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AIBU?

To find nursery pick up unbelievably stressful?

20 replies

Pugaboo · 27/08/2014 18:15

I have a stressful, busy job. I sometimes have a 160 mile round commute and travel to other cities. I have to do all pick ups.

In my other office they are restricting all free parking. The bus is meant to take 25 minutes but can take well over an hour. I can't afford to pay for parking as only work part time. I can walk but it takes over an hour and in the pissing rain that isn't much fun.

I'm late usually at least a couple of times a month and am wracked with stress, guilt and frustration. I HATE it.

I'm massively overreacting aren't I?

OP posts:

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ArsenicyOldFace · 27/08/2014 18:17

160 mile round commute and you do all pickups?

No you're not overreacting!

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NotYouNaanBread · 27/08/2014 18:19

You're not. That sounds awful. Why are you doing all pickups? What about your partner? If he is genuinely unavailable (i.e. lives in Timbuktu), then you definitely need to pay somebody to do the pickup for you and you meet them at home.

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LapsedTwentysomething · 27/08/2014 18:19

Why do you have to do all the pick ups?

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ICanSeeTheSun · 27/08/2014 18:20

How about move DC nursery to closer to your work place.

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Gen35 · 27/08/2014 18:20

Do you have an understanding boss where you can explain and agree that you'll make up time the next day when late or are you treated like a flakey loser? Why do you have to do all the pick-ups? On the surface of it, it doesn't seem fair if it's causing you so much stress

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TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 27/08/2014 18:20

At our nursery you can pay a small fee for an additional 15 or 30 mins after they "close". You can use it regularly or in emergencies. Would yours do this?

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SugarMiceInTheRain · 27/08/2014 18:22

YANBU at all, I would be stressed to the hilt doing that! Can you get a childminder or even a reliable student/ sixth former who wants a bit extra cash to do the pick ups and meet you at your house?

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3littlefrogs · 27/08/2014 18:26

I second the idea of paying someone to do the pick up, or find a childminder who is prepared to be flexible.

My childminder was prepared to keep DD for up to an hour late for a reasonable extra payment - she just charged me for the extra time at the basic rate.

As long as I phoned her to let her know it was fine.

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ladybirdandsnails · 27/08/2014 18:28

I would seriously be looking for a flexible childminder

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amyhamster · 27/08/2014 18:29

I'd pay for parking

Or get a cm, au pair or nanny

Basically anything to make your life easier , it sounds so stressful

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MrsWinnibago · 27/08/2014 18:32

She says she can't afford parking and who knows if she has a partner?

OP you need to either change the job somehow or change your childcare arrangements. Could you move closer to work?

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DiaDuit · 27/08/2014 18:33

160 mile round trip for part time pay and you cant afford parking? is it really sensible to have a job so far from home? surely the fuel costs are eating up your salary?

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juliascurr · 27/08/2014 18:33

would one of the other parents like to earn a bit of cash?

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Viviennemary · 27/08/2014 18:35

You've got to have a serious think about how your life can be made easier and look at the suggestions made. It does seem an excessive amount of travel for part-time pay.

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Pugaboo · 27/08/2014 19:30

Sorry wasn't clear... The 160 mile trip is only 2-3 times a month, luckily I have an understanding boss who lets me leave early and make up the time, but if there's more than 10 minutes' traffic I'm late for pick up.

The other office is much closer but a pain in the arse to get to. Driving is the best of a bad lot but all parking spaces are sold on a monthly basis so when I only need them 7-8 times a month is works out as incredibly bad value, and would be a significant chunk of my disposable income.

DH is supportive generally but can't do pick ups as he's contracted to work long hours and works an hour away. There are very few jobs he can apply for where we live. Moving closer to my regular office isn't a possibility as it's in a stupidly expensive area.

We can't afford for one of us not to work, moreover we both like our jobs.

OP posts:

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Pugaboo · 27/08/2014 19:36

I feel like I'm just coming up with excuses, it's just a really difficult situation, and i just need to vent. Sometimes a friend will take him as I'm usually only 5-15 minutes late when I am late, but I just feel incredibly guilty about it and she won't take payment.

I know there are people who have it much harder in terms of juggling stuff, I just don't know any in real life! I'm really lucky to have bosses that trust me to get the work done and do slightly flexible hours but there is still a culture of presenteeism in the office so I feel guilty about that too and am sure that colleagues judge me.

Due to the nature of my job I work in a team of one so have a lot of responsibility and inflexibility - I couldn't reduce my hours without it having a major impact on my career.

OP posts:

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coppertop · 27/08/2014 19:38

Is there an option to share the rental of the parking space with other part-timers who work at different times to you?

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DiaDuit · 27/08/2014 19:57

TBH- and I don't mean to sound as if I'm telling you off but it doesn't actually sound as bad as it did in the OP. its only 2/3 times a month you are late and that's only if there is traffic and it's only up to 15 minutes late and even then you have a friend who can collect him anyway.

wrt the giving up work- I don't say you should but would it be worthwhile until ds is in school? how old is he? would the nursery savings make up for the loss of income? are you claiming everything you are entitled to?

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SarcyMare · 27/08/2014 20:01

could you do what i do, leave in plenty of time for the pickups, and make up the extra time working from home so 20 or 30 mins an evening.

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Pugaboo · 27/08/2014 22:40

Hi thanks for all the comments. I am late at other times as well due to awful traffic, crap public transport being late etc despite leaving what seems like more than enough time.

I think I just struggle with the pick up responsibility (and associated guilt/stress) being all on me. My job is no less stressful or demanding than DH's yet I'm the one that always has to leave early rather than stay and get it done.

Sarcy I think you're right, I need to renegotiate my actual working hours. At the moment I'm working quite a few hours extra at home so have been loath to increase this but I think it's the only way to reduce the stress I feel.