To expect a little more?

(10 Posts)
98percentchocolate Sun 21-Jun-15 11:43:26

Pissed off but not sure if IABU.
Tomorrow is my birthday and DP has to work all day so we agreed to do something today for it.

He has arranged nothing at all and when I asked this morning what he fancied doing he said "whatever you want as long as it is free as we are broke (we are)". He then announced that he needed to go to the supermarket, get diesel, etc. Once all of that is done, including lunches, talking to dads for Father's Day, getting ready etc. everything will be closed or just about to close for the day.

When it became apparent that nothing had been arranged or was going to be, I decided to arrange for us to go out for dinner tomorrow night and pay with my clubcard vouchers. Arranged a babysitter, Etc. He just grunted at me and was very unenthusiastic about it.

I know I shouldn't care as a birthday is just a day, but his birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I arranged loads for us to do all day and gave him loads of options (including stay at home) so that he could choose what he wanted. He was really grateful and said how lovely it was that I'd put so much thought into it.

Aibu to just want a little more thought? I'm not asking for an action packed day, just something more than this. I am currently cleaning the house whilst they are at the supermarket. Even watching a film together would be nice. Instead I'm on my own for at least the next hour.

MummyKWP Sun 21-Jun-15 12:21:07

YANBU. He should have made an effort - even something small. He could have suggested going for coffee & cake somewhere. I'm in a similar position every birthday. I make a huge effort for his, but he seems to barely notice mine. Sometimes it's down to the way their own family celebrated (or didn't celebrate) birthdays. It's very disappointing & hurtful though.
I don't know what to suggest - let him know you feel a bit disappointed & you're hoping for an improvement next year!
Happy birthday by the way! Hope it improves!smile

AuntyMag10 Sun 21-Jun-15 12:23:52

Yanbu it's really not difficult at all to plan something so he was just being inconsiderate. As you said a movie would have been nice and simple but he didn't think of it. I would be upset too, but that's because we do make a big deal of birthdays here.

Kampeki Sun 21-Jun-15 12:25:09

Personally, I would hate someone to arrange loads of stuff on my birthday unless I had specifically asked them to arrange something. Perhaps you need to be a bit clearer with him next time about what you'd like him to do?

CrystalHaze Sun 21-Jun-15 12:27:43

To my mind, YABU as a birthday is just a day.

And I'd bloody love to be alone in the house for an hour - bliss!

I don't understand birthday fuss, to be honest - I have friends and in-laws who have a 'birthday week'! confused

CalleighDoodle Sun 21-Jun-15 12:28:03

My ex husband was like this. No thought at all put in to my bdays, our anniversary, valentines day. Always blamed never having any money. Never tried to get a better job as he liked his job. It was my job to provide and have all those stresses.

It boiled down to him never thinking about me. Thats how he explained it.

Take charge of your birthday and do everything that makes you happy!

Kampeki Sun 21-Jun-15 12:29:38

I don't understand birthday fuss, to be honest - I have friends and in-laws who have a 'birthday week'!

Yes, I know people like this, too. confused

Slimmerforsummer Sun 21-Jun-15 12:34:30

Gosh you could be me!
My birthday tomorrow, dps birthday 2 weeks ago. I know he hasn't even got a gift ( we do practical gifts as money pretty tight here too - so things we need but maybe slightly nicer version than we buy usually)

Much sympathy from me!

ScorpioMermaid Sun 21-Jun-15 12:36:04

My DH did something similar on my 30th birthday last year. he had booked the day off then told me he had to work anyway (it was a colleagues mums birthday aswell and he swapped shift with her) it was a late shift with him finishing at 9.30pm. I thought he had just said he was working to throw me off and was going to surprise me on the day. no. he went to work. We did nothing for my birthday at all. Not even in the day before he went. I spent my 30th in bed alone watching shit tv, crying. sad (I was about 4 weeks pregnant aswell which I didn't realise at the time so might explain my tears etc but I was really upset)

so no, YANBU.

ScorpioMermaid Sun 21-Jun-15 12:37:36

Oh and happy birthday for tomorrow thanks

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