This week DF was admitted through A+E to hosp.He has been battling advanced cancer and had a bad bleed and low white blood cells from chemo.He was put in isolation and put on a drip.mum rang me and my other siblings we all rallied round and took things he needed as she cant drive.He told me 2nd line chemo isnt working which i suspected but is hard news for him.
My dsis who isnt in contact but loves DF didnt know this.She lives by me so i text her about df.When she asked if he had chemo this week i said no.He may get radiotherapy.She rang and we discussed our fears regarding aggressive cancer and the sadness for Df.I said call DF yourself which she did.
I told her not the say anything to our adopted sis.SHe is 20 yrs younger and did
nt want to know much.GUESS WHAT SHE DID !!
I pop round to offer to buy bread and milk for DF and DM when DF understandably starts shouting at me for for googling info and how he isnt at the end of his life and everyone is different look at DM still battling on yrs later.
I polite let him hve his say only to get a phone call off DM later ranting again about how they will tell ppl.I point out they never tell dsis anything to which DM agrees.(they both are stubborn and hardly keep in touch )
Usually i am not in touch with my siblings too much and seriously know why.
I cant tell either dsis anything for fear it can be repeated(i would never tell DF anything i have read or seen about prognosis) and think they should tell dsis like they told the rest of us the other 4 than let me be dragged into an awqkward situation as she would be gutted if DF passed away.
I have vowed to keep away from my disis though dm wants us to keep in touch when they do pass away...so very upset :(
AIBU?
To tell sis our Dad is very ill
whatisforteamum · 29/03/2015 12:49
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So sorry you are going through this, made all the harder by family rules around who can and cannot be told and when, especially as it looks like your adopted sister is being kept in the dark. Been there before with family and similar issue still dealing with the fall out three years later 
This does not bode well for trust in relationships between sisters and for future keeping in touch.
Hope it can be worked out for you, 
Yes, I see your frustration.
I think your DF, like everyone else, is entitled to privacy about medical issues and you should not be passing on information to others without his consent (even when you disagree about who should be included).
as this must be a difficult time for you, especially as family dynamics are making it worse.
whatisforteamum, reading your posts, they are full of what your parents and sisters want - what do YOU want? What level of contact do you want to have with each of them, and how close to that are you?
You sound as if you are the family peacekeeper, which is an exhausting role to play .
Because she realizes too late that she couldve come to my dcs sports days and knows that she went to dbs kids and dsis 2 kids events for the last 15 yrs and has idealized the situation as my dsis 1 messaged her that she was so sorry to be such dissapointment all her life and she only rang after DF and not for any inheritance and that she loves them.
DM and dsis are too alike....hotheaded
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