To think people with cancer have more than one wish

[TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot]

Sorry, this is Facebook related.

A friend has shared one of those picture message things about how most of us have a thousand wishes- to be richer/ thinner etc, but cancer patients only have one wish, "to kick cancer's butt."

I'm sure that people who have cancer do want to recover, but is that really the only thing that everyone with cancer wants? Surely you can want to get better and want to (for example) be rich and famous at the same time?

Am I unreasonable in thinking that messages like that are just reducing people with cancer to their disease? It seems to be like it's saying people with cancer do not have fully formed personalities with myriad hopes and dreams like everyone else, they're just all about the cancer.

I've never had cancer or any life-threatening disease, so I realise I could be completely unreasonable about this, as I don't know how it feels.

[VitoCorleone]

People just post twaddle on Facebook

[CoffeeTea103]

Yabu to over analyze this.

[SarcyMare]

it is just like farming, ignore it.

[TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot]

Yes, I suppose you're both right. I should have learned to ignore Facebook twaddle by now. I don't know why that message pissed me off so much.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Well, let's face it, of course anyone who has cancer - their main wish is to get better. I imagine if you are faced with such a terrifying disease all other stuff (like you mentioned being rich and famous) is just trivialised.

Doesn't mean the illness defines them though of course but yeah, their main wish would be to go into remission.

[LadyRainicorn]

YANBU I think a lot of the thinking behind cancer 'campaigns'(for want of a better phrase) is rather reductionist. '

[TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot]

I see what you mean, Betty. I can understand that going into remission is likely to be someone's main wish, it's just the message said, "A cancer patient has only one wish." But humans are never that simple, we all have complex hopes and desires, and it seems kind of dehumanising to suggest people with cancer don't.

I'm probably over-thinking and being unreasonable aren't I?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Well, maybe you are over thinking a little bit.

I have to say, I really hate the ad where they are saying they are going to kick cancers butt - now that really does give me the rage. My mum was a strong kick arse sort of person but it still got the better of her - but then that's me over-thinking that particular ad.

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

I dunno about their main wish either - if say someone had a genetic cancer, their 'main' wish might be that their children havent inherited the gene, for eg?

[TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot]

I'm sorry about your mum, Betty.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Thanks TheIncredible - almost four years now but still miss her like mad. Still, life goes on and all that hey.

Beyond - true - Suppose it really depends on each individual case.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Incredible lol just looked at your post and we are talking about the same ad - just from different perspectives.

Anyhow, we agree it's a shit ad :)

[TheCatsBollocks]

Anybody with more than one brain cell knows that someone with caner has more than one wish.
Surely?

[TheCatsBollocks]

Cancer not caner.

[TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot]

Yes, Betty, it seems to be a shit ad whatever way you look at it.

And I'm not ashamed to be in the 97% who won't share it.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

I don't share any of that crap!

[Itsallabout]

Talk of kicking cancers butt, beating and battling/fighting cancer puts enormous pressure and expectations on patients to survive and get better.

I think that having cancer and undergoing treatment consumes the person so their one wish is of course to reach remission and not to desire meaningless and trivial things like being rich or being thinner.

With having that one wish to surivive it means that their future hopes and dreams can become a reality.

[FreeSpirit89]

I suppose the message behind it is that someone who is standing in their grave or waiting to die has one wish, to live. More time with family and loved ones.

All of us want to be skinner, richer, longer hair, better skin, bigger house. Most people facing there death in a quite frankly painful and mostly undignified manor would take being poor, fat, bald, spotty and living in a house share over death.

I think YABU to be getting so wound up about it. I think it's a very sombering post and makes people realise actually there is more to life than material things.

[Callani]

So you know YABU to read so much into a Facebook post (obvs) but YANBU about the meaning of this post - I hate how so much talk about cancer turns the person into a character to play out a story and reduces their personhood.
"Oh she's such an inspiration" "Isn't he a fighter?" "You'll kick cancer's butt"

It's like, if you've got cancer, you've got to be brave and face it with a smile and realise how much life's worth living - what if you just want to be a complete cow about the whole thing? What if you don't want to be brave and smile, you actually want to run and hide, or have a complete hissy breakdown because it's just so incredibly unfair? And yeah, maybe you do wish to get better, but you're also REALLY hoping that your hair will grow back when you do, and that your skin will stop looking so goddamn awful and maybe someone will look at you because they think you're hot for once rather than because you're sick, and yeah maybe you'd also like new clothes / shoes / handbags anyway in the meantime because heaven knows you can't actually trade them in for remission.

But no, keep smiling - don't forget to play the part.

[Callani]

Sorry for ranting - it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine. If someone wants to "fight cancer" and that imagery helps then that's fantastic - I just feel that the whole discussion around cancer can be really unsupportive for people living with the disease and can actually place undue pressure on them to "be a fighter" and be falsely positive and upbeat.

[biscuitsandbandages]

We are all individuals.
We all have different wishes and hopes.
If you had asked me 3 months ago what I wanted most in the world I would have ummed and ahhed, maybe a holiday, maybe a new car, maybe enoh money to fix the garage roof?

Now I personally and I mean just me... I only have one wish and that's to see my children grow up. Everything else still has fleeting importance but I don't have to think for a second what the one big thing for me is.

[firesidechat]

My husband has cancer. People always seem to have an opinion on how cancer patients should think, act, be, say. It's probably the same for all sorts of conditions and therefore best to ignore the Facebook rubbish.

Oh and please don't get me started on "kicking cancers butt". Honestly!!!

[VelvetEmbers]

One of my FB friends regularly posts that twaddle as well. It makes me really .

I had cancer 3 years ago and at the time I was going through treatment didn't ever once think about "surviving". All of the professionals I saw in the course of my treatment were quite matter-of-fact about my condition so I just assumed I would get through it.

I would still like to be richer/ thinner etc

[ConsiderablyBiggerBuns]

Hi, I am currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. Absolutely I am wishing and optimistically hoping that my treatment works, however, I would still like to thinner, write a best selling novel and cop off with Clive Owen, in fact, I probably fantasise more about those things as a distraction from what is going on in my body. More importantly, I am a mother and my number one wish will ALWAYS be for the safety, health and happiness of my children - and to be honest, my wishes for my own health are motivated most strongly by that. So yes, it is a bit of a crass message but usual Facebook twaddle - ignore!

[beccajoh]

I have cancer right now. Getting better is clearly very high on the agenda, and I'm assuming I will. I don't want to die before my children are old enough to have memories of me - DD is 2 next week and DS is 5 months.

My cancer isn't all I am, but it has changed my priorities. I will never again grumble about spending too much time with my children. You don't realise what you've got sometimes until there's a chance you might lose it, although it won't be me experiencing the loss if things don't improve. I still have the same wants, needs and hopes, mainly for my children but some for DH and I.

A shallow part of me hopes I don't have to have chemo (unlikely) as I don't want to go bald.