DP and I are very happy together, completely in love, and apart from this small issue everything is going great.
It was a workplace romance (I know, it's not really sensible, but it happened and we're happy so there you go), although I've moved onto another job now, but still keep in regular contact with a few colleagues who became close friends.
Before DP and I were together, he had a FWB relationship with another colleague. We were close friends at the time and she confided in me about it, although it was understandably kept quiet from everyone else. It didn't last very long (mutual decision) and a few months after it ended she moved on to another job. Before she left but after it ended, a lot of people found out about them (I'm not sure how but from the jokes she was telling, I suspect she may have told people straight). They still saw each other, but only meeting up in a friendly way, rather than anything sexual or romantic. It was generally agreed though among the gossips at work that she had feelings for him, that they would have made a good couple, and it was a shame that they didn't end up together. She always denied having any feelings for him.
After she left, DP and I started our relationship. I understand I may get flamed for starting something with a colleague who had already had a sort-of relationship at work, but we are both happy.
Thing is, now if we get together for social stuff and us three are there, she does everything she can to remind everyone that she has a past with him. I'm deliberately excluded from their conversations as she constantly brings up in-jokes, or graphically describes what happened between them.
I understand he's her friend, and I suspect she feels I may have 'stolen' him from her, but at the same time, we're all adults and it's starts to grind on me. I've started to get very jealous, and avoid going to anything if I know she's there - unfortunately, I then get reports from other friends or colleagues who tell me about "oh, it was awful, she was saying so-and-so, she obviously still really likes him" etc. I've asked them to stop reporting back to me as it's just stirring, and DP is careful not to join in with the more sexual jokes etc., as he now realises a lot of other people there construed it as flirting (honestly, I know this isn't likely to be believed on MN, but his sense of humour is quite sexual so what seems like flirting to outsiders is genuinely just him having a laugh)
What can I do? Carry on avoiding her? DP is aware of how it's making me feel and is now making a point of not encouraging her in any way if she mentions their past, but they were (and still are) good friends, and I don't want to destroy their friendship out of jealousy. I hate the situation, it makes me feel like we're all back in school, it's so ridiculous.
AIBU?
AIBU to feel jealou? What can I do?
JealousNC · 03/09/2015 11:48
I'd be tempted to respond in this kind of way
Her: Ooh, remember that time we got a bottle of wine and shagged like Durable bunnies that had just had fresh batteries inserted into them, that was great, wasn't it?
Me: That reminds me of the time my ex and I had sex. Of course it was aaaaages ago and not relevant at all anymore but seeing as the topic is 'ancient history' I thought my anecdote fit right in very nicely.
That or be direct
'You keep mentioning things that happened when you were with my partner. Sounds like you're not quite over him. That must be hard for you. We'll all completely understand if you choose to avoid social situations where your ex, who you're clearly not over, will be in attendance with his actual partner. It's just that, you know, we're starting to worry that you're getting so territorial that you're eventually going to just end up peeing on him. And nobody wants that 
'
It's just that, you know, we're starting to worry that you're getting so territorial that you're eventually going to just end up peeing on him. And nobody wants that
brilliant!
Or when she does it, in company, just clear your throat and say loudly oh dear, sad sack has had a bit too much to drink, sorry everyone she's not normally like this and shame her into shutting her fucking gob 
I can't help but read this with a 
face
I don't think much of your DP tbh. Getting off with someone at work and calling it a friends with benefits thing when really he didn't want a relationship and she was keen on him.
How nice for him to get two lovely women chasing him (and she is lovely, remember you two used to be friends)
Maybe she's trying to tell you he's a bit of a shit. Maybe not.
Cherryblossoms Thank you, I think you've summed it up entirely. I'm not even sure I can call it jealousy when she's there, more just annoyed and frustrated.
At one point I was jealous, and one evening when he was supposed to be coming to mine (before we lived together) and didn't turn up and wasn't answering his calls, I became convinced they must be in bed together. Turns out he'd just had an impromptu nap I was honest with what I thought was happening, and thankfully he was great about it, put my mind at ease and that's when he stopped encouraging her comments. So I'm not sure it really is jealousy anymore. But you're right, it doesn't matter because the point is he's with me.
She wasn't too bad last night, a few slag jokes but that's standard from her. We were also joking around about another guy there and ribbing him about "flirting" with another colleague (all in jest), when she made a comment about how it's terrible when your colleagues steal your ex, but it was definitely jokey and so didn't feel so bad.
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