To not want to make plans for the weekend(13 Posts)
Ok so a bit o a whiny moan here but I can't help it. I'm just fed up of everyone trying to organise my life at weekends. I work and run around after kids all week, our life is one big schedule. So why when people ask what I'm doing at the weekend and I say nothing, do they want to organise me to join in with their plans. I realise they are being kind but sometimes it's like they are horrified that I have no plans. Or if I turn down an invitation or say I don't want to take the kids to meet everyone at an event then they say oh we can take them, which is kind, but then I feel guilty so I go anyhow or feel I have to make an excuse. Sometimes I don't want to plan, sometimes I like being at home pottering around doing nothing or maybe just taking it as it comes. Is that so wrong?
I am exactly the same as you. I hate a weekend where I am yet again ferrying the kids about. Some weekends I just want to do nothing.
I have now learned that it's all in the phrasing when telling people.
So instead of "we have no plans", I say " I am really looking forward to the weekend, we have nothing booked in, and we are weary after our busy week, so its a lovely weekend of chilling for us, alongside homework, ironing and just generally catching up with ourselves." Or something along those lines.
To be fair though, it is lovely that people care enough about you that they want to involve you in their plans, not everyone has the same paced life as you so may not understand how you feel. As a lone parent I think people feel sorry for me and just want to be kind. They may not realise that I actually enjoy a weekend to do what I want, when I want. rather than having to be at x place at x time. Or that I never feel lonely due to work, kids and all the work it involves. Try phrasing it differently to see if it helps.
I know were you're coming from. I currently don't work but I have an extremely demanding 4 year old at home with me during the week plus have to ferry my two other children to two separate schools and my dh works a mixture or early/late/night shifts so during the week everything is on me and come the weekend I'm exhausted and don't want to do much. However my ds has his swimming lesson at 9am Saturday morning (only lesson they had available after being in the wait list for a year!) and my eldest has football training at 9.30am Sunday morning and as its 3 miles away either me or dh have to be up early to take him so we never get a lie in or a minute lol.
I think you are correct I need to phrase my responses better, so that people get it. I guess what irritates me most is when others start making plans to involve my DCs without consulting me first and so I get dragged along regardless.
YANBU. I live having nothing particular planned for the weekend.
I work full time and have the rush of the nursery run as well plus the usual stuff that needs doing so I quite like to have time to do not a lot.
Some of my colleagues/friends , though, seem to have elaborate plans every weekend, often involving a lot of travelling. Wouldn't suit me, but each to their own
YANBU where do you think my User Name came from
I don't have anyone offering to take our 5DC out.But as soon as the school holidays come round I get inundated with people asking me what were doing,some would even like a day by day itinerary.
I blame sodding FB,like just about all my friends I'll post what we've done and might stick a few pictures on.My friends post where they're going,I don't I post where we've been once we've got back.
I swear everyone I knows must think I have the most exciting life possible,I get how did you find out about that place.Are you going to go again soon,could we meet you there,any chance we could come.
I wouldn't mind normally,but as soon as any school holidays come round(even just a long weekend)I get asked constantly what I'm doing,what they could do with they're friends or family's,if they can meet us or come with us.I not only get to organize my own family I get to organize loads of other family's as well.
I love having days where we just potter around,I never used to,was never much of a homebody.But the last few years,I've found that it's done the kids and DH good to not always be busy.
This is one of the reasons I like shift work. We don't get a lot of days off together (they have to be planned in military fashion), but when we do its normally midweek, which means noone trying to plan for us or get us involved.
your answer ' oh I'm doing nothing' means that your free and are open to ideas.
so you need to rephrase say your having a relaxed weekend etc.
if I was to ask a friend if she was busy and she said oh I've no plans then I ask her does she want to do stuff with me and she will say yes
I just get caught off guard sometimes. If someone asks me on a Monday at school pick up about plan for the following weekend, then I'm just not prepared. Then before I know it apparently someones DD has said she really wants to go to xyz at the weekend and apparently my DD has said she really wants to go and they've got it all organised and I'm going too but I'm the last to know. Trouble is they just put you on the spot in front of the kids and I find it hard to say no. I need to get better at this. Don't get me wrong I'm pretty organised but just so busy and sometimes I just don't want to have to answer to anyone else about where my family are going and what we are doing. We all work hard in the week and I know that both DH and my DDs also quite like some down time at home after a busy week.
Completely know what you mean- agree it's in phrasing. I often say "ooh we're having a barbecue and movie night" or similar, which translates as day in the garden, slobbing out evening
Yes, it's all in how you put it. Tell them you're having some family time instead, or chilling out. Other suggestions would be always making every other weekend a no-events weekend, so that even if you have a busy weekend you know the next one will be quiet. Or make one day in each weekend a quiet one.
My DH is like you and doesn't always like to have plans.
I do like to make plans. I like to give the day a sort of shape before it happens.
This two personality types don't always fit together well!
We rarely have a completely free weekends anyhow as both DDs have classes on a Saturday morning and swimming. I don't mind having loose plans but sometimes I want them to be MY plans to amend or change, take or leave as I please.
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