to ask you what would be a fair split?

[3nonblondeboys80]

Following on from my previous thread I have been mulling over return to work options.
I am virtually a sahm (seasonal self employed). We have 3 boys 11, 9 and 2. Dh works in a responsible desk job with a longish commute by car. out of house 7 till 7.30 approx. At the moment I do all the childcare, housework etc during the week unless out and all night wakings. (including weekends) . He does get his own food in the evening but doesn't tidy up after himself.
At weekends he does do diy and garden and some admin. Also possibly cook one meal. Again it is me doing the hard slog like laundry and nappy changing , housework etc and sorting all other meals, washing up etc. I am always up 1st at weekends as he gets up before me during the week.
I am now in a position where I want to return to work so the current set up isn't going to be sustainable. I am struggling to keep up at the moment tbf.
so say I was fortunate enough to get a Monday to Friday job say 9 to 5. I would obviously still doing afterschool pick ups etc and childcare till dh got home and whatever housework I could do.
Any ideas on what the split should be after that appreciated.

[strongandlong]

50:50 when you're both at home. A lie in each at the weekend. Shared night wakings and equal leisure time.

Your current set up doesn't sound very fair.

[FishWithABicycle]

If you go back to work 9-5 and he doesn't reduce his hours then getting a cleaner/housekeeper to come and sort out the housework and laundry will be a vital thing to do with some of your earnings. Whatever childcare arrangements you make to cover school end till 5.45ish when you get home, make sure it includes giving the kids their supper. You then collect them and get them to bed. DH does bedtime at weekends. You both take it in turns to cook. Whoever didn't cook clears up.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I think it's already a little one-sided. Equal work and equal time off is the only fair way. DH and I have to discuss what counts as 'work'. We include, for example, exercise as 'work' because we both want to prioritise it. DH is doing a course right now that half counts (as it takes a lot of time but I am covering the slack so he does more on his day off IYSWIM).

Why does he do his own food (not for you?) and leaves the mess?

[FinallyHere]

Doesn't tidy up after himself?

I'd want to understand why this is, I really can't imagine it, for a sentient human being. Honest.

[MrsPiggie]

You'll have to do the cooking and the laundry because of his hours, and some light tidying up during the week, so he'll have to do any major house scrubbing and cooking at the weekend. Taking care of children at the weekend 50:50 during the day, with him doing bath time. Lying ins - it's up to you, I would give both days to him since he wakes up early all week, but if you're not an early morning person then it would be perfectly reasonable to take one each.

[3nonblondeboys80]

the not tidying up is forgetting to take mugs into kitchen etc. I guess we got used to me doing it all before dc3 came along.
It just seems I have picked up the extra slack.
He is too tired during the week to do much.
I eat with dc and he prefers snacks or takaways.

[3nonblondeboys80]

or perhaps claims he is too tired.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I'm always too tired but I do it anyway. Same with DH. We're both knackered You do it because otherwise the person you love has to do it and that isn't fair. Particularly leaving mess for someone else. It's just unloving.

[wowfudge]

No one has mentioned it yet, I think, but your two eldest could and should be helping out with household tasks. At that age me and my DSis were doing the weekly dusting and hoovering, helping with cooking, washing dishes, etc.

[3nonblondeboys80]

they do help with cooking and washing up but I guess they could do more.

[Balaboosta]

Good luck, I hope it goes well. It'll be a transition.

[3nonblondeboys80]

thank you