fed up with feeling like I'm always the default parent....

[LeftOftheRight]

I am the main wage earner in our house, I am a research consultant and also completing a full time phd. Because I can be flexible in my hours it just always is assumed I'll pick up all slack. Dh has on and off contract work with family business. Its just assumed by him and by all his family that he can work whenever amd I'll sort children, childcare etc. What this results in is me always compromising my work and then working late into the evenings and weekends to catch up. Just fed up with it being this constant assumption and not being a consultation about what we do when. Feel I am supposed to play sahm alongside full time working mum - frankly its exhausting. We do have childcare three days a week, so it means me not working the other two days and juggling these into evenings, weekends etc. I normally get less than a few days warning and now don't even bother planning meetings these days but have them as work at home, knowing there is a good chance I'll lose them. If I raise it I'm accused of thinking my job is more important, which when it is our only steady income, I kinda think it is!! Aibu??

[DisappointedOne]

Similar here. DH arranges whatever he likes without consultation assuming that I'll be around for DD. Eg tonight he wants to go out despite knowing that I have an online tutorial at DD's bedtime and having been out ALL weekend without us. I've decided the only way to tackle it is to play him at his own game. So tonight I'm going elsewhere to do my tutorial, and I'm going away on a weekend that he has something planned.

[LokiBear]

Also similar here. YANBU. No advice, but you are not alone. I feel the same when it comes to discipline too. It's almost like dh ignores bad behaviour because I'm expected to do the telling off. Grrr.

[gamerchick]

Time for a come to Jesus meeting.
Me and the husband do the childcare at set times if he has to work when I do then he sorts out childcare and these are his step kids.

Just stop and be firm.

[TwoOddSocks]

YANBU. If there are two days where you don't have childcare then I'd set aside one of them as "work at home" and arrange meetings for the other. If something comes up with one of the kids on the day you're not working at home DH will have to cancel his meetings.

[LeftOftheRight]

Thanks, glad I'm not the only one.

[Kiwiinkits]

Just play him at his own game. Darling, I'm off to the library at 6 to do my tutorial. See you about 10. Byeee.

I've had to start doing that. He's taken it well; it's speaking his language, if you see what I mean? Ask forgiveness, not permission. It's my new motto.

[umbongoumbongo]

This caused a lot of problems with my ex. We didn't have kids but I work part time out of the house and then work for myself at home the rest of the time. Hence the assumption that I was at home so should do all the housework as his business was 'more important'. I left in the end. Like others have said play him at his own game and organise things and don't rearrange them around him.