Is the love for a child the only real love

(65 Posts)
Birdinthebush Sat 02-Nov-13 09:31:02

I have having a discussion last night about love and relationships with my friend. She has a grown up and daughter and I don't have any kids (through choice). I have often been told that I don't know real love as I don't have kids, that the love I feel for husband family etc is not the same. She agreed and said she would die for her daughter . I am not sure especially after reading the saving dog or person thread .

redexpat Sat 02-Nov-13 10:26:15

No. It's different love for sure, but not the only variety going. What an odd hting to say. It sounds like something a very smug mummy sort would say. Is your friend usually the smug mummy sort?

Jinsei Sat 02-Nov-13 10:34:15

Of course it's not the only real love - what utter nonsense, and how incredibly rude!! Having said that, the love I feel for my dd is different from the love I feel for anyone else. I think she is the only person I would die for - if I lost her, I'm not sure how I could get through.

Ecuador Sat 02-Nov-13 10:38:17

Nope definitely not the only real love. I absolutely adore my DH and I honestly do not know how I would function without him in my life. He is my complete soul-mate and I hope we grow old together long after the children have left home.

They are different kinds of love but just as intense and important, for me anyhow.

Bowlersarm Sat 02-Nov-13 10:51:19

Definitely not the only real love.

Yes I would die instantly if it saved my children and would do that for no one else, but I think that's more a basic primeval type of instinct rather than 'real' love.

moldingsunbeams Sat 02-Nov-13 10:59:22

I think there are different types of love and I do think think possibly she means unconditional love.

I have survived following the loss of a husband and a partner.

I would die instantly to save my children's lifes.
I do not know how I would do anything but continue to breath if she died.

moldingsunbeams Sat 02-Nov-13 11:00:42

I think loving your child is probably more primeval, more fierce.

everlong Sat 02-Nov-13 11:06:41

No.

It's a different love that's all.

harticus Sat 02-Nov-13 11:08:36

When I had my DS the world shifted on its axis because for the first time in my selfish little life there was someone I would happily lay down my life for.

I lost a DD very late in pregnancy and that is a scar that runs terribly deep. I cannot imagine the grief of losing an older child. It is a nightmare I daren't consider.

firesidechat Sat 02-Nov-13 11:15:49

Without question I would kill for my children because it is instinctive to protect your children. Even as adult children that instinct doesn't go away, and it is an instinct as much as it is love.

However if someone tried to hurt my husband I would want to kill them too. No one can stand by and let bad things happen to the people we love.

So your friend is BU.

NachoAddict Sat 02-Nov-13 11:29:38

It not the only love but it is totally different to any other. I agree with a pp who said its instinct and you have no choice. I was totally overwhelmed by my live for my ds and couldn't begin to describe it.

that doesn't mean I now love my dp any less or its not real, its just different.

comewinewithmoi Sat 02-Nov-13 11:31:55

Of course not!!

Stuff and nonsense.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 02-Nov-13 13:06:17

It's a personal thing I think. I know some people who still have that all encompassing love for their partners. One of my friends thinks her husband of 14 years, is the most handsome man on the planet and works herself into a right state when others flirt with him. (to me he looks like the headmaster from Coronation Street) she is literally blinded by love.

I don't have that with my DH, I think I'm too rational. I really don't get jealous in any situation with him. If he left, it wouldn't be the end of the world, just an extremely sad change of circumstances. I think I would move on eventually.

If something happened to DS I would feel like my oxygen source had been removed.

spritesoright Sat 02-Nov-13 13:33:16

But children grow up, become teenagers (and say they hate you), they live their own lives. Whereas a partner you choose to be with and build on your mutual love, trust and loyalty.
I always thought my mother would love me unconditionally but when it came down to it she chose my (asshole) of a stepfather over me.
So I think it changes.

ReindeerBollocks Sat 02-Nov-13 13:35:34

Your friend is unreasonable.

The love for a child is different to that of a partner but it isn't a case of top trumps IMO.

Mia4 Sat 02-Nov-13 14:06:57

She is BVVU. Perhaps she knows no other love btu there are many different types of real love: love of a partner, child, family, friend, pet etc

To be honest OP, I'd pity her if that's what she believes because it implies either she's deeply pretentious or she's sadly only ever known one type.

thegreylady Sat 02-Nov-13 16:40:09

I agree you would die for your dc and you would kill to save them.In my case that applies to grandchildren too.But the love I have for dh is deep and real and true,your 'friend' is being very unreasonable.

BlingBang Sat 02-Nov-13 16:42:53

The love for my children is different and deeper than any other love I have felt, the love I had for my parents when I was a child was close.

BlingBang Sat 02-Nov-13 16:44:00

Agree it could change as my children get older, depends what life deals me etc.

squoosh Sat 02-Nov-13 16:54:20

I don't think anyone who was satisfied with their lot in life would feel the need to belittle the love you feel for your husband or make out that it's a mere imitation of 'real love '.

LaGuardia Sat 02-Nov-13 19:02:57

So many weirdos on here tonight.

Thurlow Sat 02-Nov-13 19:10:09

Love for your DC is no more real than the love you have for anyone else and I agree with the pp who points out that the love you have for your friends or OH is at least love based on experience and knowing their character.

The love I have for my DC is very base, very protective, it's quite different. But it's no more real simply because it's different.

What a very odd thing for your friend to say.

Retroformica Sat 02-Nov-13 19:43:20

Nothing prepared me for the intensive overwhelming love I felt for my DS's. it is different to DH love and I love him very deeply!!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sat 02-Nov-13 19:51:40

I have 2 DC and a DH.

I love them for all different reasons. I don't love them the same.

I think it's quite patronising to tell someone that they haven't felt "real" love because they haven't had a child. It might be unconditional and different and strong and lay-down-your-life, but the 'realness' of it is not a relevant measurement of how sincere the feeling is. Statements like that also work on the assumption that everyone feels that way. Sadly there are plenty of children who aren't loved like that by their mothers - Baby P for example.

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