grandparents seem clingy?

[TeddysMummyPanda]

So new to this. Had first unexpected baby 3 days ago and the grandparents have been amazing getting everything we need. Me and the daddy were looking at moving in May but now we've had baby we have to stay with mum longer ad money issues.... mum keeps holding him and not letting daddy or I hold him I haven't bonded with him also she keeps just inviting her friends around to meet baby but I've said no - its making me feel blurgh! Anyone got advice? Thank you xxx

[GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate]

You need to have a chat with your mum and explain that whilst you really appreciate all of her support YOU are the baby's parents and YOU get to decide what's best/ who has a cuddle/ how to settle and soothe the baby.

In fairness to her she may think she's being helpful and letting you rest or perhaps she's got a bit caught up in being a new grandparent. If she is a reasonable woman she should back off after you've explained how you're feeling, if she's not then you need to look at moving out ASAP.

If you feel awkward saying this to her remind yourself that you are doing it for the benefit of your beautiful new baby; your baby deserves a close and special bond with its parents. Given that it's your mum it probably needs to come from you as your DP may not feel comfortable having that kind of chat, but it may be helpful to have him there to back you up if you're feeling a bit upset and emotional after the birth (totally normal to feel like this!).

Also, congratulations!

[fizzzog]

Just be straight. Sometimes mums don't get it! Mine invited family over to my home to visit newborn. She was BF and had a cluster feeding routine throughout the evenings. I politely asked they didn't stay long. DD was crying throughout. I was told I could go upstairs to feed, we're alright here. I tried to drop hints, didn't work. In the end i just had to ask them to leave. Mum was a little upset that she had been 'thrown out' but got over it. I had constant offers of let us take her to give you a break, just did my head in. Do what's best for you and baby.

[TheSingingMonkey]

You do need to be firm, it's your baby and you need to bond. Your mum has got years to have cuddles, this is an important time for you. As much as you appreciate her help, you need time with your baby. And he needs you don't forget! Just take him off her or whoever has him, he's your baby.

[Phoenixashes]

Agree with the PP, you need to speak to your mum before it becomes a bone of contention with you.

[JeanSeberg]

Yes you need to set some ground rules but try to be sensitive as presumably you're getting free board and lodging plus all the baby stuff you said they bought. If you don't like it, get your own place sooner.