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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable here, Me or DH?

61 replies

DietCokePepsiMax · 30/09/2014 16:16

We have not had a cigarette for 1 week (30 years of smoking).

My DH has a vapour cigarette which really helps him and I have gone cold turkey as the patches make me feel sick and the vapour makes me cough!

We have never smoked in our home, always outside no matter what the weather is like.

DH has started to use his vapour cigarette inside our home, I hate when he uses it as it reminds me of smoking and causes me to think about it when I wouldn't usually as we have never smoked inside the home.

It is permanently attached to him like a child with a dummy! I've asked him if you could please use it outside as it makes me think about smoking and he just says 'do you want me to give up or not?' and cuts off the conversation.

I really need to give up, health issues are creating up on me but seeing him with his vapour cigarette inside our home is really making me struggle!

Who is being unreasonable?

I'm very interested to know what you all think as he thinks that I am being very unreasonable!

OP posts:
Trills · 30/09/2014 16:17

Outside with it.

Looiloo79 · 30/09/2014 16:19

He is being unreasonable the same as my oh did when he quit. I hate the smell of the vapour and there is no need for anyone to sit on the sofa puffing away on it all day! Grrrr!

hesterton · 30/09/2014 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cherrybombxo · 30/09/2014 16:19

My brother vapes constantly, to the point that I made a joke about it at the weekend and he got really defensive. He uses it indoors and even in clothes shops, it's really rude and inappropriate.

I think your DH is being selfish, I wouldn't accept him doing it inside.

dollfin · 30/09/2014 16:22

You aren't being unreasonable. I have had exactly the same thing and I wasn't even trying to give up smoking. Send him outside with it! Its inconsiderate when you are trying to quit.

Also, there are lots of opinions on e-cigarettes but they still dont really know what effect they will have. On the liquid bottle I read 'harmful to touch and harmful to ingest'. Sorry, but how is inhaling the vapour any different?!

minkah · 30/09/2014 16:22

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

Just incompatible wishes.

Can a compromise be reached? Maybe he can use it in the house but not in the same room as you?

You both have different needs, to succeed in your goal, and need to be mutually supportive!

EverythingslookingRosie · 30/09/2014 16:22

He is BU! Send him outside!

Vitalstatistix · 30/09/2014 16:25

He is being unreasonable.

He should maintain his habit as it was before - going outside to smoke it for the length of time a cig is smoked for.

All he is doing by smoking it indoors and all the time is strengthening the psychological element of addiction.

The aim is to use it in order to quit and eventually stop using it, surely? Not to use it MORE than actual cigs and make it more of a constant in your life.

Also, it is selfish to do something that makes it harder for someone else to quit. There is no reason he can't go outside - he always used to.

itsbetterthanabox · 30/09/2014 16:25

Yabu, it's helping him quit. Use one yourself!

Yama · 30/09/2014 16:31

YANBU

He IBU.

I have once been in a room with someone who had one and I had a sore head for the rest of the day.

itsbetterthanabox · 30/09/2014 16:33

Yama why did you have a sore head?Confused

minkah · 30/09/2014 16:35

Bearing in mind what Yama says, it seems like he is toxifying your environment.

Presumable he doesn't realise.

rembrandtsrockchick · 30/09/2014 16:39

I use a VIP vaper. I can't use the tobacco flavoured oil as it makes me cough so I use the triple menthol which is ok. If the vapour he is using smells awful (some of them do, especially the sweet ones) ask him to change it to something less offensive to you.

The oil is toxic if ingested, the vapor is not.

I used to smoke 20 per day, vaping keeps me off the fags!

I think it's reasonable to ask him not to vape when you are with him...going into another room would solve that one.

Yama · 30/09/2014 17:06

I'm not sure why I got a sore head. However, since I don't usually suffer from them I'm guessing it had something to do with the vapour cigarette. It stunk.

In future I will object to someone vaping in my presence indoors. Unless it is their house of course. If that were the case I would simply leave.

ithoughtofitfirst · 30/09/2014 17:43

Outside or it's up your arse.

CarbeDiem · 30/09/2014 17:57

I think he is BU.
I understand maybe he doesn't want to go outside as that might 'remind' him of fags and he's trying to break the habit part but he should at least go to a different room.

I'm currently on day 6 of no smoking and I don't like vaping either so wouldn't really appreciate someone doing it next to me constantly.

blanklook · 30/09/2014 18:06

That's really unfair of him. He should do the same thing with his dummy as whatever you both used to do with the real thing.

Well done you OP for trying so hard in the face of provocation, Thanks for you

and Biscuit for him.

magoria · 30/09/2014 18:10

Congratulations on one week without a cigarette!

That is a massive achievement. Keep going.

You DH is a grown adult who needs a pacifier like a 6 month old! He is just exchanging one habit for another.

He is being unreasonable he should go outside with it.

itsbetterthanabox · 30/09/2014 18:11

There's nothing in there do give you a headache so it must be psychosomatic.
All the hate and lies and proposals of legislation about e cigs causes more people to go back to smoking and that causes more people to die. Why is it so many are against something that is saving countless lives and preventing so much suffering.

itsbetterthanabox · 30/09/2014 18:13

Magoria switching from something that is terribly harmful to something that is not harmful is a good thing! It's not morally better to give up cold turkey! If ecigs keep someone from smoking tobacco then they are only a positive thing. Would you rather people smoked and died? So patronising and rude of you.

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/09/2014 18:13

Outside with it! It's a step backwards for him to be using it like that! He's just picking up a different habit.

maras2 · 30/09/2014 18:17

You are not being unreasonable.At a concert the other night,2 blokes sitting next to me vaped throughout the gig.There was no smell as such but a definite sort of fug which was yucky.Don't allow it in your house. < nasty >

magoria · 30/09/2014 18:17

I didn't say it was morally better or worse to go cold turkey Hmm

OP herself says it is permanently attached to him like a dummy.

He has moved the goal posts from smoking outside when needed to doing it inside whenever he feels like it. He is not helping OP and is bluntly refusing to because he is all right jack. That is not a positive thing. It is selfish.

Why shouldn't he use it outside just like he used to smoke outside?

MrsPiggie · 30/09/2014 18:19

Neither of you is being particularly unreasonable, you're both touchy because it's the first week without the cancer sticks. Give it another week and you'll be able to have a rational conversation about it (and kick him outside at the end of it)
Well done both of you.

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 30/09/2014 18:22

People look ridiculous with their vaporisers in their hands constantly. Adult dummies absolutely!

Use them when you would have a fag and outside.