To use the communal garden?

[SisterSage]

Because the people in the ground floor flats definitely think I am... We live on the first floor. DS is 10 months and just starting to love crawling about in the grass. I try mostly to take him to the park that's a few minutes walk away but sometimes that is just too much faff for the time available. I don't hover outside their patios, don't stare in their windows, keep time spent and noise to a minimum, but am still getting evil looks, pointedly slammed windows and curtains and now previously friendly downstairs neighbour has started blanking me. To be fair, none of the other upstairs flats seem to use it, but it's supposed to be communal ffs! Am I BVU and breaking some massive unwritten rule of flat-dwelling etiquette?

[Mintyy]

No, yanbu, your neighbour is bu.

[FenellaFellorick]

not at all.

Might be a good idea to talk to the management company and ask them to send a letter out to all flats reminding them that the outdoor space is for all residents to enjoy.

[TedAndLola]

YANBU. I can understand why they don't like it - I would be the same - but that's why I don't live somewhere with a communal garden!

[SisterSage]

Exactly Ted - I am sympathetic to them feeling like it's 'their' space, hence trying not I overuse it, but the fact is it isn't, which they must have known when they bought it!

[TedAndLola]

You're being very considerate - more than a lot of people would. Do try not to let them make you feel uncomfortable, this is a problem of their own making!

[FuckyNell]

Buy a sandpit and a water table!

[peltata]

Is it obvious it is a communal garden? Just in case both you and your neighbours think they are both in the right.

[SisterSage]

peltata it definitely is- it's in the deeds that it's communal. And fairly obvious I think- steps lead down from the carpark, it's not like you have to go into a gate or something, plus four different flats have patio doors onto it so it's definitely at the very least communal between them!

[peltata]

In that case YANBU . The other people may have had a bad experience in the past and so your presence there triggers their memory and reaction to you being there - or they could be selfish and trying to keep it for themselves, you'll have to be the judge on that one.

[x2boys]

I used to live in a downstairs flat with communal gardens I did close my curtains but only because my boys made a godawful mess and my living room faced directly onto the garden and were always in and out of the patio doors I had no issues with other residents using the garden I just didn't want them judging me on the mess

[x2boys]

And the gardens were always filled with my boys paddling pools etc you have every right tonus it.

[x2boys]

Use it!

[maninawomansworld]

Check your rental agreement / deeds, check with the management company as to the exact status of the garden.
If (as it most likely is) it is a communal garden for everyone then report the problems to the management company and get them to drop everyone a 'friendly' reminder letter that the garden is for everyone to enjoy.

Of you could just photocopy the appropriate passage in the rental agreement / deeds yourself and drop a 'helpful' copy through everyone's letterboxes yourself (they don't need to know who it's from if you don't want).

[notaplasticgnome]

I agree with getting the Management Co to send out a polite reminder.

Are the residents perhaps renting and weren't made aware by their landlords that the garden is shared by all the flats?

[Password1986]

If you can use the park which is just a few minutes away - why not use it? You are most likely constantly in your neighbours' 'face', that's why they don't like it. Your neighbours should be able to enjoy a view of the communal garden and not watch you occupying this shared space all the time. We have the same problem in our neighbourhood with some people literally taking over the communal garden and even setting up tents there. Most people want to see trees and plants rather than their neighbour every time they look out the window. Why not to use the nearby park instead? The child would also benefit more being in a real park. It's lazy and selfish.

[alittleprivacy]

@Password1986 It's lazy and selfish.

Umm no. It's the OP's garden too. What you are suggesting is that she pays for a garden but never uses it because the people who have not paid for their own garden want sole use. So essentially you want the OP to pay for a garden for someone else's use and stay away herself or she is selfish. Cop on!!!!

[AriadnesFilament]

If it’s definitely communal and you haven’t taken up permanent residence in it, aren’t putting massive bits of ugly furniture or ornaments in it, and aren’t standing pressed against their windows waving enthusiastically at them and yelling “HI SANDRA, THAT’S A NICE TEATOWEL YOU’RE USING, IS THAT A NEW TOP?” at the top of your voice then crack on.

Some sort of reminder to all flats that it’s communal though might be useful.