To give DD a kinder bar every night? Bribery?

[Fanfeckintastic]

DD was 3 in June and I have been gobsmacked by the change in her, she's like a teenager sometimes and constantly trying to assert her independence etc, all very normal there's no hitting or anything but quite a bit of roaring and shouting.
We aren't a "treaty" house at all, never have anything rubbishy in usually, she's never tasted fizzy drink etc and she has a very good diet generally.

Anyway I've introduced a bit of bribery and give her a little kinder bar every evening with a glass of milk if she's been good all day. The reminder of this can instantly snap her out of a tantrum and any bad behaviour, but should I really be using bribery? Especially food bribery? It's kind of exactly what we're advised against now isn't it?

Tell me, am I making a big deal over nothing or am I setting her up to be a candidate on Secret Eaters or Obese, a year to save my life

[MsVestibule]

You're right, it's a bad idea to use food as bribery or rewards, for all the reasons you've mentioned. We do it frequently .

[Heyho111]

I think this might only work short term when the novelty wears off. Reward chart might be better where after x amount of stars she gets a treat like a magazine etc.

[MisForMumNotMaid]

I have a treat tin. It has some kinder in and little fun toys, stocking filler kind of stuff. Things like balloons, bubbles, bouncy balls, pencils, mini packs of sweets. Its diluted the sweet always being the reward but its one choice of reward.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

Yes you probably have to be quite careful about associating "bad" food with reward.

I can't be arsed to keep sticker charts but I think others that do should be commended. There is also marble in a jar, tokens etc.

Now it's minutes earned on Minecraft.

[Frontier]

I don't know how you'd define being "good all day" in a 3yo. What happens if she hasn't been good and doesn't get her treat? At three I don't think she'd really understand that no treat at bedtime was a result of being naughty at breakfast, or be thinking about her bedtime treat enough for it to influence her behaviour at breakfast IYSWIM.

There are loads of reasons the experts would say it's a bad idea but as other have said we all do it sometimes. I'm not sure how an everyday treat can really work as a reward though. Might do for a few days but not likely to be effective once the novelty has worn off.

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

I think it's a fab idea - everyone deserves a reward if they've been good. this is no different to getting a bonus at work for working well/achieving a goal or deadline etc.

Over time I would extend the goal and reward so that she might get a bigger reward for being good for two whole days instead of just one etc, and then you could slowly move away from chocolate towards (for example) money in a tin towards a toy she wants, stickers on a chart which cumulatively earn something like a trip to the cinema.....whatever floats her boat.

[addictedtosugar]

I'm not convinced by chocolate too close to bed time.
I like the treat tin idea with balloons and other small items in as well.
I'm trying to think what we do, and its usually more stories / snuggles at bed time. Not sure that is the right way to go either.... Difficult one.

[Tikimon]

Me and my brother always got rewarded with a candy bar if we were good in the store and minded our manners when mom took us shopping. Neither of us have an unhealthy relationship with food (I actually prefer fruit to candy) and are average weight ok I'm a little chubby.

Adults are living between the carrot and the stick themselves aren't they? Do a good job, get a bonus. Do a bad job, get fired. It's not like you're putting your child on an impractical system.

What about allowance? Have your daughter do daily chores and if she's good and does them, she gets $1 or whatever at the end of the day. Then she can save up for whatever it is she wants to buy.

[HicDraconis]

I would split the day up into shorter periods of time - getting up and breakfast / morning / lunch / afternoon / dinner / bath time / bed.

You can get some sparkly stickers from a $2 shop (pound shop?) and throughout the day if she's been good she can choose a sticker and stick it to the appropriate time slot. Naughtiness / tantrums etc - no sticker.

If she manages all 7 stickers one day, big day sticker and small treat.
When she gets a week of big stickers, big treat.

For my two we give 5 "points" for good behaviour, helping, doing as told first time without needing to be nagged reminded, any time they are behaving in a way I'd like to reinforce (sharing well, reading together) - all points added up at end of week and converted into minutes of computer game time which they can spend whenever they like that weekend. 3s a bit young for that yet but stickers should work.

[AlpacaYourThings]

YABU, but only because I'm now craving Kinder bars and have sent DH to the shop that's the diet out the window

[Cinnamon73]

I think a little treat now and then is absolutely fine. On holiday we all had an ice cream a day - and I'm not talking about pre-packaged but full-on Italian ice cream creations with cream&sauce. It's what we do on holiday when it's really hot.

What I'm über-careful to avoid is exactly what you identified: rewards of the chocolaty type for being good.

It really does train their brain to "need" a treat for being good, and later on for having achieved something etc. Whereas for little ones, a hug and heartfelt "well done today" is one big squishy boost of confidence and self esteem.
And for the older ones the pride of having achieved something, and the honest and appropriate praise from mum/dad is worth a whole chocolate factory.

We do go out as a family to celebrate certain events in our children's lives (music exams, other important tests, first days at school etc) but that's more a family gathering to say well done, even if food is involved, it's the get together that's most important.

[ilovechristmas1]

not a good idea

i had a friend that every day after school took her DS to a newsagent for a Kinder egg,every day and if it wasnt possible (rare) he played up terribly as it was expected,made school pick ups miserable

[Purplepoodle]

Stickers are the commodity in hour house, esp shiny glitter ones

[Wolfiefan]

I really wouldn't use food as a bribe. I wouldn't give chocolate every day either.
A whole day is a long time for a three year old. How about do x then we will read a book/play bubbles/ make pay dough etc.

[HandMini]

I use Peppa Pig episodes x 2 as my equivalent bribe. Cld you do that? Or another programme?

I agree with others that food as reward isn't hugely healthy.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I wouldn't give chocolate at bedtime if it were me. We use stickers or a small toy. Stickers at nap and bedtimes mainly.

[Fanfeckintastic]

Ah okay I think I'll have to rethink it and maybe whip out the reward charts instead.I don't like the direction it's going in already, she will ask about her bar for that night, first thing in the morning!