and I'm not sure whether I should or not. She's kind of ruined my happy little buzz I had.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

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pinkyredrose · 13/12/2015 17:58

Went would it be hurtful for him, you've split up haven't you? It's your life, it's up to you who you shag.

pinkyredrose · 13/12/2015 17:59

Why not went

TwoSmellyDogs · 13/12/2015 18:01

When she says it's 'clearly hurtful to your ex' - ummm - how does she know this? Has he said so? Are they confidantes? Or is she just shit stirring?

PerspicaciaTick · 13/12/2015 18:03

As he was looking after your DD in your home and presumably expecting you back that evening, did you let him know your plans had changed? Just because I would be getting very worried about anyone (friend, partner, relative, other) who failed to turn up when expected.

But YANBU to expect your Ex to be able to deal with you having new relationships, no matter how short term.

jamesdeandaydream · 13/12/2015 18:08

I think she's just trying to make me feel bad and it's certainly worked! I don't think it's anything to do with him what I do. I agree it's a shit situation that he doesn't have his own place so has to see me going out etc but what else can I do? This is the first time I've slept with anyone else since we broke up almost a year ago and I bloody enjoyed myself! I think he guessed what had happened from a couple of comments he made but he didn't seem angry. It's always upsetting to know your ex has moved on but it's just one of those things surely?

OP posts:

CremeEggThief · 13/12/2015 18:10

YANBU. If you'd brought him home, she might have a point.

jamesdeandaydream · 13/12/2015 18:10

Yeah I text him saying I'd be back in the morning but didn't tell him why or where I was. He was asleep so saw it this morning. If it was the other way around it would be difficult but I'd have to accept it and let him get on with his life!

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Enjolrass · 13/12/2015 18:11

It's awkward, I suppose.

How you feel if it was the other way round? You were expecting him at yours and he turned up the next day, having slept with someone else.

It really depends o. The dynamic between the two of you.

I don't think Yabu, personally.

CarbonEmittingPenguin · 13/12/2015 18:15

What does she want you to do? Get a chastity belt for the rest of your life.

Of course YANBU. It's your life. The key word in your OP is "ex."

PerspicaciaTick · 13/12/2015 18:19

In that case it sounds like your friend is having a bigger problem dealing with it than you and your Ex, who seem to have handled it well.

jamesdeandaydream · 13/12/2015 18:30

The dynamic between us is strange really. To be honest we don't really get along but we are civil for dd's sake. He went out last week and wanted me to be proud of him for the fact that he refrained from going to a strip club but I didn't take any notice. I would never intentionally hurt him but I'm not going to stop going out and enjoying myself because of him. I'm only 25!

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KitKat1985 · 13/12/2015 18:58

I don't think you've done anything wrong but the situation is a bit odd. Is your ex likely to get his own place soon?

jamesdeandaydream · 13/12/2015 19:11

No he shares a house with 3 of his work friends and has just signed a new lease for a year so it doesn't look like things will change any time soon. I wish he would because it would be better for everyone. He still treats my house like it's his own and I hate it.

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ThatsNiceDear · 13/12/2015 19:15

She's being ridiculous. You're entitled to shag whoever you want, it's none of his business. To not shag someone because of how your EX would feel about it would be weird as fuck, and pointless. You're not some object he still has part ownership of. It's none of Ms Buzzkill's business either, what a knob!

jamesdeandaydream · 13/12/2015 21:54

Haha I love your post ThatsNiceDear - sums it up pretty well!

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RubbleBubble00 · 13/12/2015 22:15

As long as your ex has his own room in shared house - why can't she stay there overnight

Balaboosta · 14/12/2015 07:04

Yanbu. Your ex and you hav made your relationship stable. He took it in his stride. DD spent time with her dad. You got some skin-to-skin. All good and as it should be. Make sure it happens like this again next time he stays over. And the time after that. He'll soon get the message about why he needs his own place!

19lottie82 · 14/12/2015 10:14

Rubblebubble00 I lived in shared flats until I was 28 and most of them wouldn't have been suitable for a child to stay in at the weekends. Friday to Sunday was party time!

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