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AIBU?

to want to wait until I've had my baby before getting a kitten?

20 replies

gemmal88 · 02/11/2013 23:48

My OH really wants to get a cat.

I don't object to the idea, although I would like to wait until I have had my 2nd child, so that the cat is coming into the whole family unit instead of us bringing the baby into a 6 or so month old kittens environment. I don't want the cat to be jealous of the baby, for it to start pissing on the cot, baby stuff etc.

My OH is now in a strop and cannot see where I am coming from. He's grown up with cats and apparently they 'never' get jealous.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to wait? I really don't think I am but he does...

OP posts:

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3xM · 02/11/2013 23:52

I've always been a cat lover but since having babies, have found my cat a bit of a PITA. I'd wait till you've had the baby. He might decide he'd rather have baby cuddles than kitten cuddles.

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emptychair · 03/11/2013 00:04

Your OH will need to take sole responsibility for the litter tray while you are pg as there are toxins in cat litter and faeces that are harmful to you and your unborn child.

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2620.aspx

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NatashaBee · 03/11/2013 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gemmal88 · 03/11/2013 00:10

Yeah I've read about that, he said that wouldn't be a problem.

I just don't think he's thinking it through properly and sulking off because I've asked him to wait is just pathetic!

I don't doubt for a second that he would want the cat more than the baby, he dotes on our daughter. I just think it would be more sensible to introduce a kitten to the family than a baby to the kitten if you know what I mean.

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TrucksAndDinosaurs · 03/11/2013 00:16

Yanbu.
The last thing you need when pregnant or dealing with a newborn is a kitten trashing the place and peeing/pooing/scrabbling everywhere.

I'd get a nice quiet rescue cat who is house trained and can purr next to you once you've had baby.

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NatashaBee · 03/11/2013 01:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 03/11/2013 02:36

YANBU, and he is being really immature it isn't fair on the kitten either.

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PansOnFire · 03/11/2013 05:41

YANBU, it's completely irresponsible of him. Animals are very sensitive to their environment, introducing a baby will make it insecure and this could manifest itself in undesirable behaviours. There's a strong possibility it would pose a risk to your child, not only with the faeces but also suffocation and scratches. Waiting until your unit is complete will establish boundaries for it, we got our dog first and although she's coped brilliantly she's a PITA the majority of the time because she thinks what's his is hers, she wouldn't dream of trying to snuggle up to our dirty washing! Please stick to your opinion on it OP, he sounds very childish.

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FusilliJerry · 03/11/2013 07:19

When we went to the rescue centre, they advised us to get a cat that was about a year old.(we have a 3 and 6 yo) They said that this way the cat's personality was developed, and they were able to show us the ones they thought would be good around small children. Worth a thought, plus they would be litter trained too.

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sashh · 03/11/2013 07:28

I doubt a reputable cat rescue place would rehome with you just now, they might because they are all full, but it is not ideal.

Does it have to be a kitten? A cat would be better, one that is good with children and can be your toddler (who is probably going to be jealous to some extent of the baby)'s pet.

Have you, well him really, considered fostering? I did it for years until 'her Mistynes' adopted me. He can have a cat, with all the responsibilities of litter trays (you can't let foster cats out so have to have trays) socialising, vets trips etc etc.

It won't be your cat, it will go to a forever home (sometimes you get a pair to look after) and if they know you are pregnant and can only look after a cat for 5 months then they will line up another fosterer for after that,

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LindyHemming · 03/11/2013 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JumpingJackSprat · 03/11/2013 08:06

I wouldn't get a cat until the youngest child was at least three and could understand not to pester the cat. Probably not a popular view with your oh though. I havea cat which I had from a kitten and she doesn't like children and is not a lap cat so an adult cat might be better but even so I would definitely not get one before the baby comes for some time after - is not fair on the cat to come into a new home and immediately have so much stress and upheaval.

I grew up with dogs and have always wanted one of my own. I will not be able to have one for at least 10 years due to dss. I'm pretty sure I will be able to cope as I'm an adult.

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gemmal88 · 03/11/2013 09:20

Thanks Ladies, I knew I was right!

I'm going to show him this thread and then see what he has to say.

I don't really like the idea of fostering - I don't want a trail of cats in and out of my house potentially going to the toilet all over the place because they need to adjust or wondering if they'll be ok with the kids.

Perhaps we'll compromise with getting an older rescue cat that is already used to kids in a year or so.

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valiumredhead · 03/11/2013 10:59

Oh I'd definitely wait!

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dietcokeandwine · 03/11/2013 11:10

Definitely wait. You are being very sensible! It would be unfair on the kitten, the baby, your older DD and most of all YOU to try and get one before baby is here and settled.

If your partner continues to simply 'not get it', is it worth speaking to his mum and get her on side? Whilst he says 'he grew up with cats' I bet it was his mum or dad who dealt with all the feeding, litter tray changes, any problems etc! I would be tempted to have a chat with her, if it's feasible, and see if she will back you up. I suspect his childhood cats were as prone to wee accidents, upsets and jealously issues as much as any other cats are....

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dietcokeandwine · 03/11/2013 11:11

Jealousy not jealously!

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ipswichwitch · 03/11/2013 11:15

Apart from what everyone else has said, you would need to find someone to look after the kitten while you're busy giving birth! That is often easier said than done, especially when that person will need to check for surprise puddles/poos in random places and clean up properly.

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FortyDoorsToNowhere · 03/11/2013 11:30

Defiantly wait.

I think it will be too much for your first born to deal with, new baby and new kitten.

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BettyandDon · 03/11/2013 11:54

I absolutely would not recommend a toddler, newborn and kitten scenario.

I have a 3yr old and a 1 yr old and have raised 2 kittens in the last 5 yrs. both sadly passed away - 1 in a road accident and the other to a heart defect.

In hindsight I can see that both cats were very unhappy at times having to compete for space and attention. We had huge inappropriate peeing and pooing issues with the cats at different times. It was like having 3 children except 1 had claws and attacked for fun. My toddler never teased my cat she is quite timid and the cat still didn't like her. When my baby was born it was horrendous. I had to use a system of opening and shutting doors so neither baby or toddler was alone with the cat. It was a serious source of stress for me and I loved my cats.

We are going to wait a long time before we get another cat. We considered a rescue after our first cat died and found it impossible as rescue places seemed to place having young children as putting you on a black list. I can understand why now.

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gemmal88 · 03/11/2013 12:35

If your partner continues to simply 'not get it', is it worth speaking to his mum and get her on side? Whilst he says 'he grew up with cats' I bet it was his mum or dad who dealt with all the feeding, litter tray changes, any problems etc! I would be tempted to have a chat with her, if it's feasible, and see if she will back you up. I suspect his childhood cats were as prone to wee accidents, upsets and jealously issues as much as any other cats are....

His mother is a waste of space, despite OH making contact and asking why she hasn't arranged for us to come down or her come and see daughter, she hasn't seen us in 2 years. Although she did visit once when DD and I weren't here, but I definitely wouldn't be looking to her for advice.

I'm just going to say no. Plain and simple. If he can't wait then he can find somewhere else to live with his kitten