A theoretical argument I'm having with DH about if a woman gets pregnant and the man doesn't want it.

(573 Posts)
Reallyannoyedwithmyself Wed 28-May-14 13:08:16

This is a theoretical argument that DH has come up with and he is annoying me and I want to know how to respond.

He is saying, if a man and woman have sex and the woman gets pregnant, (the condom failed), then if the man doesn't want a baby (hence the wearing of the condom in the first place) but the woman wants to keep it then the man shouldn't have any obligation legally or financially to support the child.

I have said that anyone who has sex must be prepared that the outcome might be a baby, we all know that condoms can fail, and that is the risk you take when you have sex.

Who is BU?

5madthings Wed 28-May-14 13:09:17

He is being unreasonable, if he really doesn't want a baby he shouldn't have piv sex, simples.

slater23 Wed 28-May-14 13:10:39

Your DH sounds awful sad

Hope he hasn't fathered a child somewhere

Bonsoir Wed 28-May-14 13:10:46

Anyone who has sex runs the risk of parenthood and its responsibilities.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 28-May-14 13:11:39

What a prize you've got. Seriously yanbu, he is.

He is BU.

Reallyannoyedwithmyself Wed 28-May-14 13:12:42

No he hasn't fathered a child, to the best of my knowledge anyway!

He does come out with some crap. hmm

It's not fair to the man or the woman.
life often isnt fair. It isnt up to the woman to "fix" it for the man.

NiceCupOfTeaAndAPartyRing Wed 28-May-14 13:14:14

Goodness gracious.

The decision to risk becoming a father is made at the point of having sex imo. Having an abortion is not a reset button with no impact for the woman.

wafflyversatile Wed 28-May-14 13:17:14

The bottom line is that by having sex one sex accepts the risk that a baby will ensue from one's endeavours.

In this country, as a man the only way to ensure against a baby is to not have sex. The moment you have sex it is out of your control, regardless of whatever precautions you take. In this country if you have a child you are financially liable for that child however inadvertent your contribution.

In this country as a woman you have further options after sex. You can take the morning after pill or have an abortion. However past X no of weeks of pregnancy you have no further options and it is in the laps of the storks.

MrsWinnibago Wed 28-May-14 13:17:26

Unless he is prepared to give sex up entirely, he has to accept that his actions and his sperm may result in a child which he IS responsible for. If he'd like to remove this risk then he can either give sex up or only sleep with men.

wafflyversatile Wed 28-May-14 13:17:47

'if you father a child' that is.

BarbarianMum Wed 28-May-14 13:17:52

I think if the condom fails the woman should take the morning after pill to try and prevent conception. But ultimately its her choice and no one can make her. Ditto abortion. Biologically speaking men and women are not equal when it comes to reproduction and there's nothing to be done about it.

basgetti Wed 28-May-14 13:18:11

He is being massively unreasonable. Why should a child be deprived of support just because a man wants responsibility free sex?

Chattymummyhere Wed 28-May-14 13:18:27

I can see both sides.

I also love when people start going well don't have sex if you don't want a child. People enjoy sex it's not just for making babies and if people who do not want children end up with a contraception failure it's not fair to punish them for daring to enjoy a sex life.

It is a very hard thing to discuss rationally.

Women should not be forced to abort but at the same time a man should not pay for a child he did not want and tried to prevent being conceived.

I may be a bitch for that opinion but I believe if a person has done everything they can to prevent something to then have the choice taken away from you is very unfair.

Reallyannoyedwithmyself Wed 28-May-14 13:19:06

His comeback is that there are plenty of people who don't want babies but who risk having sex, should those people never have sex then?

I've said, well if they are absolutely 100% adamant that they never want to risk having a baby, then, well, yes?

He's saying that's a ridiculous thing to say.

I know that he's being the ridiculous one. God what a tool.

BeCool Wed 28-May-14 13:21:56

he is annoying me too OP, happily I'm not married to him.

Of course the woman should do whatever the man wants. His life is more important, everyone know that, so his wishes should have priority, even when it comes to other peoples bodies and lives.

OK I'm taking the piss - of course he is being VVVU. If a man doesn't want to make or support a child, they should not be having PIV sex. It's really not very difficult.

wafflyversatile Wed 28-May-14 13:22:15

I am sympathetic if a couple have a contraception fail and the man doesn't want to keep the child and the woman does, but biology is on the side of the woman making the ultimate decision. It's about the only time our biology works in our favour! angry grin

Life isn't always fair.

Reallyannoyedwithmyself Wed 28-May-14 13:22:16

Chattymum that's pretty much what his viewpoint is.

Chattymummyhere Wed 28-May-14 13:22:28

I hope everyone spouting never have sex if you don't want babies only ever has sex when ttc...

After all to fully believe that sexy is not for enjoyment but for reproduction purposes only.

Chattymummyhere Wed 28-May-14 13:22:36

Sex not sexy stupid phone

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 28-May-14 13:22:46

They should get a vasectomy and use additional contraception if they really don't want a child then.

Or don't have PIV sex. There are other ways to do it you know?

"It's not fair" - you know you're talking about biology don't you?

BeCool Wed 28-May-14 13:22:59

Do point out to him that there are lots of ways of having sex without risking impregnation.

MrsWinnibago Wed 28-May-14 13:23:01

ReallyAnnoyed tell him yes...they should avoid having sex. 100%.

He's being ridiculous and if it were MY DH I would seriously reconsider things with him.

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