To be down about 3 yo behaviour

[purpleteapig]

My son has just turned 3 and has become increasingly badly behaved, and it's really getting me down. Primarily it's at nursery or when we're out/at friends houses etc, which the nursery teacher informed me was unusual as kids normally reserve their worst behaviour for when they're at home.

It's constant disobedience when we're with other people: he won't listen to instruction; will go/do where/what he's told not to. At nursery I'm told he misbehaves and then no matter how they try and deal with it, he just doesn't care and therefore the punishment is ineffectual and he'll be doing something else naughty within seconds. They're going to devise a chart to see how best to deal with him, as at the mo they don't know what is effective.

At friends houses or when we go out with others, it feels like he runs amok and returning from one of these outings I feel frazzled. I also have a 6 month old and when on my own without dh am limited physically with getting to him when he's doing something he shouldn't (and he knows it).

At home, he's by no means an angel, but generally is sweet, helpful and on the whole nice company. Why is he so awful when we're out??

[lucidlady]

My 3 yo is the same and I have no idea what to do either...hopefully somebody else does!

[Booboostwo]

Could this be more about the new baby? Is your 3yo feeling a bit jealous when you 'abandon' him at the nursery but keep the baby with you?

Has anything happened at the nursery to upset him? I'd be a bit concerned about the nursery's inability to deal with this. I would imagine that as professionals they see all sorts of different behaviours and have strategies for dealing with them. Is punishment the wrong approach here? Maybe he would respond better to encouragement, rewards,etc.

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

Dd was like this. It was a combo of being resentful I left her at nursery and then being so over excited and showing off when out as that was what got my attention.

I went for positive praise rather than telling off for every little tiny thing.

Well done for holding my hand, good girl for using words instead of shouting, that sort of thing.

It helped a lot.

[Iggly]

Hows his hearing?

[purpleteapig]

I don't think it's a jealousy thing with the baby and being abandoned, as he loves nursery and can't wait to get in the door. Also we tried v hard to ensure he didn't feel pushed out and give him lots of 121 attention. I'm surprised that nursery don't know how to deal with him either - I would have thought they'd seen it all by now. One issue there is they don't do time outs, which work well at home.

When we're out, he's normally fine if just us, but if we go out with others he really plays up and generally is a bad influence on other kids that we're with.

[purpleteapig]

Pickle - I do try positive praise but will make an effort to do more of it.

Iggly - I think hearing is fine apart from being selective! But maybe I should get it checked just to rule it out.

I'm sleep deprived due to the baby's poor sleeping so am not as patient as I should be; it just feels quite demoralising at the moment as I'm on eggshells when we're out with people.