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AIBU?

To say something at school?

19 replies

Feminine · 14/04/2014 09:36

On Saturday my son went to a party involving a pool visit.

It was really good fun apparently.

Unfortunately one girl ( in his class) made it a horrible experience for my son's friend. During the pool part she made nasty jokes about his friends weight and kept telling him to F-off! Son's friend was too shy to get in the pool after that :( They are 9 and 10. When my DS asked her to stop she called him a "bitch" My son is not bothered by it, but he claims his friend was and that this girl regularly calls him fat at school.

This little boy is not fat, just much bigger than the rest of his class. Much taller with a heavier build. If he was it would still be wrong IMO.

As it has been going on at school, I'd hate to think he has been made to feel bad for quite a while. The boy started late in yr5 and she has picked on him from his first week.

I know both these children (small village)

The little girl comes from a 'nice' home they live opposite us actually. There are no social issues.

I just want to tell the teacher ( another neighbour unfortunately) to be on the lookout really.

If it seems it could make things worse I'll just leave it.

I don't like having the information and not acting on it.

This is not the first time my son has complained about this particular girl being mean, but as he is not bothered I've not troubled the school with it.

I wouldn't be telling the neighbour teacher outside of school.

I'd like to keep it professional and not do it in a 'gossipy' over the fence type way.

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HolidayCriminal · 14/04/2014 09:39

I think I'd have to say something to the teacher, neighbour or not.

Marylou62 · 14/04/2014 09:47

I would take the teacher aside and tell her. It is bullying. She can then keep an eye/ear open and hopefully stop this poor boy from suffering any more.

Marylou62 · 14/04/2014 09:48

And I know this seems old fashioned now but 'it takes a village to raise a child'. It should also take a village to help a child.

CundtBake · 14/04/2014 09:54

Do you know the other little boys parents to have a word with also? He may not have told them and I'd hate not knowing if my DC were being bullied.

YWNBU to have a word with the teacher too, knowing this is happening and doing nothing would feel wrong wouldn't it

Lottiedoubtie · 14/04/2014 10:00

I'd speak to the teacher in confidence it has the best chance of working and not backfiring on you.

I wouldn't mention it to any of the other parents ever. Unless your DS reports in the next few weeks that things have got worse not better for his friend at which point i'd tell his parents that you think he might be being bullied. I think this is very unlikely though and the teacher should be able to sort it out.

wheresthelight · 14/04/2014 10:10

I would speak to the boy's parents first tbh. It ought to be them talking to the teacher really

thebody · 14/04/2014 10:20

You have the knowledge do it is up to you to act on it.

Telling the other lads parents is up to you but your prime responsibility is to act in the info you know.

Tell the teacher.

Btw as this child called your child 'a bitch' I would have a little word with her myself.

If a child knows you are on to them they often back down and stop the bullying as they don't want their parents/school to know.

drinkingtea · 14/04/2014 10:23

Yep - let the teacher know definitely. Boy's parents maybe, maybe not - depends how well you know them I think, I wouldn't unless I knew them well (in which case I would).

BerniesBurneze · 14/04/2014 10:24

Your son did well speakibg out, next time tell him to also go and find a responsible adult

BrianTheMole · 14/04/2014 10:26

I would talk to the teacher about it.

softlysoftly · 14/04/2014 10:30

Yup tell the teacher, I was called "fat" throughout school, I wasn't just taller and heavier build than the rest of the kids. I now am fat through years of dieting which actually causes the issues.

Looking back at photos I was never even overweight so don't underestimate the damage this child is doing.

Nocomet · 14/04/2014 10:32

I would have a quiet word with their teacher.
My guess is your DS is also fed up of her.

Boys don't like showing they are upset, but at 9-10 many if the girls are at least as tall and more socially adept than the boys. Despite this it doesn't cross their minds the boys might have feelings.

And it's quite likely the teacher hasn't noticed as boys don't complain, but girls do and this girl is quite likely causing upset amongst her female peers that the teacher has had to sort.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/04/2014 10:37

poor boy, I really didn't know kids started being cruel like this at such a young age. she uses the word 'bitch'?!

Feminine · 14/04/2014 11:11

I know she has started swearing myself as I heard her in the garden yesterday...

My son isn't bothered (I imagine) as "bitch" is so random and inaccurate.

I'll tell the teacher as it really isn't fair that he felt too self concious to enjoy the party :(

I think you are right no . This boy is very funny and probably makes a joke out of everything...he is so cute and old fashioned looking, like a character from Just William!

OP posts:

Peekingduck · 14/04/2014 12:52

What's the problem with telling her mum what she said?

Feminine · 14/04/2014 12:59

I think that might cause problems... The school would be a better place as the name calling started there. I think? I would prefer to be anonymous.

OP posts:

Lottiedoubtie · 14/04/2014 13:02

Because the OP doesn't really know her. She might not react well or appropriately. She might not believe the OP. she might deal with it badly with her DD and inadvertently make things worse for the other boy etc...

The bullying is also happening in school, and the teacher is best placed to deal with it.

RedFocus · 14/04/2014 15:54

It's bullying of course you have to say something. It would be wrong not to IMHO.

Feminine · 14/04/2014 16:05

Yes, I will.

I'll talk to their teacher after Easter.

Thank you all. :)

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