Life plans....appreciate input

(9 Posts)
danielsmum81 Sat 12-Apr-14 21:17:16

Hi all,
Now don't get me wrong...I'm lucky - I have a lovely husband...I have a lovely child...I have a reasonably well paid job (by countrywide standards - nowt to shout about!) in a major city. Though my husband is a stay at home dad we do have additional financial support (he owns a rented property) which enables us to keep our child in the education we'd like to keep him in. So far so no reason to whinge....

My husband is older and has felt for a long time that he should be the provider, I have no issue with being the major breadwinner but as time has gone on him being the major wage earner has become more and more of an issue and equally less of a probability...as I am the only person capable of earning anything near a sensible living wage.
The above represents 5 yrs ago - fast forward to now - this is the life we're living and continue to do so. All fine but it's total limbo..I keep waiting for it to explode given that people can only take so much.
I love my husband. I love my child. So the aibu (if that is what it is) is perhaps more of a wwyd?? Keep treading water in L****n or run away elsewhere where we could potentially work just as well, in just as good schools, and live in a nicer house...! WWYD?

Misfitless Sat 12-Apr-14 22:09:37

Hi danielsmum81.

Can I ask how old your DS is?

When you say all fine but it's total limbo..I keep waiting for it to explode given that people can only take so much..I'm not sure what you mean tbh.

Who is at the point where they are in danger of not being able to take much more..is it you, your DH, or both?

Do you have many family and friends nearby?

Would you miss where you are?

I've always loved the idea of upping and moving somewhere, but also want my DCs to have the stability of having roots to one place, and feeling that they belong, as well as having family nearby.

Also, I'm a big chicken, and am quite anxious about change, so I never have, nor would I ever do it!

I admire people who do though.

Have you done a pros and cons list?

Sorry for all the questions and the ridiculously long post blush

maddy68 Sun 13-Apr-14 08:28:24

I think n you need to analyse what the real problem is. Us it you resent the pressure of being the breadwinner? Is it the resentment if the time your dh has at home?
Is it that you don't feel appreciated?
Could he work from home?
Again lots of questions.

wineoclocktimeyet Sun 13-Apr-14 08:42:30

In an ideal world, where do you see yourselves in 3 or 5 years time? And the same question to your DH.

hopefully, the answers are similar and give you both a target to work towards.

paxtecum Sun 13-Apr-14 09:02:06

What job did your DH used to do?

JessieMcJessie Sun 13-Apr-14 09:39:52

It sounds like you really need to have a frank chat with your DH. "waiting for it all to explode" sounds like you have no idea at all what he really thinks.

Is it that he wants to be the main breadwinner, or just to go out to work? Your DS must be at school now, so sounds like him working for a lower wage would bring in enough for childcare after school, and that way he can get back a foothold in the working world. If your career is transferable outside London then it seems that it would indeed be a good idea to move to wherever has the best opportunities for him. Remember that you may get paid less outside London but by the time you factor in lower living costs your take home might be not much different.

JessieMcJessie Sun 13-Apr-14 09:47:42

Also - you are "the only one anywhere near capable of earning a sensible living wage?" Really? Unless your DH is illiterate or has severe disabilities I very much doubt that this is true, and it also sounds extremely disrespectful of your husband.

ForalltheSaints Sun 13-Apr-14 10:10:48

If you are thinking about moving elsewhere try to consider somewhere where you have some connection, such as other family members or friends, or some interests which you can pick up quickly.

Pigletin Sun 13-Apr-14 12:09:18

Sorry I'm also not clear what the actual problem is. You seem to have a good set up that is currently working...what is the issue? Your husband not happy with the way things are, you not happy with being the breadwinner? What would moving to another area change? We need more details...

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