to think that striict parents don't necessarily have the best behaved dc

[3nonblondeboys80]

So I have had 2 recent conversations with parents of ds1 and ds2 friends. I made an off the cuff comment about wear and tear on the car as a family of 5 over and above a commuter car. I was greeted with my dc are taught to respect property etc etc.
Now my boys aren't perfect but they have never been in trouble at school etc etc but the 2 boys who apparently have strict parents haveeither been trouble at school or behaved quite badly at birthday parties or in tbe school playground or park. (when perfect parents back is turned of course)
Aibu to think that strict parents don't always have perfect dc.

[chocoluvva]

YANBU IMO.

There's no one right way to parent. Some children are 'well behaved' but aren't kind.....

[WorraLiberty]

No-one has perfect DC do they?

[DiaDuit]

What is 'strict'? It's all opinion really. My strict might be your laidback.

Just do what you think is right by your own and let others worry about theirs. Smile and nod when they profess to have parenting nailed

[ILovePud]

YANBU personally I think consistency is more important than whether you are strict or laid back. I also think that whilst parenting is an important influence on a child's behaviour it is not the only influence, genetics and a multitude of other environmental factors play a part.

[WorraLiberty]

Also OP, do you honestly think your kids will never misbehave when your back is turned?

[Meglet]

Mine are hellraisers at home, fights, drawing on things (DD), major answering back (DS).

But they're pretty much perfect at school, beautiful behaviour, get on with everyone and very good reports. The teachers looked at me like this when them what they did at home.

I guess that everything I tell them goes in, and I telll them off a lot. It just goes horribly wrong when they're squashed in together at home .

[morethanpotatoprints]

Why are they strict for teaching their dc to respect their belongings.
We have taught ours this from an early age because we have thousands of pounds worth of equipment and instruments in the house.
if you don't want to be replacing everything its a good lesson to teach.

[DiaDuit]

I think respecting property is a pretty basic 'rule' that most parents teach isnt it? Regardless of whether a thing cost 10p or £10k. Not strict at all. Basic common sense really.

[3nonblondeboys80]

mine are also taught to respect property etc. However, I think their response was more than that. It kind of suggested that they were bringing their dc up properly. etc etc

[mellicauli]

The children might be even more badly behaved if the parents weren't strict!

[wooooosualsuspect]

Depends what they think being strict is. If it's constantly shouting,punishing and saying no to everything., then no it's not the best.

[BlackeyedSusan]

wear and tear is just that though. not necessarily disrspect. children get in and out of cars with shoes on, which may be wet, dusty, dirty, and also casue the carpet to wear. this is normal use.

It sounded like they were being super strict and arsy to you about respecting property.

things are there to be used and enjoyed and some battles are just not worth fighting. (especially when you have a child with asd.... who caused quite a lot of wear and tear in one trip home tonight) there is a difference between respecting property and being anal about it to the point of misery for all involved.

[ghostmous3]

I also think its down to child temperament as well as parenting styles.

You might be uber strict and have a laid back child that wouldnt misbehave anyway even if you relaxed or be uber strict and have a child that still causes hell for parents.

Or a laid back, well behaved child and relaxed parents.

Nobodies perfect are they. Consistency helps.

mind you I have lost count of the times that my parenting has been called into question over ds. He has asd and swears. A lot. Its uncontrollable at times when hes distressed.
If my child swore like that he would get a punch in the mouth, just tell him no, ground him, take his x box away blah blah. They ignore the fact that a lot of hard work has gone into helping him to understand his world, if you hit people, police will be called, actions have consequences etc. I have to parent him differently to my nt 3 dds

[3nonblondeboys80]

yy to temparament. my 3 boys are very different .

[lisucbgiberiocnha]

I think being ultra army strict can result in boundaries being challenged big time. I think being too chilled can result in a child testing boundaries and not feeling emotionally held. The best way in my book is helping DC reflect upon their actions and helping them learn to make good decisions. Nobody has to lose face or feel abandoned to do this.

[ghostmous3]

I know my parents were very strict, not allowed an opinion, couldnt breathe without them wanting to know why, micromanaged, i remember my mum hitting me because i put my ironing on the floor instead of in the drawers and i was 15.

I buggered off to uni at 18 and rebelled big time, got pregnant pretty quickly and drank and did drugs. I still struggle to make decisions and when I do they are bad ones because i never learnt to try things or rebel or test boundaries safely when I was a kid.

[Holliewantstobehot]

Ha ha ghostmous I think we have the same child. Ds swears like a trooper. He has dyspraxia and possible ASD. What people don't realise is that this time last year he would hit out all the time but now he swears instead. I am working on it but I know which stress release I prefer! Strangely dd never swears despite hearing from her brother. I think temperament plays a big part. People probably think I'm not strict enough but being strict does nothing for ds behaviour.