Apologies in advance if this is long, I will try keep it as short as possible. Can't decide if it's a WWYD or AIBU but here goes:
DH and I had a falling out with MIL last year, MIL has form for this sort of stuff and while actually nice enough on a superficial level/day to day basis underneath she is actually a bitter woman who will never ever let a grudge go, for that reason I doubt very much we will speak again, however I should point out that the argument was very much 50/50, both parties said things they shouldn't although MIL started it all off. At Christmas she sent the kids gifts via sil but did not see them, dh thanked her for the gifts via text and offered her an olive branch, she threw it back in his face and was really not very nice at all to him but still he said to her that if she wanted to see the kids that she could. We have always said she could see the kids both to her and to via sil to her. I should point out that I say MIL in all of this as that is who the argument was with but FIL evidently has no backbone and is just going along with her and not seeing his son/grandchildren for a quiet life.
Anyway my wwyd is this - what do we do about future cards/gifts? Would we be unreasonable to nicely say that really cards/gifts are pointless if you are not going to see them or should be just take them for the kids. We have offered that they see the kids and she has not taken us up on the offer, dd1 is old enough to try explain something to, dd2 is too young to even miss them. I feel like if she doesn't want to see them then why bother sending gifts at all, if you can't be bothered to see them then surely the gifts are meaningless and only easing guilt by sending them or doing it out of some sort of obligation/so people can't say she didn't type thing.
So would be be unreasonable to nicely say thanks but no thanks (done prior to purchase of gifts not hand them back in a thanks but no thanks way) or what would you do? The situation is likely to arise soon with dd1, as the situation in relatively new to her and she is old enough to feel hurt I am tempted to do nothing this time and say thank you, so she doesn't feel that granny/grandad didn't think of her and next time once she is more used to no contact then say it and explain to dd in advance.
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AIBU?
AIBU/WWYD re PIL gifts/cards
19 replies
magesticmallow · 15/03/2014 00:09
OP posts:
RafflesWay ·
15/03/2014 09:02
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