The mystery of the kitchen full of poo.

(40 Posts)
OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 15:04:58

got up for work this morning to find the kitchen full of shite.

for some inexplicable reason there were 2 separate cat shites in the futility room.

why? why would 2 different cats suddenly feel the need to poo in there? why?

also even more inexplicable......

in the middle of the kitchen floor was an enormous dog turd.

definitely dog, not cat.

huge, so probably not SmallDog.

But BigDog was shut in his cage. with the door closed and locked from the outside.

how?

How could this happen?

anyway......

as I was on the way to work I'm afraid I woke up DH and left him to deal with it all.

SeaSickSal Sun 20-Oct-13 16:27:56

I would say at a guess some other creature has come through your cat flap. This has scared your cats so much they've shit themselves. Other creature also scared has shit itself, then run away.

I've actually had foxes and stoats come through mine.

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 16:29:09

Oh and yeah, i can say that it's easy to identify your pets poos when there's a big difference in size.

(Great Dane vs min. Dachshund here)

Tuppenceinred Sun 20-Oct-13 16:33:50

I was just going to post what SSS says. A fox probably, got in your cat flap, literally scared the shit out of your cats, but then got scared itself.

IcedTeaOneSugar Sun 20-Oct-13 16:52:02

The cats are gaslighting the dogs.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Sun 20-Oct-13 17:15:23

The cats are trying to frame the dogs and saved up the biggest poo ever

The cats have developed thumbs and let the dog out too poo. Then managed to get him back in the cage (the cats are the boss right)

Big dog is an escape artist but doesn't want you to know.

DH was so drunk he pooed in the kitchen. (Really really hope not!)

Bunbaker Sun 20-Oct-13 17:26:22

It sounds like you need Jonathan Creek on the case!

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Oct-13 17:28:44

I thought you were confessing on your DH's behalf there NotMe grin

Cindy34 Sun 20-Oct-13 17:32:36

Any children?

Definitely dog, not child poo?

Antidote Sun 20-Oct-13 17:43:03

I could tell you a story about an alcoholic ex boyfriend, a massive turd, a washing machine powder drawer and an irate, very hungover resident landlord (and the miss use of my tape measure to calculate whose arse had sufficient clearance to perform the deed) but I'd totally be outing myself.

TonyThePony Sun 20-Oct-13 17:51:33

Maybe you or your DH seep-poo'd? Thrice. grin

yoshipoppet Sun 20-Oct-13 17:57:37

Could the big dog poo have been shot through the bars of the cage? Projectile pooing maybe?

yeghoulsandlittledevils Sun 20-Oct-13 18:04:26

I think I might die laughing!

<breathe>

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 18:12:35

Fox poo is unmistakeable though. It has a stench of its own that screams fox and if you know your dogs and cats you would know that what the fox left couldn't have been from yours.

How's your DH though OP. Did he survive the cleansing and what did he thing.

OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 18:36:48

I considered whether he had fired it through the bars of the cage. but I think it would have been in tubes like a play-do squeezer thing if he'd done that.

definitely BigDog poo. they have very individual turds.

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 18:42:52

The play doh squeezer grin. Now that and poo brings back a memory.

When I was about 7 I had one and decided the little one was the baby poo, the middle one the mummy poo, etc., and then I got sent to my room just as they were about to announce the name of the new labrador puppy on Blue Peter. I had to wait until the following week to find out and it was Buttons - silly bloody name - I had written in with something far more interesting but I can't remember what it was.

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