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to feel sad at my sisters reaction to me telling her I feel depressed?

(11 Posts)
musicboxwoundbyakey Thu 02-Jan-14 23:34:21

Last year (2012) I went through the worst time of my life, really bad break up and being unemployed for 6 months etc (believe me I know people have been through a hell of a lot worse)

I don't want to say I was depressed, but I feel I was and I hid it well and only my mum knew how bad things were. I started to feel better once I had a job again and started to feel more attractive but lately those old feelings have come back. They mainly happen when I see friends and they talk about weddings, babies etc and I am happy for them but it really does trigger those old feelings.

On boxing day when staying at my parents my sister came over I opened up and told her how I felt and how I felt before and that on some night out with friends I just want to come home and cry myself to sleep.

She gave me a quick hug and then nothing .... she isn't one for regular contact anyway but I haven't heard anything from her since that day and it kills me.

I understand she has her own life and family (husband and dd) and that I will never be her number 1 priority but if the role was reversed and I knew my sister was potentially suffering from depression I would have attempted to be there.

Aibu?

McPheelingUpSanta Thu 02-Jan-14 23:39:33

I don't think yabu, but I do think that unless you've suffered from those feelings you can struggle to really grasp it?

musicboxwoundbyakey Thu 02-Jan-14 23:50:19

Yeah that's very true.

I don't want to sound horrible but she's had a very easy life, husband was first proper boyfriend who already owned his own house, she was employed straight out of uni and got pregnant straight away. Every time I go over to their house they are always decorating another room and go on holiday 2/3 times a year.

I get that anyone can suffer from depression but she certainly hasn't so yeah .... you're right. I don't think she could ever properly understand.

revivingsnowshower Thu 02-Jan-14 23:56:42

You are right about not understanding and sadly some people just can't deal with mental/emotional problems. You need to get some proper help and support with this.

cerealqueen Fri 03-Jan-14 00:03:37

Sorry you are feeling like that, I have been there, really struggled with such feelings, I was mainly resentful and angry with the world and everybody in it.

With regards to your sister, some people just don't know what to say.
I had a miscarriage a few years ago and told two close friends, who said sorry at the time, nothing ever again!

Are you close normally? Do you have anybody else you can talk to?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Fri 03-Jan-14 00:09:33

I have had PND twice and I still wouldn't know what to say, because both the PND was different and I would hate to advice something wrong.

Have you been to the GP, perhaps he/she could refer you to a therapist or suggest ways in how to control your depressive moods.

lookatmybutt Fri 03-Jan-14 00:17:59

It's possible that she doesn't want you to feel like she's pressuring you into talking about stuff that you might not want to when you don't feel like it. Give her a call, maybe?

Also, do go and see your doctor.

Skrifa Fri 03-Jan-14 03:16:30

I'm guessing she probably felt awkward. She might be worried you are suicidal and so on, and what can you say to make you feel better? When I told people I was depressed/on anti-depressants or, before, that I felt depressed, it was awkward on their part. Because if they haven't knowingly met someone with depression before or experienced depression, they can't really say much in their minds. She might not want to bring it up- to do it on your own terms. Mental health is still stigmatised in society, so there is a certain degree of awkwardness around it, and your sister might not therefore know what to do, what you're meant to do. For me, when I told people, usually it was a short burst, along the lines of 'look, Ihavedepressionandthoughtyoushouodknow', gabbled, and then not wanting them to mention it.

specialmagiclady Fri 03-Jan-14 03:43:17

Also what did you fell her?

Was it a) I have depression or

b) I was depressed but I'm on the mend now.

If a) yeah, a phonecall would be good - and indeed a general upping in the contact might be nice
If b) she may have heard "I pulled through a bad patch without you and I'm coping much better now" in which case what do you need from her?

Also, just a quick one: don't make assumptions about her happiness based on her material goods. If you didn't open up to her about your depression at its worst, maybe there is stuff she's not telling you too.

If you want to talk to her, call her. If you Are feeling resentful, let her know. Lots of people don't know what to do about mental illness. Tell her what you need from her.

specialmagiclady Fri 03-Jan-14 03:48:54

Sorry, meant to add: you are totally not unreasonable to feel sad! It is always disappointing when those we love don't just instantly understand what we need by telepathy. (See also Chriatmas presents you have to ask for etc).

MsAspreyDiamonds Fri 03-Jan-14 03:50:00

She may not know how to bring it up or if it is ok to discuss it with you. It depends on your family dynamic, my in-laws are not open & cold so would not discuss 'feelings'. They are regarded as private & not to be discussed with outsiders even close family members.

What is your relationship like with her normally? Do you meet up & go out together regularly or just meet when you visit your mother? I would speak to your gp & get a referral to see a qualified counsellor as having an outsider tp speak to will give you more perspective.

It is tempting to avoid friends who appear to have picture perfect lives because they make you feel inadequate. Just try to remember that things may not be as they look on the surface of those picture perfect lives. Also, like you they too maybe maintaining an image of being able to cope even if they are not. Be careful not to isolate yourself because those feelings pof inadequacy will become even more prominant.

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