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AIBU?

me or fil? its got weddings, elf and safety and a table. Oh and its FIL just so you know.

20 replies

ditavonteesed · 02/04/2015 07:20

So based on this one event only who is BU?
At Sil wedding about 4 years ago, dd1 was 7. We were all staying in a very posh hotel for a few nights which Sil stays at often. Lovely wedding, lovely hotel, no complaints.
Dd1 bumped into a table in the reception area and the marble top fell off and landed on her foot. She was in a lot of pain and we thought it might be broken,, swelled up instantly and went black. friend of il's is a doctor and got dd some ice and paracetamol and the swelling went down quite quickly. Fil shouted at dd for touching things she shouldnt have (she bumped into the table, she has dyspraxia and bumps into things alot). I was annoyed at the time with fil for shouting at dd and with the hotel for having a marble top on a table that was not fastened down.
So at pil this week and it got brought up again with fil saying it was dd's fault, I said that no way was it dd's fault and I would have been very mad with the hotel had she injured herself. Fil said did I expect everything to be nailed down to prevent childern from hurting themselves and suggested that children should learn not to touch/be near things which are not safe (a table well known for its danger to children).
So who is BU?

OP posts:

Report

Ginmartini · 02/04/2015 07:22

Humansatnav · 02/04/2015 07:23

Your daughter has dyspraxia, your fil is being an arse. I cover some H&S in work and we would never use a table with an unsecured top.

ItsADinosaur · 02/04/2015 07:24

I'd be saying to him it was 4 fucking years ago so why is he still going on about it.

HoppityVoosh · 02/04/2015 07:24

FIL obviously. How was your DD meant to know a table wasn't safe. It's a table, they normally come in one piece!

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 02/04/2015 07:25

Short and simple. Your fil is wrong. You both need to drop it.

ditavonteesed · 02/04/2015 07:26

In his defense I think it was dd that brought it up and the conversation did not last as in we agreed to disagree as didn't want an argument.

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/04/2015 07:28

How come he brought it up, were you all reminiscing about the wedding?

It was an accident, not dd's fault and the hotel should have removed the tsble once it became apparent it could cause an injury if disturbed.

capsium · 02/04/2015 07:28

Nasty. Ignore. Is he saying this for a reaction, or what? Is he unhappy about something? Ill? Don't rise to it. I would feel embarrassed for him - such awful behaviour.

SanityClause · 02/04/2015 07:28

FIL is doubly unreasonable.

Firstly for blaming your DD for a poorly made table falling apart, and secondly for dragging it up four years later.

Wanker!

SanityClause · 02/04/2015 07:29

Oh, sorry x posted. It was your DD who brought it up. Still, no need to go on about it.

EdithWeston · 02/04/2015 07:30

Both

The force required to move a heavy marble top can be considerable.

The hotel should be basically safe, so furniture should not come apart. As it's in a high traffic area of the hotel, it won't have been rickety.

Your DD1 shouldn't be moving round with such momentum that she causes something that heavy to fall.

Presumably, if she cannot help cannoning into things in public places, you have a long trail of broken items you've had to replace? Is your shock this time the realisation that some of them bite back?

Is she getting any form of physical therapy? If not, I hope this evidence that it is now do severe she is injuring herself helps you secure it.

SanityClause · 02/04/2015 07:32

Adults might also have bumped into the table, or leant on it. It sounds like it was unsafe, full stop.

However, as you and FIL have agreed to disagree, you should probably just let it go.

ditavonteesed · 02/04/2015 07:37

it is definatly dropped, just got me wondering. I had a lovely stay with them and didnt want to have a discussion about things that we didnt agree on.
DD does have an occupational therapist Edith, she rarely breaks anything, not more often than any other child, she just walks into things a lot.

OP posts:

Icimoi · 02/04/2015 07:39

EdithWeston, OP's DD wouldn't necessarily have had to exert a lot of force. Given its position, it might well have been destabilised already by other people bumping against it.

Golightly133 · 02/04/2015 07:44

I have a partially sighted friend who has been known to walk in to things In unfamiliar places - surely it's the hotels responsibility to ensure that this table was safe ?

londonrach · 02/04/2015 07:44

Id be taking it up with the hotel. No way should a simple bump knock a marble top off. It could have been alot worse than that for your dd. the hotel has failed in its duty with the marble. A little boy was killed in Bicester village when a mirror fell on him in a shop. I cant imagine how his parents felt and quite rightly health and safety thrown the book at the shop. Doesnt bring the little boy back but maybe stop another child being hurt. Yes complain to the hotel and ignore fil.

shewept · 02/04/2015 07:45

He is bu , because of your dds dyspraxia. However as you say it didn't last. You agreed to disagree. So that's it really. He has his pov you have yours. You are unlikely to change it.

FishWithABicycle · 02/04/2015 07:47

It was 4 years ago and everyone should get a grip. It's not worth holding a grievance over.

However, an accident involving any 4 year old is never the 4 year old's fault, they are too little to take responsibility. For example, you are always teaching a 4 year old road safety when out walking in a town, but you still hold their hand crossing the road and if they did run into the road it would be the adult failing to do that who would be to blame, not the child - even if you also yelled at the child not to do something so stupid (as a lesson for the future) it is still the grownup at fault. The hotel was stupid to have something like that unsecured and they bear the majority of the blame - if it could be knocked off with a bump from a 4yo it could equally have been knocked off by a myriad of other incidents not involving a child and not involving any running about,but just leaning on it at the wrong angle - and could have hurt anyone standing nearby. If there were written signs on the table warning that it was unsecure, the supervising grownups bear more responsibility than if there weren't.

honeyroar · 02/04/2015 10:13

I bet that the hotel fixed the tabletop down afterwards...

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/04/2015 10:16

Hotel's fault, FiL being a bit of a twat about it.

Everyone needs to move on though.

Flip

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