To feel bad about this and wonder how I could have reacted better

[Hurr1cane]

So last night me and DP were having a rare night out in our local. I was wearing a clingy maxi dress, I am a size 10 but I have a health problem which means at the moment I have a bit of a bloated stomach which really stands out sometimes. I'm not self conscious about it, I couldn't care less


Anyway it got to about 1am and I was quite tipsy at this point, and DP introduced me to someone he knew, a really lovely man in his 50s, we have met before when I was well and didn't have the bloat.

Anyway DPs friend gave me a hug then said "ooooh have you got a bun in the oven?"

I said no and the poor man covered his face, DP asked what was wrong and I laughed and said "x thought I was pregnant because of my bloat" DP then burst out laughing, hugged his mate and said "hurr1canes cool you know she's not arsed" then told his other mates who instantly started offering to give up their seats and saying I shouldn't drink.

Anyway I thought it was all funny (I wasn't at all offended) and I thought that laughing about it would make DPs friend feel better. But the poor man ran outside and looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up

I clearly acted unreasonably in trying to make light of a possible awkward situation and no amount of telling the man it was fine was working. Me and DP are terrible for dealing with everything with humour.

How would you deal with that situation?

[Canus]

I don't think you were odd about it, your reaction was fine.

The man sounds as though he was either drunk or unusually self absorbed.

[Hurr1cane]

DP said that he hates offending anyone, but he didn't offend me at all. I think he was really embarrassed? I need things to not be awkward because DP works where he drinks.

[WorraLiberty]

I clearly acted unreasonably in trying to make light of a possible awkward situation and no amount of telling the man it was fine was working. Me and DP are terrible for dealing with everything with humour.

I don't get why you're saying this ^^ ?

Who said you clearly acted unreasonably?

[Itsfab]

Well it is DP who needs things not to be awkward given it is him that works there but it does seem to have been blown out of proportion. Just carry on as normal. Was a bit unnecessary for your DP to then tell everyone what the friend had said though as it was probably that that added to the friend's embarrassment. He should have kept it between the three of you.

[Lanabelle]

You were fine, he was just embarrassed. My boss went 9 days overdue before and when she came home from the hospital after having him, I was on the yard and I said to her "you still not had that yet??" I reacted the same way as your friend did when her husband appeared from the back of the car with a 7 hour old baby. I was mortified and no amount of laughing or joking could make me feel better. I am an arse and I admit it. If she reads this she will know its me and Im sorry Kim

[SpicyPear]

I can't believe you're fretting about his feelings! Whether it upset you or not, he was the one in the wrong and was right to feel embarrassed. I have a similar issue with a bloated tum and when this occasionally happens it does upset me because I am sensitive about it.

[WorraLiberty]

Was a bit unnecessary for your DP to then tell everyone what the friend had said though as it was probably that that added to the friend's embarrassment. He should have kept it between the three of you.

That was my thought as well

Although the OP hasn't said who accused her and her DP of being clearly unreasonable.

[ManchesterAunt]

Some people feel shame more than others. I really struggle to quickly move on from embarrassing myself or accidentally offending others.

[Hurr1cane]

Nobody accused us, I'm sort of accusing myself because I felt really bad for the poor man. DP was very drunk and thought it was dead funny. I was wondering whether I should have just said no and walked off/ changed the subject but then he might have thought he'd upset me

Stupid stomach causing issues

[diddl]

I think that what your husband was odd.
I would just have told the guy no, reassured him and left it at that.

[eddielizzard]

i think you handled it well. i think your dp shouldn't have told everyone.

poor man. i'd have a quiet word with the friend and re-iterate that you weren't offended. in fact you're worried that he's upset and you'd like to reassure him it's ok.

you sound lovely btw

[WorraLiberty]

Ahh well don't accuse yourself then, you did nothing wrong.

Your DP does sound as though he embarrassed the man further though, which was a bit unnecessary.

[Hurr1cane]

Yeah... DP is.....DP

So I probably should have just laughed quietly and reassured the man then?

that makes me feel a bit better because I only told DP because the man did a dramatic head in hands movement prompting DP to ask what was wrong.

[shockinglybadteacher]

You sound like you handled it fine. Was a bit intrigued by this:

then told his other mates who instantly started offering to give up their seats and saying I shouldn't drink

Giving up the seat is a kind gesture, but I do not love the Alcohol While Pregnant Police. A mate of mine gets funny looks if she even walks in a pub (she's heavily and visibly pregnant) even though she does not drink. Another pal is pregnant but not visible and on a night out she'll have a glass of wine - that is all and she does not drink otherwise. Because people know she's pregnant, they feel fine saying things like "You know you're giving that to the baby, right?" "Should you really be drinking that?" or even warning her darkly about FAS, which happens to the children of alcoholics, not the child of a mum who has about one alcoholic drink a month.

As a teenager I had a part-time job as a waitress and I never even thought twice about giving a glass of wine to a clearly pregnant woman. I figured that she'd thought about the risks for herself and worked out she'd be alright and so would the baby. It wasn't for me to lecture her, any more than it would be for me to tell obese people they can't have dessert or force dessert on people I thought were too thin I find it a bit horrible that pregnant women are public property.

[PrincessBabyCat]

I would have laughed and told everyone too if that was me drunk or not. In any case, it's not exactly rocket science that you don't ask if someone is pregnant. If he's going to ask a stupid question, he deserves to feel embarrassed. He'll be fine, a little bit of avoiding eye contact for a bit, but he'll be fine. :)

I've made a career my fair share of faux pas. Some I can laugh off, some I just turn red grin and move to a new country try to act like all is fine to stop it from getting more awkward.

[Hurr1cane]

I think the alcohol thing was just a joke. They didn't actually think I was pregnant they were joking pretending I was IYSWIM I doubt they'd actually say anything to anyone who was pregnant. I know what you mean though.

I really thought it was funny (it did make me rethink my outfit choices when I have the bloat on though)

It was so bad on my birthday that I sent a message to everyone saying I wasn't pregnant because back then it looked like I was almost full term bloody bloat.

It's basically scarring from a C section that went a bit wrong and if I get stressed at all it flares up. My DS has special needs and health problems and I regularly get stressed about hospitals/ schools etc and it has been a particularly hard year of stress. I used to feel self conscious but then I sort of thought, what's the point? It was only serving to make me more stressed so I just let it go

[Topaz25]

Your reaction was fine. His question was inappropriate and he must have realised that and been mortified. I've heard that it is never appropriate to ask someone if they are pregnant unless the baby is actually crowning!