When is it too many?

[Beth2511]

DSD is 6 with her birthday in January. is the pile of presents (the PS4 is OH, not DSD), surely that is just too much for one 6 year old child?? Especially when she has a huge stash from her mum and that side of the family to get through today too..


75% of it is from nanna and grandad and the last few bits from us... we have just had a DD and I don't want her receiving that much next year. It's just too much and she is already becoming a madam with spoiltness. How do I approach with the family that they need to tone it down?? OH luckily agrees but he wants to just let them get on with it as it makes them happy.

We don't even have room for all this stuff. I don't think I heard thank you once, not out of rudeness but out of being so overwhelmed she couldn't get her head around it all or where to start.

The whole family know her weight is an issue at the mo and she got bags and bags of chocolate, which is really helpful when we are trying to encourage healthy eating.

Am I being unreasonable?

[Beth2511]

ps, I always try and teach her that far more important than material gifts is to be loved and to be surrounded by family but this just seems to make it seem that love = ridic amounts of presents.

[StockingFullOfCoal]

Doesn't matter how much she does/doesn't get from her Mums side, that should never figure into anything when deciding a budget

You say you and DP got 25% of that? I wouldn't say that was overboard at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

[StockingFullOfCoal]

Also the fact that her birthday is January is nothing to do with it either! I have one DD in July and one in January and I'd never consider getting the January born DD less at Christmas because of it!

[jimmycrackcornbutidontcare]

Yanbu. That is a massive mound of presents for one child. If she gets the same again today it will be overwhelming. Less is more in that things she would normally love will be lost in amongst the pile. I try to calm grandparents excesses too as I want my children to keep the ability to be overjoyed by a gift.

[Beth2511]

Oh no we wouldn't get her less because of it.. just what the hell do we now get her? She's got absolutely everything she has asked for, we had looked at her list and saved some for birthday, which N+G knew but they've got it her anyway as it was on her xmas list. We worked out there's about £1000 of stuff there, ignoring OH's PS4,and so far there's maybe three things she's really taken a shine to, one of which is probably the cheapest item. She can't think of anything else she would like for birthday.

Our DD is a November baby so it's certainly nothing against DSD, we are going to have the same problem with DD as DSD but the opposite way round unless we sort of get it calmed down. We budgeted £200 for DSD and only got DD a token present and a stocking (she is only 5 weeks old afterall) even next year we are thinking more of a 65:35 split between our funds yet the PILs are planning on spending just as much again but this time on each of them. DD will be 1!

[Nanny0gg]

Get her an outdoor/summer present.

Try and persuade GPs to buy her something she really wants (so will be thrilled) and then put money in a savings account for her.

[spinduchess]

Id ask GPs to buy expensive things (because they obviously want to spend that much) rather than lots of items.

Garden swing/slide/paddling pools sound like a good idea.

[TiggerLillies]

Maybe you could get an experienced based present, trip to a theme park or the Zoo?

[Happyringo]

Everything else aside, I really don't know why you even mention either child's birthday! It doesn't matter if their birthday is on December 25th or June 25th, it is entirely separate and should in no way influence anything!

Would you ask a child with a birthday in June to bear Christmas in mind when thinking of birthday present ideas?

Sorry for the off topic rant btw! bitter 21st December born here whose family were never able to properly separate the two occasions lol

[Bodicea]

If I were you I wod get a token present for her birthday and put the rest that you were planning to spend in a savings account for her. You could make it big thing, go to the bank with her let her put it in herself. I would also politely request that her grandparents do the same both for her birthday and next Christmas. It seems such a terrible waste of money.

[ArcheryAnnie]

I am with you, OP. When they get too much, it makes me feel a bit sick. It isn't necessary, it isn't even that enjoyable. It's just stuff for the sake of stuff, most of it.

Can you redirect the GPs into buying clothes next year? If it's character clothes (eg frozen pjs, or whatever), the kids still see them as a treat and a present, not something utilitarian.

[Stripylikeatiger]

Year tickets to a zoo/day out type place is a great idea, that's what we do.

For your 1 year old ask for stuff with a high resale value like brio train track or duplo and sell it on after a few months.

[TheCraicDealer]

I never received gifts from my dad's parents, my Granda always gave us money which was quickly whipped out of our hands and put into a savings account. It was a bit of a downer as a child, but it did help me buy my first car. If they're determined to just spend for the sake of it could they be persuaded to redirect some funds away from Toys R Us and into a bank account for each child?

[Beth2511]

We don't ask her to bare it in mind, we teach her she will not get everything on her 4 page list for Christmas but generally a lot of what she doesn't get for chrChristmas she does then get for birthday, we don't mention her birthday in relation to xmas

[Bodicea]

I would get her to write a list with no more than ten items on it in future as well.

[naty1]

Its surely way too much £1000 and only half potentially.
Dont give pil the whole list just the things you want them to get.
Though that backfired a bit for us we asked for 1 thing got that and something else good but also 2 things we already have :(
Oh and some balls- we already have several so overall the extras were a bit of a waste and money would have been better
Think people should ask/tell you esp if they havent paid attention to what you already have.
I agree with say £500 excess presents could go towards a nice car/uni/something they want mid-yr/a school trip
Most of this will be given away by then

[Beth2511]

So MIL has announced she is scaling back next year... the two babies (there is a 1YO cousin) wont get anything for bdays or xmas and they are only buying for DSD. Seriously??? Can understand not buying much but surely even a tenner on a toy for each baby is reasonable when the other gets such a crazy amount??

[Beth2511]

makes me mad that DSD is fast becoming a spoilt madam (her dad's words, not mine) and then gets told she will be only one to get anything!

[CassieBearRawr]

Your family are insane.

If they won't listen to reason and reduce what they buy I agree with the above who suggested getting her to write a short list and ask the relatives to buy experience presents - days out, pay for lessons for something, etc instead of physical presents.

Another thing you can do is donate what doesn't get played with. We do regular toy donations here, especially in the run up to Christmas. It clears out the clutter and stops them being overwhelmed with toys and makes them think about those less fortunate as well.

Re: the weight issues - could she start a hobby/sport? That will be a good way for her to get exercise, fresh air, possibly some teamwork (might help combat the brattishness), and often ends up needing expensive equipment which could be good gift suggestions for relatives. Win/win.

[drbonnieblossman]

Even if the amount were halved and there had been £500 spent on dsd, it would be a huge amount of gifts. So why not steer towards halving the gifts and having money in an account for her. By the time she needs it for uni/car/travel it will have amounted to a lovely sun of money.

My dc have around £30 spent in them by grandparents in actual gifts but have savings accounts with a lovely nest egg; far more than we could ever save for them. Investing in their future is surely preferable to buying every thing on the market to be dumped in two years' time.

[drbonnieblossman]

If there must be actual gifts now then perhaps suggest to GPs merlin passes, leisure club membership, tennis lessons, cinema voucher, music lessons etc or when older Go Ape type family activity things that you can all benefit from

[monkeytroubles]

I would tell GP's that if they are serious about not buying for the other babies then you would prefer them not to buy for DSD either as you feel it's important not to show favouritism and that it will lead to resentment when they're older. As for the massive pile of presents in the picture, YANBU, that looks like a lot for one child, especially if you are already feel she is showing signs of being "spoiled". Could you put a few of the presents away for now and give them to her throughout the year?