Aibu to find this very cheeky?

[fedupfedup]

An old friend of mine is getting married abroad later this year. Sadly (for me and probably most wedding guests) she was determined that only a tropical beach wedding would suffice. So all the guests (around 25) are paying for flights, hotels, booking time off work to attend. I've just received the official invitation, which asks for money rather than gifts as presents.

Normally I'm not against travel vouchers/ a gift list and am happy to buy something. In this case though, having forked out hundreds of pounds to attend a wedding, surely guests should be told NOT to buy a gift, rather than being asked for cash that will be spent on a honeymoon? Oh and btw, the honeymoon is not an extension to the overseas wedding, it's a separate holiday for bride and groom...

Please don't give this friend money. Yes, it's very cheeky. I wouldn't go, tbh.

It's very cheeky. If you don't feel comfortable doing it don't do it. You can give a small gift. She will think your rude but she's actually the rude one.

You're *

YANBU.

I think it's enormously cheeky to expect guests to attend your expensive wedding. The only disclaimers are if either the bride or the groom is from or has family in the country they are getting married in OR if the bride and groom invite but do not expect people to use up annual leave/child care/their holiday budget to attend their wedding.

To ask for money on top of that would make me seriously wonder if I needed friendships like that in my life. It's enormously greedy and selfish.

I always feel very jaded about people getting married in a place that makes it difficult/expensive/inconvenient for those that wish to attend especially if they are then going to go on a honeymoon with similar themes, it just seems a bit selfish to me. In this case I would be happy that my guests had got themselves to my chosen destination and that would be my present (and would feel guilty they had spent so much on me!)

No way would I buy this friend a wedding gift.
Any real friend would understand.

I think what bugs me most about weddings abroad is that the bride and groom sometimes expect guests guests to use up their own annual holiday budget to attend a wedding instead of having a family holiday.

However if the bride and groom do choose to marry abroad, there should be no pressure whatsoever on guests to attend. Or give a gift as well!

Thanks for the replies. Now I know I'm not a crazy tightwad!

Bloody cheeky to ask for money when all your guests have forked out to go abroad for the wedding. Some people who get married abroad are really quite selfish. Note, I said some..

Tell her you can't afford to attend the wedding and contribute towards the honeymoon, so ask her to pick one.

Damned cheeky and i wouldn't buy them anything. The fact you are spending so much on them already should be enough.

We got married on a beach. I didn't expect gifts & we paid for our guests to come!

Enormously cheeky!
You have spent hundreds thus far on attendance at the wedding, taken annual leave, all to be part of the brides 'special day'.
After that, she must be delusional (or mix in wealthy circles) to contemplate a gift list.
No way would I get a gift.

Asking for money as a gift bugs me in general but in this case it's beyond cheeky. You're spending hundreds of pounds and your own holiday time to join her big day and she still wants more??

I think that if you choose to get married abroad, you do so knowing that a significant number of your desired guests will not be able to come....

If they are able to make it, it is pretty unreasonable to expect a gift as well. This is one case where it is definitely presence not presents which are important.

Yanbu.

I think it sounds very cheeky and grabby too. At the overseas wedding we went to, us going was very much considered to be the 'gift'. They weren't expecting it at all and were visibly touched by how many friends and family paid so much and travelled so far to be there on the day.

I would go, stick a fiver in a card and hand it over with a big cheery grin on the day.

I don't understand the concept of a wedding abroad and inviting everyone along. Unless of course one of the to-be-wed are from said country or have close family that live abroad and can't travel for whatever reason.

Ps I wouldn't buy her a gift. YANBU.

I got married overseas
I didn't invite anyone, or expect any gifts

If she wants to get married on a beach, that's up to her.
It's up to you if you choose to attend.
It's up to you if you choose to give her a gift.

I thought the whole point of weddings abroad was because you didn't want to bother with guests.

YANBU

And she doesn't even want a gift, but money for another holiday.

YANBU

I got married abroad but we went to a place in central Europe that was cheaper to stay in than where we lived at the time. It was an open invitation to anyone who wanted to turn up. We didn't ask for any wedding presents.

yanbu - go and sellotape a pound coin to a card for her

Put copies of all your receipts for the trip in a lovely card.