to feel like giving up uni as i am missing out ony babies

(32 Posts)

Have only been back a few weeks but the stress is starting to get to me already. I have so much to do all the time and feel like i am not making the most of what time i do have with them (they are 3 and 9 months) Dh helps out a bit around the house but not a lot. I just feel i am always cooking, cleaning or doing some 'important' thing which is not spending time with my children How do i make the most of the time we do have and how the hell do i calm down and stop feeling stressed, worried and anxious all the time? I am in my final year and feel like giving up but that would be such a waste wouldn't it!
I don't know... Things are hard at the moment. I should be thankful for what i have and stop moaning really. I just wish i could get a handle on my emotions, i feel very teary etc.

Dilidali Thu 03-Oct-13 21:36:14

I had years of s**t end job coupled with infertility. I got accepted and fell pregnant. I had months of miscarriage looming above my head and the uni course kept me sane. Before that I really wanted to study, but I had parents telling me I don't need to, I am a girl, all I need is to get married and look after the house. In fact they forbade me. I could not afford the fees, so I worked. The world is not wonderful and fair. That's my excuse.

SHarri13 Thu 03-Oct-13 22:00:45

I gave up my uni course for similar reasons but I was 9 months in and had a miscarriage and we really wanted another baby. It was a midwifery degree so there was a lot of full time shift work involved with no room to manoeuvre and studying/ exams and assignments to fit around work.

If I was in my final year I would have absolutely stayed and finished despite everything above. Take each month as it comes and look at it as one step closer to being qualified.

Your house can take a hit for a bit, it's only a year. As long as things are relatively clean and you're all fed then sod the rest. Make a plan to take the kids to a park or out somewhere so you are forced not to think about te house and stuff to do there, even if it's just for 40 mins. I know things are probably tough financially with you in uni but could you stretch to a cleaner to take the pressure off a bit?

zower Thu 03-Oct-13 22:17:27

i'm not going to respond to highly abusive posts, how nasty, really vile. so end of discussion from my point of view. (however, good luck to OP you sound like you are doing well as a caring mum, as long as you are young healthy with support i d think manageable).

AutumnMadness Thu 03-Oct-13 22:45:49

GypsyInMySoul, what is your DH's job that he can only help you out "a bit" with the housework when you are obviously at the end of your tether with stress? Unless he is unloading lorries by hand 16 hours a day or is working never-ending shifts on the oil rig, he should be doing most of it. I have a sneaking suspicion that he is pulling your leg over this. But of course trying to get through to him on top of what is already on your plate requires superhuman effort. So I suggest to just stop ironing his shirts, making his "manly" dinners (lets face it, big cooked dinners are mainly for men), doing his laundry and whatever else you do. If he asks why you did not do it, just smile and say that "you are doing what you can".

Sorry, these kind of topics piss me off for personal reasons.

Zower - Well I'm sorry but your post was also quite critical and 'vile' to someone who was asking for support. But that's all I'm going to say, not wanting to start a slanging match.
OP - you've been given some good advice here - Good luck ! also have you checked there are a lot of good facebook pages for student mothers.

bellablot Fri 04-Oct-13 05:30:16

I hate to say this BUT your sounding like a victim, sorry, harsh I know. Stop blaming your DH and get your work done. It's hard, I've done it with two small kids. You need coping mechanisms and a ROUTINE.

I did the kids stuff all day (except when in uni for lectures etc and kids were in nursery) then bath/bed time, asleep for kids at the latest 7pm, then from 7.30pm till midnight uni work, no TV at all, NONE, NADA, trust me, the TV is the devil, a distraction you don't need, you will not miss it. Then up again at 6am.

It's hard but worth it. Stop whining and get on with it!!!!

GobblersKnob Fri 04-Oct-13 06:14:23

You have my every sympathy and my 'babies' are five and nine, but I miss them and hate missing out, because for the 7 months of the year I am studying uni takes over completely.

I have just started my second year and personally I was quickly aware that something had to give last year and for me it was the house. The bathroom was clean, the kitchen was clean we were all fed and beyond that it was chaos, but it meant that I had time to do stuff with the kids and as a family for some of the weekend, instead of trying to catch up with the hoovering, dusting tidying.

My advice woud be to do the absolute bare minimum and concentrate on your course and your kids (as in having fun wih them) sod everything else, life is short, in five years you will not think, 'gosh, I wish I had kept the house better' you might well think 'gosh, I wash I hadn't'.

And as somebody else upthread said, remember you are doing this for your kids and what a brilliant and inspiring role model you are for them.

And if all else fails, well 'This too shall pass' smile

Good luck.

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